


think before you hit 'send'

by popnographic



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Catfish AU, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-10-02 03:31:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 47,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10208579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popnographic/pseuds/popnographic
Summary: Seven loves pulling pranks on his friends, especially Yoosung. But what happens when it's Zen instead, and Seven might've taken things just a little too far?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by, and based on, [trichosirius](http://trichosirius.tumblr.com)' "Catfish AU" comic series, which you can find [here](http://trichosirius.tumblr.com/tagged/catfish-au)!

_Hyun_.

 

Hyun’s a romantic, he can admit to that without a single shred of shame. Does he believe in love at first sight? Well, he didn’t, at least not up until now. Now that he’s looking at the picture of a beautiful woman with long, red hair flowing down beneath her shoulders, eyes glistening gold and a bright smile that makes Hyun weak in the knees... now, he might actually believe in love at first sight.

Or, really, it’s more like infatuation at first sight. He knows very well that love is something that comes with time. He’s heard horror stories of people meeting someone online only to find out that the person they met isn’t who they originally thought, and he’s even heard of people getting killed. But Hyun’s instincts are rarely wrong. Sure, this woman has a mysterious air to her, but there’s no mistake in what he feels when he sees her pictures.

He finds out that this Mary, as her name is, actually lives in his town. Which is _unbelievable_ , because as much time as Hyun spends looking at himself on basically every reflective surface, he’s pretty attentive to whatever’s going on around him. He’s lived here his entire life, and there’s no way he would’ve missed out on seeing someone like this around the town where he grew up.

**[Mary Vanderwood the 3 rd: Zenny~ you’re making me blush. Are you always such a gentleman?]**

**[ZEN: I don’t like to brag, but yes, I would say that I’m a gentleman for the most part.]**

**[Mary Vanderwood the 3 rd: For the most part? *wink*]**

 

It’s all very innocent right now, and Hyun knows not to get too excited. He’s been burnt too many times in the past to jump at an opportunity like this as soon as it comes up. Patience is key, even though it’s difficult to _be_ patient sometimes. Mary makes it especially difficult with her suggestive tone of speaking… not to mention her _voice_ Hyun’s had the pleasure of hearing a few times now. Mary’s voice is a tad lower in tone than what Hyun’s used to, and while he finds it a _little_ embarrassing to admit, he finds it sexy.

**[ZEN: Well, I am a man, after all. Most men are wolves, and beautiful women like you should be careful, Mary.]**

**[Mary Vanderwood the 3 rd: I appreciate the concern! But I’m a lot stronger than you think. I can take care of myself.]**

 

Hyun suppresses something that’s a mix between a hiss and a growl, and shakes his head.  _Focus_.

**[ZEN: I see. I’m learning more and more about you, and I like that.]**

He puts his phone down again when Mary doesn’t respond for a while. Surely, she’s got other things to do than to sit around and text him all the time; Hyun doesn’t know a whole lot about Mary to begin with. He doesn’t know what her profession is, even, but he figures it’ll come in time. Everything does, he just has to be patient, show moderate interest, and hope for the best. And not to toot his own horn or anything, but he thinks Mary’s interested, or she probably wouldn’t continue talking to him as often as she does.

It’s late, and he has rehearsal early the next morning, so he should really be asleep right now. But with Mary texting him, he doesn’t really _want_ to go to sleep. It’s just an infatuation. It’s nothing serious. They’re just getting to know each other, and there’s no telling where it’ll lead... though Hyun’s already got a pretty good idea where he wants things to go.

Just when his eyelids are about to flutter shut, Hyun’s phone vibrates on his nightstand, and he nearly jumps out of bed with how much it scares him. He can’t deny the way his heart suddenly beats a little faster when he sees Mary’s name on his screen.

**[Mary Vanderwood the 3 rd: I want to know more about you, too, Zen.]**

Hyun swallows hard, and closes his eyes. Yep, he’s screwed. _So_ screwed.

**[ZEN: I want to meet you. Is it possible we could make that happen anytime soon?]**

 

* * *

 

 

 _Saeyoung_.

 

“He’s gonna find out, and when he does, you’re gonna be _so_ screwed,” Saeran snorts, unimpressed by Saeyoung’s wheezing laughter, and prank in general. “He’s not Yoosung, you know.”

Saeyoung raises his eyebrows. “Oh, you guys are at the stage in your relationship where it’s okay to roast each other? Proud of you.”

“Ha ha, don’t change the subject.”

Saeyoung sits up in his chair properly, stretching his back. He has a bad habit of staying inside the house for several days on end sometimes, which is why it’s a good thing Saeran now lives with him so he can get out every now and then. Well, it’s both good _and_ bad, because Saeran can be very forceful at times when Saeyoung wants to do nothing but lie in bed all day.

“Zen’s not gonna find out. I’m good at keeping secrets.”

“Whatever,” Saeran sighs, rolling his eyes. “It’ll be your funeral. I’m going to bed.”

“G’night, brother!”

Saeyoung grins as he watches his twin lazily wave in his direction before heading to bed, and when Saeran’s out of sight, Saeyoung’s directs his attention back to his phone. It’s always been fun to prank Yoosung because he’s gullible, but Saeyoung would’ve never thought it’d be this fun to pull a prank on Zen. A prank he himself finds to be absolutely _brilliant_ , but of course his twin brother has a different opinion. Well, they can’t be identical in _every_ aspect, Saeyoung reasons.

It’s a good thing Saeyoung often has to dress up when going on missions for the agency, because that makes him meeting Zen as ‘Mary’ a lot easier. He’d assumed this would happen someday, that Zen would want to meet Mary as their relationship would deepen. For now, Saeyoung’s having fun. He loves the fact that Zen took the bait, that he legit believes Mary exists and that she isn’t some made up character, a mask which someone Zen _knows_ is hiding behind.

**[Mary Vanderwood the 3 rd: Of course we can. Just name a time and place!]**

 

It’s a good thing Vanderwood has no idea what’s going on, because Saeyoung’s pretty sure all of his limbs would be broken should his fellow agent find out that Saeyoung used his name when pulling a prank on a member of the RFA. Saeyoung’s pretty sure ‘Vanderwood’ isn’t his real name, just like Luciel is Saeyoung’s baptismal one, and how Seven’s just his alias. It’s what they do, as secret agents, so really—it should be fine to use Vanderwood’s name. Or at least that’s what he hopes.

The two decide to meet on a Friday afternoon when thankfully Saeyoung’s schedule will be relatively free. His current client gave him a job that won’t take too long as it isn’t very difficult, and then he’ll at least have the entire weekend to himself before he’ll be swamped with work again come Monday. Sometimes, his job is very stressful and life-threatening, but then there are these rare occasions where it’s almost the complete opposite.

Along with his red wig that goes just beneath his shoulders, Saeyoung’s chosen to wear a light blue and white striped dress, and dark red heels. It had taken him ages to get used to wearing high heels back in the day, and sometimes they still hurt, but Saeyoung figures it’ll be okay if it’s just for a few hours. At least he won’t have to run around a lot today, as they’ll just be having coffee and apparently taking a walk down by the pier.

The look on Zen’s face when the two meet is priceless, to say the least. Saeyoung’s never seen anyone _literally_ drop their jaw up until now, and he has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing.

“Wow,” Zen breathes. “You’re beautiful. More so than in your pictures.”

Saeyoung giggles at that, tucking a lock of hair, or wig, behind his ear. “And you’re even more of a charmer in person, Zen. Maybe that’s just something that comes with your profession?”

“No, no—I’m a gentleman at heart,” Zen replies, smiling. “It _does_ help on stage, of course.”

Normally, this would be the time when the two of them got to know each other, but since Saeyoung already knows a lot about Zen, that isn’t the case. And it really isn’t the same for Zen, either, since Saeyoung’s just making stuff up about this Mary person as they keep talking. The longer time passes, the less he gets the urge to laugh at the entire situation, and maybe that’s just because he’s getting used to it.

As had been promised earlier, after their coffee, the two take a walk down by the pier, and Saeyoung mostly just lets Zen talk about himself and his job. As much as Saeyoung already knows about Zen, there are a few things he does learn that he didn’t know before. Of course, there _are_ things he can’t learn by using his computer, no matter how good he is at hacking and gathering information electronically. The concept of gathering information through verbal conversation is still pretty foreign to him.

“… but I haven’t talked to him since. I’m sorry, this is probably not something you should talk to on your first date. If I’m allowed to call it that?”

Saeyoung shakes his head. “It’s okay, I’d like to think of it that way, too. And don’t worry, I don’t mind. Do you… miss him?”

Zen shrugs. “Not that much, actually. Maybe that’s just because of how betrayed I still feel. I don’t know if it makes me petty to feel hurt for so long, but I can’t help it. He’s family, after all.”

“I probably would, too,” Saeyoung responds slowly. A sting of guilt pricks him in the chest as he remembers the months after he’d gotten his twin back into his life before Saeran finally found it in his heart to forgive Saeyoung. It was a long time ago now, but time will never heal the wounds that opened after so many years of separation, of Saeyoung having to abandon his brother to save them both.

“Do you have any siblings, Mary?”

“I do,” Saeyoung says before he can catch himself. Quickly, he decides to just roll with it. Zen doesn’t know. “I have a younger brother.”

“Do you keep in contact with him?”

“… Semi-regularly, yes,” Saeyoung elects to say. He finds himself making Mary pretty similar to Zen, and it isn’t on purpose.

Zen looks out over the ocean, his shoulders relaxing with his exhale. Saeyoung watches him from the side, sees that Zen seems to be in thought. Saeyoung doesn’t ask personal questions, that’s been part of him since about the time he joined the agency way back when. But now, with Zen, he wonders if it’s okay to ask Zen at least _somewhat_ personal questions, considering the fact that he’s doing it as Mary. As someone who Zen still doesn’t know very well, a woman he met on social media.

“Maybe… now that it’s been so long, things have changed,” Saeyoung begins, somewhat tentatively. “Would you be willing to get back in touch with your family if they wanted to?”

“I don’t know,” Zen sighs. “Something tells me their views of me and the choices I’ve made won’t ever change. And as long as they won’t, I don’t want to consider them family.”

Saeyoung decides to drop the subject, and the two leave the pier not too long after that. Zen offers to walk ‘Mary’ back home, but Saeyoung kindly declines, saying he’d feel bad should Zen have to walk that far. Thankfully, Zen obliges, and they part after Zen gives Saeyoung, or ‘Mary’, a kiss on the cheek.

“I want to see you again soon,” Zen murmurs, still lingering dangerously close. Saeyoung holds his breath, but he does nod, after which Zen moves away.

Saeyoung rounds the corner, but he peeks around it to watch Zen leave, and then he heads back home. Saeran isn’t in the house when he gets in, which means he’s over at Yoosung’s place. It isn’t very late yet, but Saeyoung doesn’t expect his brother to be back before the next day.

He orders himself a pizza, and eats it in the living room in front of the TV while still in his dress and thigh-highs. The heels are uncomfortable after a while, but Saeyoung often times just really likes wearing dresses because they’re so comfortable. _Screw sweatpants when you can wear dresses_ , he thinks. It’s one of the few good things that come with this job… getting to wear dresses.

The TV quickly turns into background noise, and Saeyoung only finishes half of his pizza, the rest of which goes into the fridge. He spends way too much time in the shower, but most of it is spent by doing absolutely nothing. It’s been a weird day, to say the least, and he can’t wait to get to bed early tonight.

The wig, dress and stockings now hanging on his chair, Saeyoung crawls into bed, and turns off the light. Silence and darkness hits, and he sighs in relief. This is how he prefers it to be; quiet, and peaceful. Maybe that’s why he’s such a night owl, why he normally prefers to stay up late, because it’s usually just him and the darkness and silence that comes with nightfall. There’s just something about staying up at night that he prefers over the day, and it might just be because it provides him with solitude. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, and you can’t take the darkness away from a secret agent.

Crawling in under the covers, Saeyoung pulls the duvet up over his nose. He brings his hand to his cheek, and suddenly feels his body temperature suddenly rise as his mind replays the events of the afternoon. He doesn’t understand why he’d react like this when all it is, is a prank. He doesn’t understand why he’s even _thinking_ about it, why he so vividly and clearly recalls Zen’s profile as they were standing by the pier looking out over the ocean.

 _I want to see you again soon_.

Saeyoung’s breath hitches in his throat, and he pulls the duvet all the way over his head.

“Shit,” he whispers. “ _Shit_.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a good thing Saeyoung works as a secret agent, or he probably wouldn't be able to dodge bullet after bullet as well as he does.

_Saeyoung_.

 

It really doesn’t disappear when Zen sends him a ‘good morning’ message. At first, Saeyoung wakes up in a panic thinking it’s his boss sending him a text message, but he realises then that it’s not his work phone buzzing, it’s the phone he uses for RFA-related things, and now also the snowball that is this prank he’s pulling on Zen. When Saeyoung reads Zen’s message, he realises that this snowball isn’t going to decrease in size, rather the opposite, unless he does something about it.

**[ZEN: Good morning, beautiful~ I had a wonderful time yesterday. I hope you did, too.]**

 

Saeyoung slaps his forehead and groans, letting his hand slowly run down his face. Yep, this is bad. What’s he gonna do, tell Zen the truth? Say ‘oh ha-ha, this was just a prank, sorry you fell for someone who doesn’t exist’? Zen would hate him for the rest of their lives. But he also can’t just let things keep going… can he?

**[Mary Vanderwood the 3 rd: Hey Zen, look… my name’s not really Mary**

 

He doesn’t get to finish the message before the phone in his hand starts ringing. Saeyoung nearly drops it when he flinches in surprise, but manages to catch it and answer the call, which, of course, is from Zen.

“H-hello?” he responds, attempting to replicate Mary’s voice to the best of his abilities… though he isn’t so sure it’s working very well considering he just woke up less than five minutes ago. Zen thankfully seems to fall for it, though.

“ _Good morning, sunshine_ ,” he sing-songs. “ _Did I wake you up?_ ”

Saeyoung slowly sits up in bed, attempting not to make any noise in doing so. He briefly wonders if his brother’s in the house. “Uh, no, it’s okay,” he lies. “What’s up?”

Zen laughs. “ _You don’t seem like you’ve completely woken up yet, princess. I just wanted to call and say good morning._ ”

Ah, so his voice _doesn’t_ quite sound like Mary’s, just like Saeyoung feared. It’s a good thing he can blame the early morning for his voice not being quite the way it’s supposed to.

“Oh,” he replies. “I’m flattered you thought of me, Zen.”

“ _How couldn’t I? I keep thinking of your cute face. Not to freak you out or anything, but I’m pretty sure I dreamt about you last night_.”

For the second time that morning, Saeyoung nearly drops his phone in shock, but for the second time that morning, he also manages to catch it just in time. If he keeps this up, he’s soon enough going to have a bunch of bruises and possibly a regular nosebleed because of Zen. And this definitely wasn’t on Saeyoung’s list of ‘things I expect to happen before I die’.

“I hope it was a good dream.”

“ _Oh I’m sure it was. Anyway, I probably shouldn’t keep you on the line much longer. I’m heading to the gym soon, as well. I hope you have a good day, Mary_.”

For a second, Saeyoung completely forgets his persona, but when Zen says ‘Mary’, he’s taken back right out of his reverie, and he clears his throat before responding in the most Mary-esque voice he can muster.

“Have a good day you, too, Zen.”

Zen makes a sound akin to a dog’s whimpering, and it almost makes Saeyoung laugh. “ _God you’re cute. Ah, I can’t! Talk to you soon!_ ”

Saeyoung listens to Zen hanging up, and then he drops his phone back onto the bed with a long sigh. He really hopes Zen doesn’t want to see Mary again anytime soon, because he really needs some time to recover from all this. To say that his prank backfired is to put it very lightly. Now it’s just a matter of trying to get out of it as smoothly as possible, but he knows that the longer he waits, the bigger the snowball’s going to grow, and the larger the impact’s going to be, as well.

This is probably one of the reasons as to why the agency didn’t allow people to have close personal relationships at all in the past. They’ve loosened their rules a bit over the years, so technically it’s sort of allowed now, but in Saeyoung’s case, the old rules would’ve been good to have right now.

He attempts to distract himself by bugging Yoosung now that Saeran’s left his apartment, and he’s glad Yoosung seems to want his company for once. Saeyoung’s got the entire weekend free, which he’d originally been happy about, but now all he wants is to drown himself in work again. Him having time off work obviously leads to some questionable decisions being made.

“Can you _stop_ spamming that move?! It’s cheap, and really annoying.”

Saeyoung grins. “No. Come on, you’re better than me at this game. You’re just pissed because this isn’t LOLOL.”

“I’m not,” Yoosung snorts in offence. “This is the last game, and then I’m picking something else.”

“But I’m the guest,” Saeyoung protests weakly. “You should let me pick.”

“No, because if I do, _this_ happens.”

Even though Yoosung gets to pick the last game after Saeyoung wins the game by a landslide, Saeyoung ends up winning in the next game, too. Not only is it fun to pull pranks on Yoosung, it’s also fun to watch him be upset about losing in a video game. It’s the little things.

“Screw this,” Yoosung exclaims, and sighs in exasperation. “I want pizza. It’s on you.”

“Fine,” Saeyoung laughs, and picks up his phone to order them pizza.

Saeyoung ends up overstaying his welcome by quite a bit, even though it _is_ a weekend. Yoosung offers him to stay the night, but considering the size of Yoosung’s room and not to mention _bed_ , Saeyoung declines. It’s weird enough knowing his own twin’s slept there more than a handful of times, and that’s not the entire story, either.

“Don’t be a stranger,” Yoosung makes him promise. Saeyoung’s job does prevent him from having a social life very often, but it isn’t really anything he can do about. If the agency wants him to work, he has to work. If he’s finished sooner than the deadline for his current client, that’s whatever time he’s allowed to have a social life.

He heads back home in the dark, and is glad to find his brother in the house when he returns.

“You sure took your time,” Saeran greets him, and Saeyoung shrugs.

“Spent some time with the shooting star… guy never wants to stop playing games.”

Saeran raises an eyebrow. “Reminds me of someone else.”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Saeyoung says as he heads for the bathroom, hoping to get in bed soon.

 

* * *

 

The next time he meets Zen, things go both better and worse than they did the first time around. It’s better in the sense that Saeyoung now knows what to do, but it’s also worse because of his budding feelings that he’s decided to take to his grave. There’s no need for Zen to know. He’s straight as a ruler, would never even _think_ of looking at another man. Up until recently, Saeyoung hadn’t really considered being attracted to men, but of course… seeing people in a different light can do anything. Apparently, it can make people like Saeyoung question their sexuality.

It’s bad, very bad, because Saeyoung finds himself just really wanting to be around Zen; wanting to talk to him, listen to him talk about whatever he wants to talk about, and just enjoy the time they spend together. But he also knows that Zen isn’t freeing up time to see Saeyoung, he’s seeing Mary. In reality, Saeyoung has the option to choose between being okay with the way things are, being okay with having to disguise himself as someone else in order to continue seeing Zen like this—or he can tell Zen the truth and hope it doesn’t go as bad as he fears.

“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, because I do mean it very positively,” Zen says as he takes Saeyoung’s hand in his. “But I think it’s pretty attractive how you’re more muscular and taller than most other women my age. It makes me less scared of possibly hurting you by just touching you.”

Saeyoung laughs nervously and averts his gaze. “I do work out a lot. I’m glad you don’t find it unattractive.”

Zen hums, narrowing his eyes with a little smile that makes Saeyoung’s heart flutter as he sees it in the corner of his eye. “Not at all. You’re beautiful no matter what, Mary.”

Saeyoung’s slowly starting to hate hearing that name.

He still manages to avoid having Zen walk him home, knowing that would very much reveal him, and he hurries inside so he can get out of his wig, heels and dress, not to mention wash off his makeup. When Saeyoung makes it inside the house, he finds Saeran in the living room on the way to the bathroom, and he stops in the doorway.

“Hey,” he says. “How was work?”

Saeran shrugs. “The usual. How was your date?”

“I wasn’t on a date.”

“It sure wasn’t work, that’s for sure,” Saeran responds with the slightest hint of a laugh in his voice. “You seem to either forget that we’re twins, or you’re severely underestimating my ability to read you as your twin brother.”

Saeyoung snorts. “What are you implying?”

“I know you like him. It’s fine to admit that, you know. I just wish you wouldn’t keep secrets from me; I mean, I _am_ the only one who knows about your prank, anyway. The prank that went wrong, that is.”

Of course he knew Saeran would eventually figure it out. It wouldn’t even surprise him if Saeran’s known for a while, just _because_ they’re twins, and they know each other better than anyone else does. That thing people often say about twins having some sort of telepathy must be true, because they often don’t have to verbally say things for the other to understand. And in situations like these, those twin advantages become the complete opposite.

“It didn’t go wrong, it’s very much still going on and I don’t have feelings for Zen. He’s a friend I just happened to find out would fall for my prank.”

Saeran rolls his eyes, and crosses his arms over his chest. “I used to say the same thing about Yoosung, remember? And you were so adamant about me admitting that I liked him. I know you. And I know you like Hyun.”

Hearing Zen’s birth name sends a chill down Saeyoung’s spine. He’s being backed into a corner, and he doesn’t like it. As much as Saeran had been the ‘weaker’ of the two when they were younger, these days their roles are almost switched. Not that Saeyoung dislikes the fact that his brother has become more confident and stronger, but he doesn’t like it when Saeran uses it to corner him like this.

“It doesn’t matter if I like him or not,” Saeyoung says. “I’m going to end this prank soon, anyway, and it’ll all go back to the way things used to be.”

“Don’t you think it’s a little late to go back now that Hyun’s developed feelings for ‘Mary’?”

“Maybe it is, but what else am I gonna do?!”

Saeran shrugs, and he gets off the couch to meet his brother. “Oh, I don’t know. Tell him the truth, maybe.”

“You make it sound like that’s so easy.”

“I didn’t say it was. But it’s probably easier than continuing to dig your own grave like this. I’m just trying to help you.”

“Then don’t butt in!” Saeyoung exclaims, and he storms off into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind him before Saeran can completely keep him in place, either physically or otherwise. He immediately regrets lashing out on his brother like that; he knows Saeran just wants to help and that he’s concerned for Saeyoung. And that’s something Saeyoung won’t ever take for granted, because he’s spent too much time without his brother in his life to ever be able to even think the thought.

He spends a good fifteen minutes or so just sitting on the floor with his back against the door, leaning his forehead against his knees. The wig slowly comes off and lies next to him, and when he finally gets off the floor, the dress joins said wig in a pile. He almost wants to burn them, but that just means he’ll have to get a new wig since he doesn’t have any other ones with long, red hair like this one. He doesn’t have any other wigs that can make him look like the woman he made up that Zen would fall in love with.

And of course, Saeyoung would end up falling for _him_.

When he comes back out of the bathroom, Saeran’s left the living room, presumably having gone to bed. Saeyoung feels both guilty and relieved; guilty because it means they go to bed while still not having made up, but he’s also relieved because it means he doesn’t have a chance to fuck things up further right now. He makes a mental note to talk things out with his brother the next day. He’s good at procrastinating, but when it comes to family, it’s an entirely different matter.

Saeyoung practically crashes as soon as his head hits the pillow, and he ends up sleeping for nearly ten hours as he’d completely forgotten to set the alarm the night before. All he wants is to go back to work, but he’s got an entire weekend to suffer through before that can happen.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyun talks to Jaehee and has a startling dream. Meanwhile, Saeyoung continues to dodge bullets, but he wonders just how long his luck will last until one finally hits him.

_Hyun_.

 

When the director’s being particularly pissy one Thursday afternoon, Hyun takes a break despite said director’s loud disapproval. He’s a human being with the right to take a five-minute break every now and then, for god’s sake. Often times, the musical actors are being worked like animals. Very few breaks and hard training for up to nine hours a day can really take a toll on you if you haven’t already gotten used to it, which Hyun certainly has. But he still lets himself take a break every now and then even if his director or anyone else on the team dislikes it.

The director had chewed him out earlier that morning for apparently having screwed up. Which in and of itself is _absurd_ , because Hyun knows he rarely ever does screw up. He reads his lines through a million times, makes sure he’s got the pronunciation down, and always sees to it that his dance moves are perfect. So of course it baffles him when the director had been angry and told him he’d made not just one but _several_ mistakes.

“ _If you’ve got a lot on your mind, that’s fine, but don’t go bringing that shit to work,_ ” he’d been told. A lot on his mind? No, maybe just one _person_ , and yes, she takes up a lot of his thoughts, but he still wouldn’t say he has ‘a lot on his mind’. Maybe he’s just having an off week. Everyone has those every now and then, it’d make sense if Hyun had it happen to him, too, even though his performance is usually pretty much perfect.

Hyun wants to understand Mary, wants to understand just how women think. The last thing he wants is to screw up when he wants to start a romantic relationship with Mary, so he turns to Jaehee for help. Had he done this a few years prior, she’d refused and said she shouldn’t ‘hang out’ with him since she’s his fan. Hyun’s just really glad Jaehee got past that, because her putting him on a pedestal like that made him uncomfortable. They’re in the same organisation, after all; they should be equals.

“So there’s something I haven’t told you… or anyone, really,” Hyun confesses, slowly running the tip of his index finger along the rim of his coffee mug. “I’ve met someone.”

Jaehee raises her eyebrows in surprise. “You have? Through work?”

Hyun shakes his head. “No, it’s… kind of a funny story. I met her online. And before you bite my head off,” he says as he sees Jaehee about to get off her chair, “I’ve already met her a few times in person. I just… I really like her, and I want to properly start dating her, but I don’t know much about women. I mean, sure—I went out with a few girls when I was _younger_ , but this is different. I just don’t wanna screw up, you know?”

“I see,” Jaehee responds, and she relaxes in her chair again. “What exactly do you want me to help you with?”

“It might sound strange, but I’d love it if you could just… help me understand the way women think. I don’t wanna end up unintentionally hurting her feelings by saying something dumb, and stuff like that.”

Jaehee hums, and she takes a sip of her coffee before responding. Hyun feels like maybe he should’ve brought a notebook and a pen to write things down; even though it isn’t a lot of information for him to take in, there’s a bunch of things Jaehee brings up that he isn’t really used to incorporating into his own life. He’s always known that women are generally more sensitive than men, but they’re also better at handling and dealing with their emotions than men are.

People might think Hyun’s experienced when it comes to women, relationships and love since he portrays a lot of it on stage, but that’s just Zen. Hyun, on the other hand, now almost feels clueless when a person like Mary has walked into his life. He doesn’t know what to do, what to say, _how_ to say things. He knows that the worst thing he can do is to completely go on any of the plays he’s been in, because they’re fiction. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the line between fiction and reality, in this case, is pretty thick.

“Just be yourself,” Jaehee concludes. “Let things take time, don’t rush it. Pay attention to her. I’m… really not the best person to ask, admittedly, but I’m just telling you what I, as a woman, would appreciate from a man.”

Hyun smiles gratefully. “I’m still really glad I talked to you. Thanks, Jaehee.”

That night, he goes to bed while thinking about his conversation with Jaehee about Mary. And maybe he should’ve expected that thinking of Mary before falling asleep would end up with him dreaming about her. It’s strange, because he can barely hear what she’s saying, but he somehow still understands what she’s saying. She smiles a lot, makes jokes, makes Hyun’s heart flutter. He can’t help but study her features, take in every single detail about her.

Hyun can’t help but want to be close. Oddly enough, Mary doesn’t move away when he scoots closer, but that’s something he’s thankful for. He allows himself to gaze into Mary’s golden eyes, sees them reflect the stars in the sky, and he feels like his heart might explode. Mary says something again, and she winks before she laughs at her own joke. Hyun smiles, and then very briefly, her long hair turns into a shorter, curly hairdo that’s more orange than her usual red hair, and a pair of yellow and grey-striped glasses frame Mary’s golden eyes.

 _Mary_?

The sight startles him so much that he flinches, and Mary looks at him with a confused look.

“ _What’s wrong?_ ” she asks, and Hyun notices he can finally hear Mary’s voice, though it’s muffled as if he’s wearing headphones. His vision slowly fades to white, and static noise grows louder and louder in his ears before it completely cuts out, and Hyun wakes up covered in sweat.

“What… the hell was that?” he asks himself in the silence and darkness of his bedroom. His bedside alarm clock tells him it’s about five in the morning, so he has a few hours yet to sleep. But Hyun doesn’t think he’ll be able to fall back asleep, so he gets out of bed to go on a morning run instead to clear his thoughts.

 

* * *

 

 _Saeyoung_.

 

Saeyoung hates, _hates_ working nights. He’s almost done now, though, but it’s six in the morning, and the sun has just about started coming up. Glaring at his window, Saeyoung pulls down the drapes, and mutters under his breath. Getting out of this job is looking more and more tempting as time goes on, but Saeyoung doesn’t really know what he’d do if he wasn’t a secret agent.

It isn’t as if his identity as ‘Luciel’ is needed now, as he and Saeran aren’t in direct danger these days. Their mother committed suicide years ago, and following a political scandal that ruined his career and basically his life, the Choi twins’ father and the former president has now fled the country. It took a long, long time, but they’re finally free, not needing to feel fear wherever they go and whoever they’re with.

When Saeyoung finally finishes his job, he leans back in his office chair that creaks as he stretches his upper body with a yawn. His phone suddenly vibrates on the desk, and it almost causes him to tip his chair backwards. When Saeyoung picks up his phone to see who’s calling, his heart flies up into his throat as he sees Zen’s name on the screen. At this time? Something might actually be urgent, seeing as Zen’s calling his RFA number, and not the one he uses for ‘Mary’.

He hastily clears his throat before answering. “Hello?”

“ _Seven, hey! Hope I didn’t wake you? I knew you tend to work nights_.”

Saeyoung frowns lightly, trying to still his hammering heartbeat by regulating his breathing. “Yeah, no, I’m still awake. Something up?”

“ _Well, it’s just… I was wondering if it’s okay if I stop by for a little bit? I’ve got something I need to ask you, is all!_ ”

Zen sounds awfully cheery for some reason, and a little out of breath. Saeyoung has absolutely no idea what this could be about; it can’t be RFA-related because Zen would’ve definitely said so instead of just saying ‘something I need to ask you’. They aren’t the closest of friends, either, which is why Saeyoung fails to see what reason Zen could have for wanting to come over at this hour.

“Oh, uh… yeah, I guess? Sure, come on by.”

“ _Thanks! And sorry for calling so early in the morning_.”

When Saeyoung hangs up, he notices he hasn’t yet removed the nail polish he still has from ‘Mary’s’ last date with Zen. In a panic, Saeyoung flies up from his chair and runs into the bathroom to grab some acetone and cotton pads. Zen didn’t say where he was, so he could be at Saeyoung’s doorstep any minute now. He’s just relieved Saeran’s spending the night at Yoosung’s, because he isn’t in the mood for an awkward situation he just _knows_ would happen should Saeran and Zen accidentally meet now.

Thankfully, Saeyoung has enough time to remove his nail polish and the acetone smell from his hands with plenty of soap and hand lotion before Zen rings on his doorbell. Saeyoung absolutely hates how his legs turn to jelly at the sound of it, like he’s one of Pavlov’s dogs that somehow defected and instead of drooling now has trouble walking properly because he heard a goddamn doorbell ring.

Well, at least he isn’t drooling.

Saeyoung opens the door and almost has to take a step back when Zen grins brightly at him; it’s like staring straight at the sun because Zen is far too bright this early in the morning.

“Hey!” Zen says. “Again, sorry for calling and dropping by at this hour, but… like I said, I figured you were awake. And you could’ve said no.”

 _Debatable_ , Saeyoung thinks to himself. “’S fine,” he says. “You wanna come in instead of just standing on my doorstep?”

Zen opts to come inside, but they still don’t move away from the hallway. Saeyoung gets the feeling Zen won’t be staying too long, and he thinks it’s for the best, anyway, as much as he actually might want Zen to stay. Had he _not_ pulled this stupid prank and things would’ve been different in general, then maybe. But now that this is the situation he’s in, he’s got to face the consequences of his actions.

“So, uh, what… what did you wanna talk about?”

Saeyoung can’t bring himself to face Zen; he has no idea what kind of face he’s making and he’s afraid he might be making the _wrong_ face, which would definitely give Zen reason to be suspicious of him. So instead he stands and stubbornly looks down at his feet, his body half turned away from his uninvited guest.

“Huh? Oh, yeah!” Zen says as if he somehow _forgot_ the reason as to why he’s there in the first place. “I wanted to ask if you know someone named Mary Vanderwood? She kinda reminds me of you, so I thought I’d ask.”

Saeyoung’s heart almost stops, and he struggles to not react visibly in front of Zen. He’s getting dangerously close to his prank being exposed now, but it’s also slowly getting to the point where he absolutely can’t tell Zen the truth.

“I… I don’t think I do,” he responds, hoping to God his voice isn’t trembling. “I’ve met a lot of people, but… no, Mary doesn’t sound familiar.”

Zen makes a _huh_ -sound, and Saeyoung can almost see him shrugging even though he doesn’t actually _see_ Zen. “Oh, well. You seem kinda similar, to be honest, it’s almost scary. I’m sure if you met her you two would get along really well—“

 _Please don’t suggest it, please don’t suggest it, please don’t suggest it_ —

“—but I wanna keep her to myself,” Zen laughs. Saeyoung swallows hard, closing his eyes briefly and exhaling slowly through his nose. “Sorry I came by for this weird thing… I prefer talking face-to-face rather than over the phone.”

“It’s fine,” Saeyoung says. “I was up, anyway.”

“Yeah, I figured as much. Well, I shouldn’t disturb you any longer; I need to head to practice soon, anyway. See ya around, Seven!”

Zen leaves, grinning cheerfully and lifting his hand in a wave as he does. Saeyoung watches Zen walk away, his figure growing smaller the further away he gets, and then he closes the door.

He feels like they’re playing hide and seek, and Zen’s just walked right past his hiding spot without noticing him. As soon as he’s closed the door, Saeyoung exhales a large sigh of relief. He’s definitely dodged a bullet, but he also knows he might not get so lucky next time.

Not many days go by until they schedule their next date, and Saeyoung prepares for his inevitable downfall, and his prank’s exposure. There’s a reason he chose the baptismal name ‘Luciel’ for himself, after all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A certain someone screws up, and shit hits the fan.

_Hyun_.

 

His heart’s still racing now that he’s walking away from another date. Since meeting Mary, Hyun has become self-conscious about the way he looks, because Mary looks _so much better_ than he does. And up until just recently, such a concept was foreign to him. Maybe meeting Mary also taught him to be a little humbler; he’s still getting there, but he’s definitely changed in the time he’s known her. During pretty much the entirety of their date, he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about how lucky he is to get to go out with someone as attractive as her.

At the same time, Hyun can’t stop thinking about the other day when he’d gone to Seven to ask him about Mary. It isn’t that Hyun doubts Seven’s telling him the truth, but something’s still bothering him about it. Maybe there’s some story behind it that neither of them want to talk about, something painful? Of course he isn’t going to pry, but that doesn’t stop him from being curious.

There are many mysteries surrounding Mary, and while he understands women have some things they don’t want to talk about, Hyun can’t help but wonder why there are so many things Mary seems to be keeping secret from him. Maybe it’s just that she doesn’t trust him fully yet, or that she wants to continue taking things slow. Either way, Hyun isn’t going anywhere; he’s serious, he’s in love, and he’s definitely not going to let himself be deterred by his love interest not choosing to share some of the details in her life with him. It isn’t as if he doesn’t know _anything_ about her, because he knows quite a bit by this point.

Hyun knows Mary has a crazy fast metabolism, and as a result she can eat pretty much anything without gaining weight. She has a certain infatuation with fast food in general, and having grown up with a brother, she’s apparently very good at playing video games.

 _She really does remind me of him_.

He’s so over-excited and euphoric that he can’t sit still, and he feels a little bad for Jaehee who has to put up with him like this. They’ve started hanging out more regularly now, and it’s nice to have that weird barrier between them broken down after all this time. If it’s something that really made Hyun uncomfortable in the past, it was people who put him on a pedestal and saw him as something he never was and never would become.

It’s strange, and something Hyun definitely doesn’t want to admit, but he thinks it _might_ just be because of Jumin that this all happened in the first place. It isn’t a theory he wants to mention out loud, because it would inevitably make its way to Jumin’s ears sooner or later, and that jerk definitely doesn’t need a bigger head.

“I’m glad things seem to be going well for you,” Jaehee says, and she sounds like she really means it. “You deserve to be happy.”

Hyun grins. “Thanks, Jaehee.”

“So… I don’t mean to snoop, but do you have any pictures of her I could see? I have yet to actually see her, and I can’t deny being curious.”

There are a few pictures of Mary that Hyun’s saved on his phone; most of which she’d sent to him, but some he’d taken himself when she hadn’t been paying attention. He likes those photos best, when people aren’t expecting it, because it’s more natural that way. There’s a certain photo Hyun took that he’s especially fond of, where Mary’s looking out over the ocean with an almost nostalgic look on her face, as she’s tucking away a stray lock of her hair behind her ear. The sun’s reflecting in her eyes, making them look even more golden than they already are.

Jaehee studies the photos Hyun shows her without saying anything, and the straight line her mouth has formed almost worries Hyun, but he doesn’t know why it should.

“Did you say her name was Mary?” Jaehee asks.

“Yes? Why, do you recognise her?”

Jaehee returns the phone to Hyun, and she takes a sip of her coffee. “I do. I’m surprised you don’t.”

“What do you mean?”

She sighs, and Hyun’s confusion grows, at the same time as he’s becoming almost impatient. What does Jaehee suddenly know that he doesn’t?

“I don’t think it’s anything you should hear from me.”

“What do you mean? Just tell me, you’re making me worried here.”

“It’s nothing dangerous, Zen. But… well, I think you should talk to Saeyoung. I’ll say that much.”

Hyun frowns. “Seven? What’s he got to do with Mary?”

“I told you to find that out for yourself.”

After they’ve parted, and far into the evening, Jaehee’s words still echo in Hyun’s head, and he can’t concentrate on trying to rehearse his script. In a fit of sudden annoyance, he chucks it against the wall and sighs exasperatedly. Never mind Seven, the one he wants to talk to right now is Mary.

Hyun presses his finger to her name in his recent calls list, and drums his fingers on his desk as he waits for her to pick up. It takes a little longer than it usually does, but sure enough, Mary does answer his call.

“ _Hello? Zen?_ ”

“Hey, Mary,” he says, smiling to himself in relief at hearing her voice. “Are you busy?”

“ _Not really_ ,” Mary says. “ _Is something wrong?_ ”

“No, I just… wanted to hear your voice. I can’t concentrate on rehearsing my script.”

That’s only part of the truth, but Hyun feels like letting her know the entirety of it isn’t necessary at the moment. It’s probably better if he doesn’t let her know just in case Jaehee’s suspicion, whatever it is, is wrong. If there’s something he dislikes, it’s creating unnecessary drama. He gets enough of the fictional kind on stage, anyway.

“ _I’m flattered you thought of me_ ,” Mary says, and Hyun’s heart swells to almost twice its size as she says those words. Hell, it doesn’t matter _what_ she says anymore—anything and Hyun feels like he could ascend to heaven.

“I... I miss you,” Hyun finds himself whispering into the phone. He can’t help himself now that he’s completely overcome with all of these weird feelings he’s always tried to keep at an arms-length distance for his and Mary’s own good. Maybe it’s okay, at least Mary hasn’t shown any signs of really disliking where things are going between the two.

He hears her sigh on the other end of the line. “ _I miss you too, Hyun_.”

It takes him a second to really hear what she’s saying, and when he does, his eyebrows slowly sink into a confused frown. The seconds he lets pass between them feel like minutes, but at first, he just doesn’t know what to say. It can’t have been a mistake; only the RFA knows about his real name outside his biological family.

“How’d you know my name?” he asks. It then hits him that he still doesn’t know what Mary does for a living. A ridiculous thought enters his mind for a second that makes him want to laugh, and he immediately tries to discard it, but traces of it still remain as he waits for Mary’s response. What if she’s a hacker much like Seven is? It isn’t completely impossible; they’re all living in the same city, after all.

When Mary doesn’t immediately respond, Hyun repeats his question. “Mary. How did you know my name’s Hyun?”

“ _I’ve—I’ve gotta go_ ,” Mary stammers. “ _I’m sorry, something just came up. Talk to you soon._ ”

And he doesn’t get a chance to say anything before he hears Mary hang up, after which he’s forced to listen to the long beep that follows. Hyun stares at his phone in disbelief before he turns off the display and puts it down on the table in front of him. How the hell does she know?

That’s when Jaehee’s words finally make sense. That’s why all of the very tiny suspicions and question marks he’s had up until this point come back to him right now like a whole bunch of bullets all at once.

 _I don’t think it’s anything you should hear from me_.

 _I think you should talk to Saeyoung_.

And that’s exactly what Hyun’s going to do.

 

* * *

 

Seven won’t return Hyun’s calls, and he doesn’t open his front door when Hyun frantically rings the doorbell, either. Of course, getting a hold of Seven when he doesn’t want to be found is practically impossible, so Hyun has to ask for help elsewhere. Saeran is kind, maybe _too_ kind, and he says he doesn’t want to do anything against his brother’s will.

“You want to hear what I think?” Saeran asks, and Hyun nods, a little surprised. “I honestly didn’t think you would go after him now that you know.”

Hyun frowns. “It’s not like that. I just want to know why he did it, and why he had to take it so far. I can’t believe I fell in love with someone who was completely made up.”

Saeran regards Hyun for a moment without saying anything, and then he sighs quietly. “You know… Mary wasn’t made up. I mean, yes, the name was, and obviously Saeyoung isn’t a woman. But he’s just been living out his actual personality through a made-up person because he’s a coward. Simply put. I’m not gonna say anything else, because I shouldn’t be the one to tell you all this.”

“Jaehee said the exact same thing,” Hyun whines. “Everyone who knows refuses to tell me, and the one person who apparently _should_ tell me all this is avoiding me. Fine, I can give up. It’s not like it matters, anyway.”

“It doesn’t?”

Hyun raises an eyebrow. “Should it?”

Saeran opens his mouth to respond, but closes it again shortly before starting over. “Like I told you. Nothing was fake but the name and the wig.”

What is it with the people around him saying things that end up sticking to the back of his mind for hours or even _days_ afterwards? Hyun doesn’t like it, and he doesn’t really know what Saeran wants him to do with the information, either. Seven lied to him, and there’s no twisting or bending that fact. Hyun absolutely hates liars, and by association, does that mean he now hates Seven, a friend of his since several years back? Sure, Seven can be a little weird sometimes, but they’ve always gotten along. The question is if Hyun’s going to let this thing redefine or even ruin their friendship.

Right now, Hyun has no idea what to do. He’s confused, because if what Saeran said was true, Hyun’s basically been going out on dates with Seven just wearing a wig, make-up and a dress. This revelation makes Hyun backtrack all the way back to the beginning of having known ‘Mary’, and he mentally slaps himself on the forehead when he realises more and more things. ‘Mary’ having a brother? Seven does, too. It’s strange how he hadn’t even bothered to make _that_ part if he’d already fabricated a whole bunch of other lies.

If Saeran’s right about nothing but the wig being fake, it also means Hyun’s—

No. It can’t… can it? Hyun’s always seen himself as a ladies’ man, never once looked at a man a second too long. Of course, he hasn’t really thought about the idea, either, but since he fell for Mary in the wig with the make-up and the dress, doesn’t that still mean he’s straight, even if the person behind it all is a man?

Hyun wants to almost give up on trying to contact Seven once a week has passed and he’s tried at least once a day to call, send text messages, and he’s even been at the Choi twins’ house again. The worst part about being back there was seeing the odd mix of pity and impatience on Saeran’s face. Pity, because of course—he’s been pranked, and it was all Seven’s fault. But Saeran’s probably impatient because nothing’s being done about it. But if Hyun can’t even get a _hold_ of Seven, what’s he gonna do?

“I know someone who could help you.”

Hyun looks up, having had his face buried between his arms crossed on the table. “Who?”

Yoosung scratches his cheek, averting his gaze. “You’re not gonna like it.”

“Just spill it, Yoosung,” Hyun sighs. “I’m not in the mood for guessing games—both Jaehee and Saeran have forced me to play those a lot recently.”

“Jumin.”

Hyun inhales sharply and accidentally has saliva going down the wrong pipe. When he’s calmed down from his little coughing fit, he glares at Yoosung, who still doesn’t look his way.

“You can’t be serious.”

“Who else are you gonna ask? Saeran won’t help, and I don’t think Jaehee could help, at least not better than Jumin.”

Hyun imagines going over to Jumin to ask him for help, and he shudders at the mere thought. Giving that guy a bigger head than the one he already has might cause it to explode, and while _that_ thought is tempting, the reason for inflating it is one Hyun doesn’t want to cause. On the other hand, he asks himself just how badly he needs to talk to Seven about this. Why not just let it go and forget it? It would be a lot easier on them both should Hyun just let it slide, laugh at the fact that Seven managed to prank him, and move on.

He suddenly remembers that early morning he’d gone over to Seven’s house to ask about Mary, and the look Seven had on his face during their entire, very short, meeting. Hyun recalls not even once having had his eyes meet Seven’s, and now he’s starting to understand why. Could this be the reason why Seven pranked him in the first place?

“I’ll pretend to think about it,” Hyun mutters. “He’s, like, my plan Z right now. I’m gonna try everything I can and then something else before I even consider talking to that idiot.”

Yoosung rolls his eyes. “Sometimes I wonder if I might actually be older than you, after all.”

“Oh, shut up.”

 

* * *

 

But no matter what Hyun tries to think of, nothing seems like a good plan. He visits the Choi household on weird hours when he _knows_ Seven should be at home, and often times he is, but he either refuses to open the door, or Saeran opens and shakes his head while once again giving Hyun a look of pity. Well, at least he doesn’t look _impatient_ anymore.

It’s terribly inconvenient for him that Seven works as a secret agent who doesn’t really have to leave his house—though he figures it’s _very_ convenient for Seven in this case, when Hyun’s trying to hunt him down. Maybe he should just do what Seven wants him to do; give up. What’s he trying to achieve, anyway? What’s Hyun going to say if they _do_ meet? He hasn’t really thought that far ahead, but with how unlucky he is with tracking Seven down, he figures he probably doesn’t have to think about that part just yet.

**[ZEN: Please respond, or pick up when I call. I’m not gonna yell at you, I just wanna talk.]**

 

He sighs as he’s sent the message, because Hyun knows sending it was basically like throwing a piece of paper into a shredder. Whenever he calls Seven, he’s always sent to voicemail, either directly or after a few annoying beeps. Seven always reads his messages sooner or later, but he never responds. It’s a bit like trying to communicate with a wall; it leaves Hyun with a similar feeling he assumes he’d get if he _did_ try to talk to a wall. It’s pointless, and he feels dumb and almost a bit embarrassed afterwards. All he wants is a reason, that’s it. It both confuses and pisses him off that Seven can’t even give him that after all this.

**[ZEN: He’s in there right now, isn’t he? Just let me in. Give me one chance.]**

**[Saeran: fine. trust me, i’m tired of this, too. but i’m blaming you if he gets pissed with me.]**

 

Hyun rolls his eyes before he sends off a quick response to Saeran. He’s standing outside their house, having argued with their stupid security AI at the front door who keeps insisting that he has to tell her what ‘rubber band’ is in Arabic. Why Arabic, of all languages? To be fair, it’s Seven’s invention, so anything goes. He could’ve just as well picked Norwegian or Spanish—anything to make it near-impossible for his visitors to come inside. As expected of a secret agent slash hacker, really.

Saeran eventually comes down to open the door for him, and it bothers Hyun that his heartrate picks up the second he walks inside.

“Is he working right now?”

Saeran shrugs. “Probably, yeah. He doesn’t have a physical ‘do not disturb’-sign on his door, but I feel like there should be one there right now.”

“Well, I might as well try. Don’t think he could avoid me more than he already has been,” Hyun says, and Saeran lets out a humourless laugh.

“Guess you’re right.”

Saeran leaves him be, and Hyun makes his way to Seven’s bedroom door. He’s only been here a handful of times, if not less than that, so it still feels weird to just walk around in the twins’ house. He’s not even a guest right now, as he hasn’t been invited, and that doesn’t help to make it feel less awkward. The thought of contacting Jumin for help briefly crosses his mind, and Hyun shudders. He knows he’s running out of options, and soon enough Jumin’s going to be the last one he’s got left.

He places his knuckles against the door, hesitating. He wonders if he’s got reason enough for coming all the way over there, but he also knows Seven left him no other choice. If Hyun could’ve done this over the phone, that would’ve probably been better, and he’s sure Seven would’ve preferred that rather than meeting face-to-face.

But he steels himself, and knocks on Seven’s door. He doesn’t hear anything on the other side, and wonders if maybe Seven’s asleep, maybe he’s deeply concentrated and definitely _shouldn’t_ be disturbed. He’s trying to come up with an excuse that’ll be good enough for him to turn around and leave, but Hyun shakes it off as he takes a deep breath.

“Seven? It’s me. I just wanna talk. I’m… I’m not angry, okay? I just wanna talk to you, is all.”

He closes his eyes for a moment, and stands still, awaiting some kind of response from the other side. But all he hears is silence, and it’s deafening. Hyun wonders what Saeran’s doing; he doesn’t want to turn around just in case Saeran’s standing there observing Hyun being an idiot, but he figures Saeran probably has better things to do. Or he at least hopes so.

“Please come out,” he says, or practically begs. Desperation isn’t something he thought would get a hold of him when it came to a person like Seven, but it just proves that he either underestimated Seven, or just doesn’t know him well enough.

He nearly jumps up into the air when the door handle turns, and the door opens. What greets him is a very… sad sight, honestly. Guilt stabs Hyun in the gut like a knife, and he finds it hard to breathe for the first few seconds he stands face to face with Seven.

“Hey,” he finally says. “Thanks for… coming out here.”

Seven shrugs. “What’d you want? I’m working, so make it quick.”

He’s being ice cold, and while it’s expected, Hyun feels uncomfortable. Whatever Seven’s doing, it’s working, because Hyun definitely wants to keep things short and simple so he can leave as soon as possible. Of course, he wants to resolve things, but he doesn’t want to stick around for longer than he has to.

“I just wanted to know why you did it. Why the prank?”

Seven half-raises his eyebrows, looking both tired and unimpressed by Hyun’s question. He’s got dark rings under his eyes, and he looks like he might’ve lost weight, thought it could just as well be Hyun’s imagination. It’s just that his t-shirt seems to almost fall off his shoulders, and his clothes just seem too big for him in general.

Is this what his job does to him? It’s strange, because Hyun knows Seven’s diet is nothing but unhealthy; he eats practically nothing but crisps and drinks Dr Pepper more than anyone else in the entire world. And yet he looks like this. It doesn’t make any sense, but Hyun knows Seven wouldn’t answer even if he asked.

“Because that’s what I do when I’m bored. I pull pranks on people. Ask Yoosung.”

Hyun holds back an impatient sigh. “I know that, but… why take it so far? Did you really want to fuck me over like that? What did I ever do to you?”

His annoyance ends up still coming out through his mouth, and Seven winces at his harsh words, which makes Hyun instantly regret everything he said and wish he could word things differently.

“You didn’t do anything. I just thought it would be fun, and didn’t know when to quit.”

Hyun opens his mouth to say something, but he quickly realises he has no idea _what_ to say. He can’t say he hasn’t been in a similar situation before, because he has. Maybe not necessarily because he pranked someone, but he still knows what it feels like to be way in over his head and having taken something too far.

It’s strange, because with how often Seven jokes around with the RFA members, Hyun knows he usually knows where to stop, where to say ‘okay, this was just a joke’. Everyone makes mistakes, sure, but it seems like Seven could’ve had many opportunities to just end things before it went too far, and maybe he just didn’t take them.

But before he has a chance to say anything, Seven continues talking. “Just forget this ever happened. I’m sorry I did that to you, it wasn’t my intention. I’ll be more careful with my jokes from now on. Now I’m going back to work.”

“But—“

“Just let it _go_ , Zen. Why are you so bothered by this? It doesn’t mean anything, anyway. It was a stupid joke.”

The door shuts as Seven retreats to his bedroom slash office, and Hyun’s once again left alone. He sighs, and turns around to leave. It was dumb to think that they would’ve made up and things would be fine—if anything, it feels like things just got a lot worse. He still doesn’t even know what he went here for, if it really was just to know why the hell Seven felt like pranking him like that. Hyun has a creeping suspicion that Seven isn’t telling him the truth, but he also suspects he might’ve had additional reasons for going over there in the first place, himself.

He knows that no matter what he does, Seven won’t let him in. If he tries coming back here, Seven won’t come out to talk to him—he probably won’t even respond no matter how many times Hyun calls from the outside, or knocks on the door. _Just let it go_. Seven says it as if it’s so easy to just let go of something that quickly became a big part of his life.

_Mary or Seven?_

It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters, because no matter how hard Hyun tries, it’s impossible to accomplish anything alone. It takes two to tango, and now he’s been dumped and is standing there alone on the dancefloor looking like an idiot. Maybe it’s about time to just call it quits, and go home.

So he gives up. Screw asking Jumin—he doesn’t need to do that anymore, now that he’s decided on doing what Seven wants. It stings a little, though, coming to that conclusion, and Hyun doesn’t quite understand why this would hurt when it’s probably what he’s wanted since he found out about Mary’s true identity.

Instead, Hyun once again immerses himself in work. Practices, works overtime, reads his script as a bedtime story, gets up early and goes out for his regular morning run. If he can’t even do _this_ right, there’s no meaning to anything. Acting is his life, what’s flowing through his veins, what makes his heart beat. Drowning his sorrows, anger and confusion in fictional romance scenes seems to be a good cure, because soon enough, Hyun reverts to his normal self.

He’s deleted ‘Mary’s’ number and pictures from his phone, and uninstalled the app where they met. It was a stupid idea, anyway, to try and find love on the internet. If he can’t even do it face-to-face, trying to find someone online is an even worse idea. Maybe he just isn’t meant for real-life love, maybe the fictional kind on stage is the closest he’ll ever get.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeyoung continues procrastinating and hiding, and then the RFA meet up for dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super huge thank you to those who have left comments on this story so far! It makes me glad to know people like reading this, and I hope you'll continue to like it. ❤

_Saeyoung_.

 

A common misconception by people around him is that they seem to think it’s easy for Saeyoung to dismiss people, to coldly brush them off like they don’t mean anything to him. They think he’s someone who easily turns off his emotions at will, and all of this is as far from the truth as one could get. For the most part it’s a good thing that this is how people see him, because it’s helped Saeyoung keep a distance from people so he wouldn’t get too close, and possibly end up hurting them in the end.

Zen is the first person Saeyoung’s ever been tempted to break the golden rule for. It’s so strange for him to feel like this now, after all this time of having exerted a lot of effort into making sure he never would. Somehow, he threw himself at Zen regardless of everything he’s been taught all these years, and it was all because of a dumb prank that went way too far.

Saeyoung’s been with the agency for almost eight years now, and he doesn’t actually need to hide his identity anymore, so in reality, Saeyoung could quit his job as a secret agent and do something completely different. It’s a thought that comes back every now and then, and with each time the temptation only gets stronger. At least Saeran’s living a normal life now, dating Yoosung and working a normal job that doesn’t endanger his life. All Saeyoung has to do is to take that first step, but the first step is the scariest.

The thing is, Saeyoung doesn’t know what else he’s good at. He’s spent the latter part of his teenage years up until early adulthood working as a hacker and secret agent, so he doesn’t know where else he could put his skills to use. He’s bad at cooking, so the restaurant business is out of question. On the other hand, he’s good with numbers and math in general, so there are a lot of jobs utilising those skills that he could try out.

He sneaks out of his bedroom in the dead of the night when he thinks Saeran’s asleep, and hastily makes himself two sandwiches in the kitchen before making a beeline back to his bedroom. Just as he closes his door, he hears a low thud right outside, and then he startles at the sound of Saeran’s voice.

“You can’t avoid me forever!”

Oh, so he _isn’t_ asleep. To be honest, Saeyoung doesn’t know whether Saeran’s been home the entire evening or not; his twin brother could’ve very well just come home, and Saeyoung wouldn’t have a clue. He tends to get very absorbed in his work, and having noise-cancelling headphones on definitely doesn’t help. Saeran’s joked about him probably missing out on an apocalypse that way, and Saeyoung honestly feels like it probably isn’t too far away from the truth.

“I can, and I will!” he yells back. He’s not really mad at his brother, he’s mostly mad at himself for getting himself into this situation, and it annoys him that his brother is smarter than him, probably having foreseen these consequences a long time ago.

 _He’s gonna find out, and when he does, you’re gonna be so screwed_.

Saeyoung laughs bitterly to himself. Of course Saeran had been right. He always is.

It surprises him when Saeran doesn’t chew him out the moment they actually meet, which is ironically the next day. Well, they _live_ together, so even if Saeyoung can avoid literally everyone else, he can’t avoid his brother forever. Instead of chewing him out, Saeran treats him normally. Mostly, at least. Saeyoung senses Saeran isn’t too happy with how things have turned out, but he can’t say he’s all that happy about it, either. It’s all on him, of course. It always is.

“You _can_ make it easier on yourself,” Saeran says. “Just tell him the truth.”

Saeyoung rolls his eyes. “Oh yeah, that _definitely_ won’t sound absolutely moronic and borderline creepy, not at all. ‘Hey, sorry for pulling a prank on you that I didn’t know would blow way out of proportion and get to a point where I’d hurt your feelings if I came clean, so I never did, and consequently, I ended up having feelings for you’. Might as well nominate me for the ‘nicest guy of the year’ award already.”

“Don’t have to, I’m sure you’d win it no questions asked.”

“Thanks,” Saeyoung says and grins sarcastically at his brother, who mirrors his expression. Brotherly love, was it?

But Saeyoung knows that’s the only decent thing he can do, after all the things he’s done. Either that or keep running away, which obviously isn’t the better option. Best case scenario, Zen at least mostly forgives him, they forget this all happened to begin with, and move on. And then Saeyoung can start working on piecing himself back together again, which isn’t going to be easy, but the sooner he gets this entire thing over with Zen, the better.

What happened to his old, simple pranks? The coffee joke he pulled on Yoosung a couple of years back might’ve been the highest point he could reach, and now he’s just spiralling downwards. They always say you should quit when you’re at your highest point, but Saeyoung obviously didn’t know what his highest point was, which is probably why he’s in this situation right now. If only he would’ve thought of something simpler such as trying to convince Zen that the Earth is flat, then things would’ve been a lot easier to resolve.

For someone who values honesty above everything else after what happened with V a few years back, Saeyoung sure is a hypocrite.

But what scares him is what would happen if he were to come clean, tell Zen the truth. Zen is the straightest person Saeyoung knows, and there’s no way he’d be able to be with someone like Saeyoung. Besides, whatever feelings Zen had, they weren’t mean for him, they were meant for Mary. Mary, who doesn’t exist and is basically just Saeyoung with a wig and a dress. It was obvious Zen would get a little suspicious; Saeyoung did a terrible job of creating a personality for Mary that didn’t resemble his own. Mary was literally just the wig and the dress, everything else was a giant flashing neon sign with ‘Saeyoung’ plastered all over it.

“He might not even take it as bad as you think he will,” Saeran says, and Saeyoung gives his brother a tired look.

“ _Might_. How would you react if you were catfished by someone who pretended to be someone completely different from themselves?”

“Is ‘Mary’ really all that different from you?”

Saeyoung sighs irritably. “ _Zen_ doesn’t know that.”

“So? Tell him that. That should make things a lot easier.”

It’s so easy for people standing on the outside looking in to say that it won’t be difficult, it’ll be ‘just this one thing and then you’re done’. But with Saeyoung’s luck, he knows just telling Zen the truth won’t be the end of it. At the same time, Saeyoung isn’t a kid anymore, as much as he may want to cling to his childishness, his jokes and more than just occasional immaturity. He knows he owes Zen the truth, and he’ll have to deal with this sooner or later.

… probably sooner rather than later.

 

* * *

 

Since he’s basically outed his ‘Mary’ alias to Zen, Saeyoung’s gotten himself a new wig that is basically the exact opposite of the red, long-haired one he has. Now he dons short, brown hair that barely reaches his shoulders, and a fringe that just barely covers his eyebrows. He’s also bothered getting coloured contacts for once—it was dangerous enough that Zen apparently was reminded of him whenever he’d looked at ‘Mary’.

“So what’s the reason for all this?”

“None in particular,” Saeyoung responds as cheerfully as he can. Vanderwood sighs, and rolls his eyes.

“It’s bad enough they made me deliver this shit to you. Just tell me, okay? We’re supposed to be partners, however dumb that sounds.”

“Oh, Vanderwood is curious,” Saeyoung teases. “I felt like I needed a little change, is all. I mean, I’m already a natural redhead, and that wig would eventually reveal me, anyway.”

Vanderwood shrugs. “You’ve used the same outfits and wigs for all of our undercover missions for the last three years, I doubt that would happen anytime soon. But whatever, you’ve always been the weird one.”

Saeyoung’s fellow agent leaves shortly after, probably not wanting to spend more time around the Choi house than he has to. Saeran’s at work, and Saeyoung’s currently taking a break. Well, he _has_ been for the past couple of hours, but to be fair, he’d been working for nearly eleven hours straight the day before.

With the new wig in his possession, Saeyoung gets himself dressed and heads out the door. He’s aware he’s being childish and that he’s avoiding conflicts like trying to navigate a laser maze, but right now, Saeyoung _definitely_ doesn’t wanna risk running into Zen when he’s just out to get groceries. If he were to go all the way with this thing he’s come up with, he’d move out of town as far away as he could, but he’s got far too many connections here that he can’t afford to lose. So much for keeping people away from him.

It’s nice to get out of the house, though. And knowing he _definitely_ doesn’t look like himself makes him feel a lot safer, too. One day he’ll have to face Zen for sure, but right now, he knows that if he _did_ run into Zen, he’d only make things a whole lot worse. As if he hasn’t already made things worse by forcing Zen further away from him… it probably _is_ about time Saeyoung considers getting out of his job with the agency, considering how much their policies still affect him despite them not _needing_ to.

Saeyoung’s trip to the grocery store is relatively uneventful and mundane, but it’s better that way. As long as he doesn’t run into anyone he knows, he’s fine. There are certainly days when he doesn’t need to be in disguise, but today is not one of those days. Saeyoung has a feeling he’ll probably want to disguise himself more often now that he’s managed to screw things up with Zen, but that means he’ll continue to run away from his problems that he really should confront and solve sooner rather than later.

 **[Yoosung** **★: i’m coming over in 5. make sure ur stupid gate isn’t activated like last time & i had 2 wait outside 4 like an hour.]**

 

Saeyoung snickers at his phone. He _has_ made sure his front gate’s security system is off for half an hour, which means Yoosung has plenty enough time to get there. It’s still a little weird to hang out with Yoosung and Saeran both at the same time, but at least they’ve got the decency to not be gross when Saeyoung’s around. It’s a rare occasion where all three of them are off work for a holiday, so they’re going to spend the day like they normally would when they’ve got time over—playing video games.

These days, Yoosung isn’t as into LOLOL as he used to be, but it’s probably for the best, not only for him, but his relationship with Saeran, too, Saeyoung thinks. He remembers the days of Yoosung’s college years when he’d skipped classes just to stay home and play that stupid game, and he’d been so addicted Saeyoung would’ve never in a million years thought Yoosung would start dating anyone… let alone his brother. Even the things you think are impossible can happen, apparently.

“I’m surprised your security system wasn’t actually on,” Yoosung says as he walks in. Saeyoung snorts.

“Well, you told me to turn it off, so I did.”

“Yeah, I know, I just didn’t expect you to listen.”

“Maybe I’ve become more mature over the years?” Saeyoung says innocently, and Yoosung laughs sarcastically.

“Oh yeah, definitely.”

As the three sit down, there’s no space left on the living room table with all of their snacks laid out all over it. It’s in the middle of the week, but that doesn’t stop them from treating the day like it’s a regular weekend, and maybe they’ve deserved it. Saeyoung knows Yoosung’s been particularly busy at the clinic for a while now, with a lot of injured and sick animals scheduled for check-ups, surgeries and other procedures.

“Man,” Yoosung says, laughing. “Maybe we overdid it.”

“Saeyoung probably disagrees.”

“I do!” Saeyoung says, ever so slightly insulted by Yoosung’s insinuation. “This is a perfectly reasonable amount of snacks and soda. We’re three people, after all.”

Their first free-for-all match ends up with Saeran in last place, and then Yoosung and Saeyoung fight for first place for so long that they have to face off in a sudden-death match. But Saeyoung ends up winning, as he’d expected, and it’s a good start to his afternoon and eventually evening.

“You know, I kinda miss hanging out with everyone else in the RFA. We should do a get-together soon.”

Saeran hums. “Sounds like a good idea. Have you talked to any of them recently?”

Oh. _Oh_. Saeyoung eyes his brother from the side, who doesn’t meet his gaze. He knows what his brother is doing, and he doesn’t like it. Yoosung doesn’t have to know this, and Saeran doesn’t have the right to decide whether or not he’s in the know of Saeyoung’s ‘situation’.

“Yeah, I talk to Zen a lot, but Jumin and Jaehee are as busy as ever—you know how they are. Anyway, Zen agrees that we should all get together and do something soon, like a dinner, maybe.”

Saeyoung’s heart skips a beat. Zen _wants_ them to get together? He’d completely expected the opposite, that Zen would be opposed to the idea or say he can’t do anything anytime soon because his schedule’s packed. Maybe it’s because it won’t just be Saeyoung and Zen there; everyone else will be gathered as well, making it easier for the two to meet. Well, that might be true in Zen’s case, but Saeyoung isn’t so sure.

“Oh, Zen did?”

 _Shut up, Saeran_ , Saeyoung thinks threateningly, desperately hoping that some kind of twin telepathy will send his message across to his brother. But of course, it doesn’t.

“Yeah. Have any of you talked to the others recently, by the way? I’d feel sad if we all just lose contact because our schedules clash so often.”

“I last talked to Zen, too, when he came over not too long ago,” Saeran says. “How about you, Saeyoung?”

Saeyoung tries hard not to glare at his brother when he faces Yoosung, and he shrugs. “Same here, when he came over. I bug Jumin every once in a while, and I try to do the same with Jaehee, but she always ignores me.”

Yoosung raises an eyebrow, unimpressed, and he scoffs. “Yeah, well, that might be because you tease her so often. You should be glad I’m not giving you the same treatment. Anyway, I’ll let Zen know, and then we can try and get a hold of Jaehee and Jumin after that to try and sort something out.”

 _Maybe this is a bad idea_ , Saeyoung thinks. Worst case scenario, everyone ends up finding out by the end of it, and if they do, Saeyoung already knows whose side they’ll be on. Rightfully so, of course, because Saeyoung hasn’t been in the right even once during this entire thing, but he doesn’t need to have even more people against him than he already does.

 

* * *

 

He doesn’t want to admit that he’s made a habit out of using this new disguise of his, but he definitely has. Saeran knows about it, and he rolls his eyes whenever he sees Saeyoung put the wig on, but he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t really _have_ to say anything, because Saeyoung already knows what his brother’s thinking. And it probably isn’t too far off from what Saeyoung’s thinking about it, either.

An older lady who lives close to the train station has taken quite a liking to Saeyoung’s new disguise; they talk for quite some time whenever they meet, and occasion, the old lady gives Saeyoung some of the vegetables she grows in her back garden. Saeran says it should be illegal to receive them since the old lady technically isn’t giving them to _Saeyoung_ , but Saeyoung just shrugs it off and says it’s probably a grey area. Why _shouldn’t_ it be okay? It isn’t as if he’s scamming her, or pressuring her into giving him the vegetables to begin with.

The dreaded get-together with the RFA now has a date, and said date is getting closer and closer. Saeyoung has, of course, still not talked to Zen, and while he knows he probably should do so before they all meet, he’s still putting it off. If fear hadn’t been an element in this, Saeyoung probably would’ve talked to Zen the very first time Zen came over to talk, or even earlier than that. But now that he’s scared of losing the friendship he has with Zen, he keeps his mouth shut.

He often considers calling Zen, or at least sending him a text message, but he doesn’t know what he’d say. A simple sorry would never suffice; he’s already tried it, and the guilt from said attempt is still making it difficult for him to sleep. He’s already explained himself, so there’s probably no need for repetition unless he wants to be an annoyance. What can he do _besides_ telling Zen how he feels?

**DRAFT: [we should talk]**

**DRAFT: [if i knew this would happen i wouldn’t have pranked you]**

**DRAFT: [i ended up falling really hard for you and i]**

Saeyoung chucks his phone at the wall with a frustrated sigh, and then flinches as he hears the loud thud, followed by his phone’s pieces scattering across the floor following the impact. He doesn’t get up to retrieve and reassemble the pieces, and instead shoves his head in under his pillow to try and get some sleep. Thankfully, Saeran either didn’t hear him throw a fit just now, or he’s decided not to bother getting out of bed for it.

Saeyoung doesn’t send any of his drafted messages, nor does he make an attempt at contacting Zen before they’re all going out for dinner together one Saturday evening. To say that Saeyoung’s panicking and wanting to stay home is a vast understatement, but his brother definitely won’t let him get away.

“I don’t feel well,” Saeyoung says, even though he already knows how futile it is to even try. “I’m serious, I think I might be coming down with a cold.”

“Had you told me this any other day, I would’ve believed you. Now let’s go.”

Saeran gets into the driver’s seat of one of their cars, and not-so-patiently waits for Saeyoung to get in. He’s put himself in this situation and he’ll have to face the consequences of his actions… and _in_ actions. So Saeyoung has no choice but to sit obediently in the car and await hell once they get out, and he meets Zen again for the first time in what feels like forever.

Well, at least they won’t be alone.

Jumin’s early thanks to his very punctual driver, closely followed by Jaehee, and they are the ones who greet the Choi twins upon their arrival. The four stand outside the restaurant and wait for the remaining two, and they engage in light conversation while waiting. It just doesn’t quite help to keep Saeyoung distracted, as he keeps tapping his foot against the pavement, and looking around him. This is the worst thing he’s ever agreed to do in a long time, and he wouldn’t have said so a month earlier.

“Saeyoung, are you okay?”

He jerks back to reality at the sound of Jaehee’s voice, and forces a grin. “Oh yeah, I’m great. Finally off work for the week, how can I not be okay?”

Jaehee hums, raising an eyebrow slightly. She’s always been scarily perceptive, and while she might not be able to pinpoint the reason for Saeyoung’s anxiety, she definitely knows something’s up; Saeyoung can tell that much.

“I see.”

“How was your week?” Saeran asks Jaehee, who smiles appreciatingly his way.

“It was okay, just like any other week, really. I hope yours was a good one, too, Saeran.”

“You must be exhausted from having Jumin boss you around so much,” Saeyoung says teasingly. Jumin shoots Saeyoung an insulted look, and he snorts.

“I don’t boss her around. Besides, assistant Kang gets paid for what she does.”

 _Still no sight of Zen. Maybe he bailed… at least he’s able to_.

Saeyoung keeps glancing around him for any sign of Zen, completely missing Yoosung who appears from around the corner, greeting them happily.

“Glad you could make it,” Jumin says. “I hope you’re doing well.”

Yoosung laughs a little before he walks up to his boyfriend, who greets him with a hug and a kiss atop the head. “Jumin, you’re never gonna stop being so formal, are you? We’re like family, you know.”

“Does that include you and me?” Saeran asks, making Jaehee and Jumin both laugh, while Yoosung gasps in horror.

All the while his friends and his brother are talking, Saeyoung can’t concentrate on the conversation. His heart’s beating so hard and loudly that it’s thrumming in his ears, drowning out most sounds. Maybe Zen isn’t coming, after all? No, he would’ve notified someone beforehand if he wouldn’t be coming, and Saeyoung would’ve known by now if Zen wasn’t going to join them.

“Saeyoung, hello? I thought you if anyone would’ve had something to say now.”

He blinks a few times in confusion, and then looks at Yoosung. “Huh?”

“Never mind, the moment’s long gone now. What’s up with you, anyway?”

“Nothing, nothing!” he says. “I guess even the best miss out on—”

“Hey, sorry I’m late.”

Saeyoung’s breath hitches in his throat as he hears Zen’s voice behind him, but he doesn’t dare turn around. Yoosung happily steps forward to greet his friend, and one by one the rest follow suit with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Of course, Saeyoung’s last in line as Zen’s finally within his line of vision. When Zen looks at him, he feels like throwing up.

“Hey,” he offers lamely. “Been a while.”

Zen barely regards him as he responds. “Yeah.”

“Alright, can we go in now? I’m super hungry,” Yoosung complains, thankfully and quickly breaking up the weird mood that’s about to settle in the air between them.

“Don’t sound like it’s our fault, Zen’s the one who was late.”

Zen glares at Jumin. “Well, _sor-ry_. We can’t all have our personal chauffeurs, some of us have to take buses and trains.”

“Ah, right. Commoners,” Jumin laughs teasingly before Zen sighs exasperatedly.

As expected from Jumin who choose the restaurant to begin with, it’s a high-end, very luxurious place where the prices are so high Saeyoung feels like selling a kidney might not even be enough to afford his main course. It’s a good thing his profession pays well, but none of that matters tonight when Jumin’s paying. None of it might matter regardless, because Saeyoung doesn’t have much of an appetite to begin with.

He sneaks glances Zen’s way as they’re deciding what to order. Zen’s sitting next to Yoosung at the opposite side of the table, listening to Yoosung talk about something Zen doesn’t seem all too enthusiastic about. Saeyoung tries to direct his attention back to the menu, but no matter how many times he peruses it, he can’t seem to find anything he’d want to eat. In the end, just as the waitress comes up to their table to take their orders, he decides on just a starter.

“Are you sure, sir?” she asks as he’s told her what he wants, making it a whole lot worse than it has to be, while also prompting everyone around him to look his way.

“Yes, absolutely.”

“I bet you ruined your appetite with HBC again,” Yoosung says, clicking his tongue in disapproval. Saeyoung thanks the gods above for the excuse he’s just been given.

“I might have,” he says, and attempts an innocent laugh. “You know how I am, I just can’t help it.”

Choosing a lighter meal for himself was a good idea, even though it still isn’t easy for Saeyoung to eat. At least he has _less_ on his plate than the other, and that’s a good thing when he’s eating slowly to begin with. He feels like he’s swallowing sand, and he doesn’t taste much of the actual dish, which is sad, considering how expensive the food is at this restaurant.

For the most part, Saeyoung just sits there and listens to the others talk. At some point, Yoosung talks to him about LOLOL, which serves as a pretty good distraction from everything else, but otherwise, Saeyoung mostly sits to himself. There’s a terrible ache in his stomach that settled in as soon as he saw Zen, and it’s only getting worse as the evening goes on and he has to sit right across the table from Zen.

Finally, as they’ve all finished eating and the others are wondering whether or not to order dessert, it all becomes too much for him, and Saeyoung decides to excuse himself to go to the restroom or a bit. Or at least that’s what he tells them, but he instead chooses to go outside, and get some fresh air. He didn’t bring his jacket, but it doesn’t matter. Focusing on him being cold is probably a lot better than him constantly thinking about Zen, anyway.

Saeyoung wonders when he last felt like this for someone, and comes to the conclusion that he doesn’t know. It’s strange how fast it hit him, that it didn’t build up over a longer period of time. And maybe that’s why it hurts so much, too, because he’s yet to get used to the pain of being in love with someone who won’t ever love him back. It isn’t even that he’s _hoping_ something will happen, but he can’t seem to shake these feelings off no matter what he does.

“So this is where you went.”

He jumps when Jaehee suddenly appears next to him, and then sighs. “Jesus, Jaehee.”

“Not bothering to put up a front?”

He doesn’t want to say it, but Saeyoung’s getting really tired of always pretending to be someone he isn’t, pretend like he doesn’t feel a thing when sometimes he wonders if maybe he feels too much. Instead of responding to a question that he doesn’t think needs an answer, he instead chooses silence. Jaehee shrugs, and then she joins in on the silence, as well.

Other than the fact that it’s pretty cold outside, especially when he isn’t wearing the jacket he brought, it’s a very beautiful evening. They live in a part of town that doesn’t suffer from too much light pollution, so tonight when the sky is clear, they can see the stars. It’s something Saeyoung’s always loved since he was a child, to just gaze up at the stars above. His brother is very similar in that regard, except for him it’s the light blue sky during day he likes gazing up at.

“Did you mean to mislead him like that?”

Saeyoung exhales slowly, and then he lets out a bitter laugh. “I’m not even surprised you know. Did he tell you?”

“He didn’t have to; I figured it out myself that something was wrong.”

Well, of course she did. Jaehee’s incredibly smart, and while there are some things she might not understand, this isn’t on that list. And maybe that’s because she spends most of what little free time she has with Zen, who is honest, open about his feelings and doesn’t mind talking about those things.

“I didn’t mean for it to get this out of hand,” Saeyoung says. “And now I’m scared.”

“Of?”

“Telling him the truth.”

Jaehee ponders his words for a few seconds. If Saeyoung were her, he wouldn’t know what to say, either. What do you say to someone who’s screwed up so bad they’re quickly running out of multiple options to save himself from as much pain as possible?

“It might not make you feel better, but I can tell you Zen isn’t feeling all that great, either.”

Saeyoung snorts. “Well, he’s in love with a woman who doesn’t exist, who _would_ be happy?”

“I don’t think you understand. He didn’t fall in love with ‘Mary’ because of her looks or because she… was a woman.”

“Then what?”

“ _Personality_ , Saeyoung. You seem to think of Zen as a shallow person, no? He’s a very serious person who doesn’t just jump into anything without thinking about things carefully first.”

He swallows hard. “Who’s to say I didn’t completely make up Mary’s personality?”

“I think there was a reason he recognised you in her, and not just once,” Jaehee says, and something about her words sends a chill down Saeyoung’s spine. She briefly puts her hand on his arm before she goes back inside, but Saeyoung doesn’t follow her. He stands outside for a few more seconds as he lets himself recover from the slight shock of Jaehee’s words, and then he decides on walking back home.

On his way, he texts both Yoosung and Saeran to take his jacket when they leave the restaurant, and then he sends another text to Jumin.

**[707: sorry i left so suddenly, don’t feel too well & am walking back home. thanks for dinner, and promise to talk again soon!]**

He ends up going straight to bed as he comes back to the house, but not before he turns off his phone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unlike a certain someone, Hyun chooses fight over flight.

_Hyun_.

 

He’d considered faking an illness, lying about having to work or just straight up bailing on the RFA dinner, but in the very last second, Hyun decided on going. Which would turn out to be a bad idea, considering Seven would be there, too. Of course he would. When Hyun sees Seven there as he’s the last one to arrive, he doesn’t know whether to be pissed off, nervous or maybe even relieved. Seven hasn’t been easy to get a hold of, and now getting to see him in person with everyone else, maybe Hyun _should_ be relieved?

Yet when Seven greets him, what ends up coming out is annoyance. Luckily, Yoosung interrupts before Hyun has a chance of ruining things, but that doesn’t stop Hyun from constantly thinking about Seven’s facial expression right then, during the entire dinner. He wonders what it meant, because there’s no way it was fake, unlike everything else has been ever since Hyun met ‘Mary’. Hyun’s good at reading facial expressions and body language, and if there was something about Seven that wasn’t fake, it was the expression he made whenever Hyun greeted him so coldly.

_I might just be imagining things_.

But then he remembers what Saeran told him, about how the only things about Mary that were fake were the wig and the name. If that’s true, it basically means Zen’s been dating Seven in a wig this entire time. Hugged him, kissed his cheek, dreamt about him at night—

No, Hyun _did_ dream about Seven as himself for a brief moment. Another mystery he doesn’t know the solution to.

Despite this, Hyun’s already tried everything he could, and no matter what he did, Seven would keep pushing him away. So what was that face for, in that case? ‘Sorry I keep pushing you away but it’s for the best’? For whom? None of it makes sense, and Hyun hates that he’s overthinking it when he’d already promised himself to let this go and move on. And now here he is, back where he was not too long ago. Self-discipline? Hyun doesn’t think he knows what that is.

At some point, Seven disappears from the table, and not too long after, so does Jaehee. Hyun tries to not think about it, because it could just be something as trivial as a bathroom visit, but it concerns him more when Seven has yet to come back even long after Jaehee has. He couldn’t have left, could he? His jacket is still there, so he probably didn’t leave. But if so, where’d he go that would take him _this_ long?

When they’re all getting ready to leave, Seven still hasn’t returned. Hyun’s confusion grows when he sees Saeran take his brother’s jacket off the chair and stuff it in under his arm. Did Seven contact him and tell him to bring it to him? Where _is_ Seven?

As the RFA walk out of the restaurant and prepare to say their goodbyes for the evening, Hyun approaches Saeran.

“Where’d Seven go?”

Saeran eyes the jacket he’s holding, and then he shrugs. “Home.”

“Why? Did something happen?”

Before he answers, Saeran leans closer, and he lowers his voice. “Probably shouldn’t say that when everyone else can hear. You can figure it out yourself.”

“What, because of _me_?”

Saeran rolls his eyes. “Are you insulted?”

“No, that’s not it! I just—”

“Hyun. I’m tired of being the middle-man here, please ask him yourself.”

Hyun frowns. “But I’ve tried so many times, and he never—”

“Then either keep trying or give up, I don’t know. This isn’t my problem.”

He’s about to say something else, but then he gives up. Saeran’s right, it isn’t his problem, and it shouldn’t be. He’s already been involved way more than he ever needed to be, and he’s also probably right. Hyun has a choice, either he continues trying to get in touch with Seven, or he gives up. He hasn’t tried contacting Seven at all since he’d gone over to try and talk to Seven at his house, and that was two weeks ago.

The thing is, the ball isn’t on his side of the playing field, and it hasn’t been since that one time he visited Seven. A few hours ago, Hyun had still been hell-bent on giving up on trying to get through to Seven, but now he wants to continue trying until he succeeds. What kind of a man would he be if he were to give up on something when he really wants it?

_What_ does he want, exactly? To talk? And then what? What would he do if Seven finally let him in, and they talked things out? He realises he hasn’t thought that far ahead because it’s seemed unrealistic up until now, and still does to some extent. Just in case, he tells himself. Just in case he gets further than he has before, he needs to have a plan as for what to do next. Just as much as Hyun deserves answers, so does Seven once they’re done talking things out. Why has Hyun been so adamant about wanting to talk things out when he could’ve just let things go instead?

“Did the trust fund jerk hit his head or something? This has rarely ever happened before.”

Jaehee raises her eyebrows in a sarcastic motion as she takes a sip from her glass of water. “He just seems to be having a good day, so I’m taking advantage of it.”

Hyun laughs. “I really like the new you.”

He recalls a time when there had been an almost visible and very much impenetrable wall between him and Jaehee, as she refused to get close to him as his fan. It also had a lot to do with her having to be professional at work as Jumin’s chief assistant, but over the years, Jumin’s loosened his airtight rules a bit, and Jaehee changed as a result. It gives Hyun some kind of strange hope; if those two can change, then maybe anything’s possible.

For the most part when Hyun and Jaehee meet, it’s over a coffee on a weekend day, but it’s now lunchtime on a Wednesday, and they’re having lunch together. Both of them usually eat at work, bringing their own food or buying something from a nearby minimart (or in Jaehee’s case, from the cafeteria one floor down—Hyun is _very_ jealous of her), but the stars aligned today and allowed them to meet out in town for lunch at a restaurant.

“Zen.”

Hyun only now realises he’s probably been staring creepily at Jaehee for god knows _how_ long, and he clears his throat. “Yes.”

“If you want to ask, then ask.”

He hesitates a little before speaking again, fidgeting with his napkin. “I just… well, on Saturday, did you meet Seven when you'd both left the table?”

Jaehee finishes the little food that's left on her plate, and puts her chopsticks down. “I did. He went outside to get some fresh air, so I took the opportunity to go out and talk to him a little.”

It’s strange to think of Jaehee and Seven talking without Seven teasing her or anything, which Hyun is absolutely sure didn’t happen this time. They’ve never really been that close; Jaehee’s even closer to Saeran now than she is to his older twin, and she hasn’t known him nearly half as long as she’s known Seven.

“What’d you talk about?”

“Curious, aren’t we?”

Hyun frowns, and averts his gaze. “It’s just weird, that’s all. _He’s_ being weird, and this is Seven we’re talking about.”

“Well, I can’t say I blame him. I guess… I can tell you I whacked a little sense into his head. Gently.”

“’Gently’?” Hyun repeats with both misbelief and a hint of humour in his voice. Yep, he definitely likes this Jaehee.

Jaehee shrugs, but she smiles a little. “I have a feeling he might not be as difficult to track down now. He… seems to have done a lot of thinking.”

Hyun remembers the Seven he’d seen at the Choi house two weeks earlier, who had dark circles under his eyes and definitely had lost weight. It wasn’t easy to tell when they’d been out to dinner since Seven was wearing more than just a t-shirt then, but Hyun also guesses that might’ve been on purpose. Seven’s never liked having people worry about him, after all.

It just feels weird for Hyun to think that this was all because of him. Was it, or is he just having a bad case of hubris? It certainly wouldn’t be the first time, in that case, but it would be bad since Hyun just really wants to know what’s going on and what he can do about it. He likes to think he understands people pretty well, but of course he’s bound to be wrong in his assumptions every once in a while.

“Oh. Okay,” he says, not really knowing _what_ to say to Jaehee. A knot forms in his stomach as he thinks about what Seven’s looked like the few times they’ve met since all of this was revealed. The expressions Seven has shown him has not been those of a man who doesn’t deeply regret his actions. And honestly, Hyun probably can’t blame him, either—Seven’s always been a guy who loved to joke around and play tricks on people, so maybe one prank backfiring was bound to happen eventually.

He just wishes it hadn’t been at the expense of his feelings.

 

* * *

 

On his way home from work that evening, Hyun stops by the supermarket to pick up some groceries. Normally he’d wear sunglasses to avoid having fans walk up to him on the street, but today he doesn’t bother with them, hoping he’ll be lucky. It isn’t so bad that he definitely _can’t_ go outside without wearing something to obscure his identity, but there have been a few bad cases when a whole group of girls has surrounded him. His agent keeps telling him to move, but this is Hyun’s home. He can’t just up and leave so easily since he still has a lot of connections to this town. And of course, he doesn’t _want_ to move away from his hometown.

As to be expected around six in the evening, there’s a lot of people going grocery shopping at the same time as he is. He tries to make as quick work of his shopping as he can, and doesn’t really pay attention to people around him. As a result, Hyun doesn’t notice a woman walking towards him until she actually bumps into him.

“Oh, sorry,” he says. The woman looks up at him, and her eyes widen for less than half a second before she reverts to her previous expression. Hyun has enough time to notice the pretty, green colour of her eyes before she looks down at her feet again. She looks sad, and maybe Hyun just caught a stranger having a bad day.

“’s okay,” she mumbles. “I’m the one who’s sorry.”

Before he has a chance to say anything else, the woman quickly walks away, and he blinks in confusion as he tries to get a grip of what just happened. Then he just shrugs, and continues walking towards the cash registers.

As he exits the supermarket, he sees a familiar figure standing outside with his hands down his pockets.

“Hey, Saeran,” he says. “What’re you doing standing out here?”

Saeran turns to face him, and an odd expression Hyun can’t identify briefly colours his face. “I’m waiting for someone inside. Grocery shopping?”

“Yeah, just on my way back home from work. Listen, I’m sorry about the other day. You were right, it’s on me to do something about this, and not you. I’m sorry you got more involved than you needed to be.”

“I guess it was bound to happen, since I’m his brother and we live together,” Saeran shrugs. “So have you decided on what to do? Fight or flight?”

Hyun doesn’t particularly like that wording, since he wouldn’t necessarily be fleeing if he chose to _not_ fight. If Hyun doesn’t know just how things would proceed should Seven actually let him in, then it’s unfair to Seven that Hyun’s been chasing him down only to back out in the last second. Hyun knows Seven didn’t mean to hurt him like this, and Hyun wouldn’t dream of intentionally playing with Seven’s feelings.

“Fight, of course,” he says. “I… don’t really know what _for_ just yet, but I know I don’t want to just let it go. It doesn’t seem right.”

Saeran regards him for a few seconds, and then he sighs. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

“I—“

The thing is, Hyun doesn’t know what he wanted to say, how he wanted to respond to Saeran’s very direct and bold question. Or is it a statement? Hyun’s gone back and forth so many times these past few weeks he barely even knows what _day_ it is. It slowly dawns upon him that Saeran might be correct. Hyun’s brushed the thought off whenever he’s considered it before, because he’s never been in love with a man before, and he’s always assumed he never would be.

But it looks like he might be, after all.

_Oh god. I’m in love with Seven._

_I’ve been in love with him for a while now._

_It was just a wig and a fake name._

_It was him all along._

“Yeah,” he says slowly. “Shit… I am.”

Saeran huffs a light laugh. “Well, I knew as much. So talk to him. And if he doesn’t let you in the first time, keep trying. That’s all I’m gonna help you with.”

It feels like a boulder has been lifted off Hyun’s chest, and he can now get up and move again, breathe again. His battle isn’t over yet; he still has to talk to Seven and sort things out, which might be tougher to accomplish than he expects it to be. Even so, he feels like he’s definitely made an improvement, at least with himself, in this mess.

“That’s fine,” he smiles. “Thanks, Saeran. I really—”

“Oh, uh,” Saeran interrupts, as he looks behind Hyun towards the supermarket. “How long have you been standing there?”

Hyun turns around, and he sees the woman who bumped into him earlier. She stares at Hyun with an almost horrified expression, mixed with the sadness he’d seen before, but her mouth is a straight line, as she clutches the hem of her dress so hard her knuckles are going white.

“You know her?” Hyun asks. “Sorry, I don’t wanna keep you—”

But then the woman drops her grocery bag, and darts off in the opposite direction. It’s a very confusing set of events, and it only gets worse when Saeran calls out.

“Wait, Saeyoung!”

_Saeyoung?_ ”

Images of Mary flash by in Zen’s mind, but this woman doesn’t look anything like Mary, or Seven, for that matter. Did he mishear? Did the woman simply have a name similar to ‘Saeyoung’, and Hyun just heard a name he actually knows?

His feet move before he has time to think about it any further, and Hyun takes off after the woman (Saeyoung?) who ran off across the parking lot and into the shopping district. That in and of itself is going to make it difficult to track her— _him_?—down, especially since she doesn’t stand out all that much and blends in well with the crowd.

Hyun’s thoughts race through his mind faster than the speed of light as he continues chasing down ‘Saeyoung’. If it really _is_ him, why is he dressed like that? He obviously isn’t on a mission, or he wouldn’t be with his brother. Hyun doesn’t know all that much about what Seven, or Saeyoung, does for a living, but no one else really does, either, besides Saeran. Jumin might know more than Hyun does, but he sure as hell isn’t going to ask _him_.

“Sev—Saeyoung!” he yells. He tries his best to keep his eyes on the short-haired brunet (assuming it _is_ Saeyoung) in a light red dress running through the shopping district, but sometimes he briefly disappears behind other people, and Hyun has to find him again. He has no idea where Saeyoung’s headed, but it isn’t home, that’s for sure.

It’s a good thing Hyun regularly works out, because it’s given him decent stamina, which is incredibly helpful right now. Unfortunately, he knows Saeyoung’s well-trained in that area, too, working as a secret agent, so it doesn’t necessarily give him the upper hand. Out of all the people in the RFA he could’ve fell for, Saeyoung is probably the worst in this regard, since he’s the one who could stand to be chased around for a while. Probably both literally and figuratively.

Once they’re out of the shopping district and getting out towards the near-empty sidewalk, Saeyoung finally slows down, and eventually stops. All this time, Hyun’s been running around like an idiot with his grocery bag, and it’s a really good thing he didn’t need to buy eggs.

“Jesus,” he says, almost out of breath. “Thought you’d never stop running.”

“Why?” Saeyoung asks, and Hyun finally hears his real voice, and not the fake one Saeyoung had used when they bumped into each other in the supermarket. “Why did you… why did you say that?”

“Say what?” Hyun asks.

“You said you’re in love with me. But that’s not true.”

Hyun raises his eyebrows, both shocked and maybe a little insulted at the insinuation that’s actually not true, for once. “How do you know that?”

“Because you’re in love with _Mary_! Not me!”

“Saeyoung, I know. I know you didn’t fake your personality when you were pretending to be Mary. Why else do you think I recognised you in her? Why else would I _dream_ of you in the same dream where I dreamt of her?”

He blurts it out before he really has a chance to think about it, and for a few seconds, Hyun’s a little embarrassed to admit that he did indeed dream of Saeyoung. Of course, it wasn’t a particularly embarrassing dream, but Saeyoung doesn’t know that.

“I don’t know, but you’re mistaken. Don’t say things you don’t mean.”

“You’re one to talk.”

Saeyoung recoils, and he averts his gaze. It’s still a little strange to talk to Saeyoung when he still doesn’t look like himself in the dress, wig, and with the contacts that don’t show the original golden colour of his eyes. But it’s definitely him, not only because Hyun can hear it in the voice, but Saeyoung’s actions and body language are definitely _his_.

For him to notice things like these, there’s really no way for Hyun to deny having feelings for Saeyoung anymore, no matter how hard he might want to try.

“So what? What do you want?”

“I wanted to talk to you. Sort things out. And I…”

Hyun dares close the distance between them, albeit tentatively and with slow, small steps. But he’s relieved to find that Saeyoung doesn’t attempt to move away, and that he stays still as Hyun walks closer. He stops right in front of Saeyoung, and very slowly lifts a hand up to remove the wig on Saeyoung’s head. Sure enough, after a tiny bit of effort, Hyun reveals Saeyoung’s red hair beneath, and now he almost looks like himself again, except for the eyes.

“I wanted to tell you directly,” he says. His heart’s beating faster now, and he swallows hard, taking a deep breath through his nose to try and calm down. “I’m in love with you, Saeyoung.”

Saeyoung narrows his eyes, and Hyun can almost touch the hostility radiating from Saeyoung right now. “No, Zen, you're not. You're in love with Mary, and not me. I'm not her.”

Hyun knows he should've expected resistance from Saeyoung when he finally confessed; of course it wouldn't be easy. Saeyoung's probably still very much a metaphorical hedgehog with his sharp spines out to protect both himself and others from harm, so Hyun knows he needs to proceed with caution. Does Saeyoung  _need_  to distance himself like this, still? Hyun has no idea. But he won't know unless he tries to get close enough to find out.

“I know it was all just a mask. It was you all along. And I… fell for you. I fell for Seven—no,  _Saeyoung_ , in a wig and a dress. And while it did make you pretty, I like you better for who you really are.”

Saeyoung opens his mouth to say something, closes it again, and he frowns as he lets out a frustrated sound. But then his expression softens a little, and he sighs. “Had you said this a year ago, I would’ve told you to get rid of your feelings for me since you wouldn’t be safe with me.”

“I know.”

“And I still want to say that, but I’d be lying if I did. Things are… different now. And I’m tired of lying.”

Hyun smiles a little, and places a hand on Saeyoung’s cheek. “How about jokes and pranks?”

“I didn’t mean to—”

“Relax,” Hyun laughs. “It’s fine. I _was_ pissed at one point, but now I can’t help but laugh at it. I think you made me realise just how easily I get infatuated with people.”

Saeyoung snorts. “So much for that confession then.”

“Isn’t infatuation different from actual romantic feelings, though?”

Hyun isn’t really a romance expert since he has very limited experience with relationships, but this is one thing he’s sure he’s right about. And from what little he knows, Saeyoung’s probably in the same boat. Infatuation is instant, romantic feelings take time to develop. And apparently, Hyun's romantic feelings for Saeyoung have been there for longer than even he knew.

“I… fine. Yeah.”

When Saeyoung leans into his touch, Hyun’s heart skips a beat. He runs his thumb along Saeyoung’s cheekbone, and the urge to kiss him briefly crosses Hyun’s mind. He resists it, though, because he knows he’s definitely not in the clear yet. Saeyoung still has many reasons to run away again, and that’s the last thing Hyun wants, now that he finally managed to get a hold of Saeyoung again.

“So,” Hyun begins a little nervously, “can we start over? I want to do things right this time, if you’ll let me.”

Why did things have to be this difficult? Hyun almost wants to say this detour was unnecessary, but upon further thought, maybe it wasn’t. He knows _he_ at least had a lot of thinking to do, not to mention soul-searching and thorough re-evaluating of himself. And he guesses Saeyoung did some thinking, too, or they probably wouldn’t be where they are right now. So maybe, in a very convoluted way, Hyun’s grateful for everything that’s happened that eventually led them here.

“Okay,” Saeyoung says. “I… I’d like that. And I wanna do things right now, too.”

Some light has returned to his eyes, and Hyun can’t help but think he finds Saeyoung beautiful. Even if he’s still wearing contacts and clothes he normally wouldn’t wear, he’s still beautiful.

“Can I take you out on a date?”

It feels a little silly to ask, like they’re back in high school, but since they _are_ starting over, maybe this would be normal. Hyun doesn’t want to rush things, and they certainly don’t _need_ to. He feels like he could take things very slow now that he knows he at least has a chance.

“And buy me food? Of course you can,” Saeyoung replies, and he smiles. Hyun laughs, and puts his forehead against Saeyoung’s.

“Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [throws confetti] we have arrived at 7zen station


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A not-so-traditional date ensues, as Hyun and Saeyoung are still getting to know each other anew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating has gone up as of this chapter. Ta-da!

_Saeyoung_.

 

**[Saeran: thanks for dropping the bag on the ground & just running off, asshat.]**

Saeyoung snorts and smiles at his phone.

“What’s so funny?”

He looks to his side. Hyun’s looking his way, squeezing his hand a little. Saeyoung’s smile widens.

“My brother. Guess I’m walking all the way back home now.”

“I can walk you back. If you’d let me.”

He hasn’t really seen much of it so close, but Saeyoung’s always heard that Hyun’s a gentleman and a romantic. Now he’s getting to actually experience it first-hand, and it’s… strange. A tiny voice in the back of his mind is telling him to run and save Hyun the possibility of ending up in danger or getting hurt because of him, but Saeyoung’s still trying to tell himself that things are very different from the way things used to be when the RFA was still an active organisation, and while Mint Eye was still around.

“Okay,” he says, and Hyun smiles. He smiles, and Saeyoung feels like he might be dreaming all this. If it _is_ a dream, it’s one he doesn’t ever want to wake up from.

The strangest thing Saeyoung has had to start trying to tell himself is that he’s allowed to be happy. Working as a secret agent for so long has in some ways brainwashed him; when joining, Saeyoung wasn’t allowed to have close relationships with his family, and romantic relationships were, of course, completely forbidden. He’d been alone for so long that he’d almost accepted the fact that he always _would_ be, but then at some point, something in him changed. It might partly have to do with Zen, but it might also be because the agency has finally started to change their policies on things in the past two years or so.

He knows it’ll probably take a while for him to get used to this, to Hyun, _calling_ him Hyun, to living a normal life which he’s practically never done before. Not even before he joined the agency, because back then he and his brother had practically been living in hell. And as much as he thought it was probably normal all those years ago, as Saeyoung’s grown older, he’s come to realise that it was everything but. Parents aren’t supposed to be like that. Parents are supposed to be unconditionally loving, supporting, and always ready to lend a helping hand or a shoulder to lean against.

His distorted view of family as a concept has somewhat bled into how he interprets relationships in general, like friendships. Being in the RFA has helped a lot in this regard, and he slowly learnt that there are people out there who want to be friends with him, be close to him, without wanting anything in return or wanting to take advantage of him because of his skills and intelligence.

“Hey,” Hyun says after a few minutes of silence. Saeyoung looks at him again.

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask something… personal?” Saeyoung frowns lightly at this, but he nods, and Hyun continues. “When I came over to your place a few weeks ago, you… you were just skin and bones. It really hurt to see. I hope you’re not suffering that much because of your job.”

“… oh,” Saeyoung replies, and scratches his cheek. It feels weird to have someone ask him things like these, to have someone _care_ to the extent that Hyun does.

There are a few gaps in that time span where he doesn’t remember anything; it’s like someone took a few pieces out of a completed puzzle and hid them. All he knows is that he immersed himself in work as much as he could to prevent himself from thinking too much about anything else. And maybe him constantly working resulted in him barely eating and sleeping. He _did_ notice the other day that his trousers sat a little loosely which they normally don’t, so there might be something in what Hyun’s asking.

“I… don’t remember much,” Saeyoung confesses. “I think I might’ve focused so much on working that I just didn’t eat all the time. I’m gonna… work on that.”

Hyun stops walking, prompting Saeyoung to do the same. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I was too harsh on you.”

“No, you had all the right to be. I did something terrible to you, and when it got out of hand, I didn’t do anything to stop the snowball rolling down the hill from growing bigger. Besides, I’m the one who should apologise. So I’m… I’m sorry, Zen—uh, Hyun.”

“You know,” Hyun says with a little smile, and he steps closer to Saeyoung, still holding his hand. “When I was the most annoyed with you, I thought you just didn’t feel anything, that it didn’t mean anything to you. But man, I was so wrong.”

Hyun moves in even closer, and Saeyoung doesn’t move away when Hyun slowly places his lips against Saeyoung’s. It’s almost as if he’s silently asking for permission to do so before actually going in for the kiss, and by Saeyoung not moving away, he’s allowing Hyun to kiss him.

His heart hammers against his ribcage, and their kiss lasts so long that Saeyoung has a chance to feel the texture of Hyun’s lips against his. Hyun seems to really be taking care of his lips, as well as his skin in general, because they’re soft and not chapped in any way whatsoever. Meanwhile, Saeyoung’s a little ashamed of _his_ lips, because he has a habit of biting them when he’s nervous or concentrated, the latter which happens a lot, and he knows his lips are probably a disaster in comparison to Hyun’s.

But Hyun doesn’t seem to mind as he doesn’t move away as quickly as one would if they _did_ mind kissing a pair of chapped lips that are frequently gnawed on. If anything, this gives Saeyoung an incentive to stop his bad habit, or at least get a hold of some chapstick.

Hyun slowly pulls back, and he’s still smiling. “I didn’t really wanna stop, but I know I’ve gotta hold back.”

Saeyoung swallows hard, resisting the urge to ask why. He already knows, and the reason makes him feel both happy and sad at the same time. Hyun really is the definition of someone who’s too good to be true. Again, it wouldn’t surprise him if he wakes up in his bed at home any second now, realising this has all been a dream.

“Thanks for walking me back home,” he says instead. “This feels a little weird, though.”

Hyun laughs. “Yeah. But I guess… as long as we’re both okay with it, it’ll probably stop feeling weird after a while.”

This might just be what Saeyoung needs in his life. Positivity, optimism, a little brightness that lasts longer than simple friendly actions do. It isn’t something he’s ever had the privilege of getting used to, and he’s kind of looking forward to it now.

They stop right outside Saeyoung’s house, and Saeyoung feels a little lonely when Hyun lets go of his hand, that quickly starts losing the warmth Hyun’s been providing up until now.

“See you soon?” Hyun asks.

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

It takes a lot more willpower than he’d expected to not look back as he walks inside the house, but once he _is_ inside and has locked the door behind him, Saeyoung sighs heavily for a reason he isn’t quite sure of. All he knows is that this day went a whole lot better than he’d originally expected, and he owes it all to a chance encounter with Hyun at the supermarket.

The smell of food makes Saeyoung immediately perk up, and he makes his way into the kitchen. As expected, Saeran’s standing with his back turned to Saeyoung by the stove, so Saeyoung takes the opportunity to try and scare his brother as he tiptoes up to Saeran.

“I heard you come in,” Saeran says, and Saeyoung stops, pouting to himself.

“Bummer.”

“So how’d it go?”

His pout turns into a little smile, and he’s glad Saeran’s still not facing him. “Went okay, I guess.”

Saeran huffs out a laugh. “Yeah, I figured. Congrats, you finally sorted things out.”

“Yeah. Hey… thanks.”

“For what?”

“Being on my case. And I know you talked to him, too. So thanks for all that.”

This time, Saeran does turn his head to the side, and he raises an amused eyebrow at his older brother. “Sure. Now help with dinner.”

 

* * *

 

One of the first things he notices is that Hyun is… kind of needy. Not too much needy, because he’s obviously holding back, but Saeyoung thinks it’s cute. He isn’t used to having people want to talk to him so often, but he doesn’t find it unwelcome at all despite what his past self would say. Maybe it _is_ true that everyone can change, when even he’s gone through a few changes over the last couple of years.

The more time he spends talking to Hyun and getting to know him in a way he hasn’t before, the more tempting it is for him to quit his job and find something else to do. Something else that doesn’t put his own or other people’s lives in danger, something else he can do where he can feel _proud_ of himself after a day at work. Working as a hacker has had its benefits over the years, not to mention the protection he got when he needed it. But now that he doesn’t need it anymore, maybe it’s about time he quits and moves on with his life.

“I hope you’re not here just because of Elizabeth the 3rd, because if you are, I’m kicking you out right now.”

Saeyoung smiles and waves his hand dismissively. “No, no—it might be _one_ of the reasons, but it’s not the biggest one.” Then his smile fades, and he sighs. “I’m thinking of quitting my job.”

Jumin raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Oh. Is there a particular reason?”

“A few,” Saeyoung says. “But the biggest reason is that I don’t want to do it anymore, and I definitely don’t _need_ to. I don’t need the protection and I certainly don’t wanna keep taking all this dirty money and call it my salary when I for once have other choices.”

Why he’s telling Jumin of all people is still not completely clear to himself, but he figures that out of all the RFA members including his own brother, Jumin might be the only one who would at least somewhat understand him. Saeran probably would, too, but there’s just something that tells Saeyoung it’s better to talk to Jumin first. Maybe it’s because Jumin is better than anyone else at keeping a level head and not mix his own personal feelings into it unless he has to.

“Then I think you should. You don’t need to work there anymore, do you?”

“No, which is why I want to get out.”

Jumin hums, and crosses his arms over his chest. “I see. Well, I support your decision, and should you want to work at C&R, I have a few positions in mind I could offer you.”

Saeyoung smiles, and shakes his head. “No thanks, I don’t think I wanna work in an office. I’ll figure something out. I guess I just came here to vent and see if it was a dumb idea or not.”

“I don’t think it is. As long as it’s what you want, then I don’t see why not. I never did like the secrecy and the dubious work you did, anyway.”

“I know,” Saeyoung replies. “I also feel bad for continuing to work there when I’ve finally gotten everything I worked so hard for in the first place. Honestly, I should’ve quit the moment I got Saeran back. But I… guess I just continued working there thinking I’d get out ‘someday’, and I kept putting it off. It’s dumb, really.”

“I can’t say I don’t agree that it was dumb,” Jumin replies, “but I guess I sort of understand what you’re saying. I guess we’ll just have to be happy nothing happened to either of you or the rest of us after things were resolved.”

“Yeah.” He smiles a little. “Well, thanks for hearing me out. Can I at least pet Elly before I go?”

“I keep telling you,” Jumin sighs irritably, “her name is _Elizabeth the 3 rd_.”

Even so, Saeyoung notes a tiny little smile on Jumin’s lips. Just to be safe, however, Saeyoung decides to leave without giving Elizabeth his affection. He’s been chased by Jumin’s body guards before, and today is not a day where he wants it to happen again.

“Wait, Saeyoung.” He stops right by the door, and turns around. Jumin walks up to him, and oddly enough gives Saeyoung a pat on the shoulder. “Congratulations. I may not be on the best terms with Zen, but I hope you’ll be happy.”

“Word sure travels fast,” Saeyoung replies. “Jaehee, I’m guessing?”

“Correct.”

Well, that might mean she isn’t too pissed with him, then. Saeyoung had sensed some irritation from her when they’d talked outside the restaurant during the RFA dinner, and maybe it’s not _all_ gone yet, but Saeyoung hopes he’s at least in the clear for now. All he has to make sure of is to not screw up; Hyun is close friends with Jaehee, after all, and she’ll hear of anything Saeyoung does wrong pretty fast, he guesses.

He leaves Jumin’s apartment and drives back home. Saeran had messaged him earlier saying he’d be at Yoosung’s place all evening and probably head to work from there in the morning, so now Saeyoung has to fend for himself in terms of dinner. Which usually means him just stuffing his face with Honey Buddha crisps and Dr Pepper, but since they have quite a bit of groceries in the fridge, he figures he should probably try and make himself something for once.

Some days, he likes the silence that comes with complete solitude. Sometimes it can be nice to just have the house all to himself, not having to think about anyone else around who might want to be social. But right now, the silence is almost deafening, and he’s even disturbed by the sound the knife makes every time it hits the cutting board.

In the middle of chopping up vegetables, his phone rings out in the living room, and he pauses to go out and get it. To his surprise, he sees Hyun’s name on the screen, and his heart skips a beat.

“Yeah?”

“ _Hey_ ,” Hyun says. “ _You busy?_ ”

“Hey. No, well… I was about to make dinner. What’s up?”

Hyun hesitates for a second or two. “ _I dunno. I just… thought about you, and I wanted to talk. You know, I live in a pretty small house, but it feels so big right now_.”

Saeyoung realises they’re probably feeling the same thing. And really, this is probably one of the biggest things they might have in common; lack of personal relationships. Hyun’s often too busy with work to form any, and Saeyoung has up until a year ago or so not been _allowed_ to form any personal relationships. Maybe them finding each other and getting together was bound to happen, after all.

“I… know what you mean,” he replies slowly, and as he glances back into the kitchen, he continues. “Wanna come over? I might not be the best cook but… maybe you could, uh, have dinner here. Or something.”

Saeyoung isn’t really a social butterfly, which is obvious by the way he talks sometimes. He mentally slaps himself on the forehead, while also half-nervously awaiting Hyun’s response.

“ _That’d be great_ ,” Hyun says, and Saeyoung swears he can hear Hyun smile. “ _I’ll be over as soon as I can_.”

They hang up, and Saeyoung ends up just standing there with his phone in his hand for a few minutes in shocked silence. This is completely new to him, but even so, it hadn’t been _too_ difficult to just ask Hyun over for dinner. Would this be considered a date? Is it too soon, is he too clingy? No, if he _would’ve_ been, Hyun probably would’ve refused. Maybe Hyun’s just as deprived of social interaction as Saeyoung is.

Returning to the kitchen, Saeyoung continues cooking. He isn’t the most advanced cook, which makes him self-conscious now that he has to serve food to someone other than himself. He just really hopes it’ll at least be _edible_ —he can compensate by taking Hyun out for dinner at some expensive restaurant at another date. The thought of getting to see Hyun like this more than just this one time from now on makes Saeyoung’s heart beat faster with excitement and nervousness at the same time. How long has it been since he felt like this? Has he _ever_?

By the time the soup is on the stove simmering away, the doorbell rings, and Saeyoung walks out into the hallway on legs that feel just like the noodles they’ll be having with said soup. He mentally slaps his own cheeks, shaking his head and attempting to rid himself of any nervous and possibly negative thoughts. Where did his playful personality run off to? Surely _this_ can’t be the guy Hyun fell for, can it? Or is it just Saeyoung’s imagination that Hyun actually _likes_ his joking, playful side, when no one else seems to?

“Welcome to my humble abode,” he says as he welcomes Hyun inside. Hyun raises an eyebrow as he walks in, hanging his coat on one of the hooks by the entrance.

“I’d say it’s anything _but_ humble. I feel like your collection of cars just keeps growing for each time I come by.”

Saeyoung hums. “Well, maybe not quite _that_ often, but now you’ve given me an idea.”

“Please don’t.”

Despite how their relationship has changed just recently, Saeyoung still doesn’t have to tell Hyun to feel at home in his house, which is nice. Even though things _have_ changed, he senses a tiny bit of tension and maybe nervousness between the two, and most of it may come from himself.

“Dinner’s just about ready,” he announces on his way back into the kitchen. “Hope you’re hungry.”

“You have no idea,” Hyun whines. “Haven’t eaten in all day, and whatever you’re making smells delicious. I’m just glad it isn’t Dr Pepper with crisps.”

“Hey,” Saeyoung says with mock-offence in his voice. “They’re called _Honey Buddha_ crisps, for your information, and I personally would’ve been fine with that for dinner. Or any meal of the day, really.”

“I know that.”

Saeyoung smiles to himself. It’s nice to know they’ve managed to keep the playfulness between them, at least. Something that’s always worried him about getting into romantic relationships in general is first of all having his freedom taken away from him, but also the general feel between him and his potential partner. He’s never had any problems having fun with Hyun during the years they’ve known each other, and even now that hasn’t changed.

_Partner_. He catches himself mid-thought and nibbles on his lower lip, slightly frowning. Is that what Hyun is to him now? His partner? Of course, this isn’t something they’ve talked about yet, and Saeyoung wouldn’t even dream of taking things for granted or making assumptions with someone like Hyun.

He’s caught off-guard and flinches when a pair of strong arms embrace him from behind, and then his heartrate goes through the roof when Hyun rests his chin on Saeyoung’s shoulder.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Hyun mumbles. “This looks amazing.”

“Was supposed to be a surprise,” Saeyoung chides, and Hyun laughs lightly.

“I’m like an impatient child on Christmas Day morning, and I can’t help it.”

Saeyoung loosens up the noodles in the pot, and then puts down his cooking chopsticks beside the stove to place his hands on Hyun’s forearms instead, leaning into the embrace. It’s a little foreign, but it feels nice, and maybe it’s something Saeyoung wouldn’t mind getting used to. Now that he’s determined on leaving the agency, no matter what it takes to do so, he wants to think he’s allowed to be truly happy, truly free, once he’s gotten the shackles off him.

He knows it won’t be easy. The agency itself isn’t too difficult to deal with if your name is Saeyoung Choi, but his partner, Vanderwood, is a completely different beast with whom a battle could very well risk Saeyoung’s life. It’s never been easy for Saeyoung to simply exist, and just because he’s just recently managed to obtain some happiness, that doesn’t mean he’s out of the woods just yet.

Dinner’s served, and the two get seated by the table in the kitchen. It isn’t often Saeyoung actually eats by said table since he and his brother usually eat in the living room in front of the TV, but it’s actually kind of nice to eat in the kitchen, as you’re _supposed_ to, for once.

“Can I be completely honest with you?” Hyun says only a few bites in, and Saeyoung immediately becomes nervous. He nods regardless, and Hyun smiles. “I would’ve never in a million years thought you can actually cook. Considering what you normally eat, I mean.”

The relief that washes over Saeyoung makes him laugh. “Well, I do like to surprise people. HBC is easier for me to eat, which is why I eat it so often.”

“And because you probably don’t normally have _time_ to make dinner. I’m sure Saeran doesn’t wanna cook for you all the time, either.”

Saeyoung’s smile slowly fades. If it’s something he’s really looking forward to, it’s getting out of the agency and starting to live a normal life. Eat normal food, sleep and wake up at normal times, not feel guilt and shame over his profession. And most importantly, not having to keep so many secrets.

“I know you said you wanted to take me _out_ on a date,” Saeyoung says instead. “But I hope this is still okay.”

Hyun looks at Saeyoung with confusion painted all over his face before he bursts out laughing. “It’s fine! I like this, too. I think this might be the first time anyone’s ever cooked for me, too.”

It hurts a little when Saeyoung realises the meaning behind Hyun’s words. This is another thing they have in common—something so unfortunate as having grown up in an abusive household completely devoid of love and affection. Hyun’s choice of career considering his past actually makes sense; he surrounds himself with love from people who _aren’t_ his family, and while he doesn’t have a whole lot of social life outside of work, he’s still appreciated.

If only Saeyoung’s life had worked out the same way.

“Then I’m glad I could at least do this for you,” Saeyoung says.

Hyun reaches for Saeyoung’s hand across the table, and brings it to his lips, softly kissing the back of it. “Me too.”

 

* * *

 

Even though he’s a guest and Saeyoung keeps insisting on it, Hyun convinces Saeyoung to let him help clean up after dinner, so the two of them stand side by side in the kitchen and do the dishes. It doesn’t take long for Hyun to start humming, and by that point, Saeyoung feels like he shouldn’t be allowed to continue doing the dishes since he fears he could just drop whatever he’s holding because of the very beautiful distraction that is Hyun’s voice.

“I just realised I’ve never been to any of your shows,” he mumbles more to himself than to Hyun, but Hyun hears him anyway.

“Would you wanna go? I can get you tickets. You can take Saeran with you, too.”

He turns to face Hyun with surprise colouring his entire face. “Really?”

“Yeah! I’d love it if you came to see me perform.”

“You wouldn’t be nervous to have God Seven gracing the room with his presence?”

Hyun snorts and rolls his eyes. “I’m not worried; I know everyone’s eyes will be on me, anyway. Besides, you like it best where you can’t be seen.”

“Touché.”

Of course, Saeyoung wouldn’t mind going to see one of Hyun’s stage performances. He’s seen a few clips from one or two of the films Hyun has starred in, but that’s been about it, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t wanna hear Hyun sing on a big stage.

He puts the last plate on the drying rack on the counter, stealing a glance Hyun’s way. Hyun’s looking out the window in front of him out at the night sky, and Saeyoung has to force himself to look away before he’s just blatantly staring instead of being discreet. Unfortunately, he isn’t being subtle enough.

“What is it?” Hyun asks, and without turning his head, he looks at Saeyoung to the side.

Saeyoung clears his throat, and steps away from the counter. So much for being a secret agent who’s supposed to be good at being sneaky. “Nothing. What do you say we play a few rounds of video games?”

He has no idea what he’s supposed to do, what he should say, how he should act around someone he’s basically head over heels in love with. Usually he’d deal with his feelings on his own and will them to go away, but now that he knows they’re reciprocated, he’s frantically searching his brain for a page on ‘how to deal with mutual affection’. That doesn’t work, of course.

But Hyun goes along with the idea, thankfully, so the two sit down on the couch in the living room to play a few matches on the video game console that Yoosung probably uses more than anyone else despite not even living there. As it turns out, Hyun is _terrible_ at playing video games, and frequently forgets which button does what, which means Saeyoung ends up winning a lot. It’s a miracle he does, though, because he’s still distracted by the mere, very close, presence of Hyun.

All Saeyoung hopes is that Hyun won’t be able to hear his hammering heartbeat.

“You know this is unfair, right?” Hyun complains. “I’m not built for playing video games.”

Saeyoung snorts. “Neither am I, but it’s a skill you build up.”

“Now you’re starting to sound like Yoosung,” Hyun says and puts his controller down next to him. Just as Saeyoung expects Hyun to get off the couch, Hyun instead chooses to straddle Saeyoung and block his view. Not that there’s much to see on a TV screen when the _better_ view is now so much closer and even tangible.

Saeyoung swallows hard, hearing his pulse loudly in his ears. “That bored?”

“Yeah. Do you mind?”

“I don’t.”

Hyun leans forward and places a hand on each side of Saeyoung’s head resting against the couch, but he doesn’t lurch forward like Saeyoung had expected. Saeyoung definitely doesn’t mind taking things slow, but he does mind when it’s _too_ slow. And right now, that’s how he feels like things are progressing, despite his nervousness.

So instead, he pulls Hyun towards himself, their lips nearly crashing against each other, and Saeyoung can’t resist letting a smile grow on his lips when he hears a frustrated whine from Hyun.

“’m glad you seem to think what I’m thinkin’,” Hyun murmurs against Saeyoung’s lips between kisses. “’Cause I’d probably go mad if you hadn’t caught on.”

Despite his lack of romantic experience and limited social interaction outside of work, Hyun is a great kisser. Saeyoung wonders if he actually has to kiss people on stage or in the occasional film he’s in, because if that’s the case, that explains why he’s so good at it. And like during their first kiss, Hyun’s lips are still as soft, while Saeyoung’s pretty sure his haven’t improved since. If kissing’s going to be common from now on, which he takes the liberty to assume, he probably has to actually do something about his horribly chapped lips.

Hyun scoots up further, and Saeyoung sucks in a sharp breath when he does, since the brief friction is more than enough to give him an erection. And this is the moment where Saeyoung realises wearing jeans was a very bad idea.

At the sound of the front door unlocking, Hyun pulls apart out of breath, and Saeyoung’s glad he did so at that moment or he probably would’ve bit Hyun’s tongue right off. In comes Saeran ‘Cockblock’ Choi, and he raises his eyebrows slightly, very unimpressed by the sight he’s greeted by on his living room couch.

“Probably should’ve texted before I barged in,” he says. Saeyoung lets out a loud, exasperated sigh.

“You _think_?”

“Well, jeez—how was I supposed you’d have your boyfriend over for sex?”

Hyun awkwardly clears his throat as he gets off the couch. “We could go to my place instead. Wanna go?”

Saeyoung silently thanks Hyun for being a quick thinker, and gratefully takes Hyun up on the offer as the two make their way out without saying much else. Saeyoung just knows he’ll be hearing more than enough about this the next time he sees his brother. And soon enough, Yoosung’s going to know, too, which means the rest of the RFA will know by the end of that day.

Suddenly, Saeyoung feels like he’s a teenager again.

He and Hyun quickly make their way down the street from the Choi house, but they don’t make it very far before Hyun stops, and pushes Saeyoung up against the nearest wall. Just as he feels like Hyun’s punched the air right out of his lungs, that feeling is completely wiped away when Hyun kisses him deeply again.

“Sorry,” Hyun says, grinning. “I couldn’t help myself. Just tell me if I’m doing something I shouldn’t.”

Saeyoung rolls his eyes. “You know, you’re only two years older than me; you don’t have to treat me like I’m a kid. That’s kinda gross considering what we’re doing.”

_And probably are about to do_.

Hyun laughs. “No, that’s not it! I just… don’t wanna do something you don’t want. You know?”

“I know,” Saeyoung replies, and he smiles. “Don’t worry, I’ll let you know. And likewise.”

“I… have a feeling you’ll need that more than me.”

There’s something about those words that makes Saeyoung swallow a sound of frustration and excitement. Maybe this _is_ what he’s wanted and needed for so long. Someone who won’t constantly hold back, someone who won’t treat him like he’s fragile or like he’s strange. Normally Hyun probably would do that, but with them getting to know each other in new ways, Saeyoung’s feeling pretty confident that Hyun will actually treat him like Saeyoung now, and not like 707 the jokester.

They walk back to Hyun’s house, though it’s almost a half-jog more than anything else, and they barely even make it inside before lips meet and someone’s back is once again slammed against a wall. This time, though, the roles are reversed as Saeyoung’s decided on leaving his inhibitions outside Hyun’s now closed front door.

“At this rate,” Hyun says, “we might not even make it into the bedroom.”

“I wouldn’t mind that.”

Because to him, nothing sounds sexier than being fucked against a door right now. Of course, not everyone has as low standards as he does, and Saeyoung doesn’t know what surface is deemed good to fuck on or against by Hyun. But maybe since it’s their first time, maybe the door will have to wait for another time.

Hyun seems to be of the same opinion as he instead leads Saeyoung into the bedroom, but not without kissing Saeyoung nearly a thousand times, and scattering articles of clothing on the way. Saeyoung doesn’t mind if his lips will be bleeding the next day, because this is a very good reason for that to happen.

So maybe the door wasn’t their choice for the evening, but instead Saeyoung lets himself be fucked into a mattress and against a headboard, hard to the point where he’ll definitely feel it the next day and remember it for weeks or even months. He holds Hyun tight, tight enough for his nails to leave crescent-shaped marks on Hyun’s shoulders, arms and back. And while Hyun’s embrace is full of affection and care, his thrusts and the cuss words he whispers between clenched teeth remind Saeyoung of that ‘beast’ Hyun’s talked about so many times in the chat that he didn’t want to come out.

But it’s very obvious that Saeyoung’s basically eye to eye with said beast right now, but despite the common belief that you should be scared of beasts, fear isn’t something Saeyoung is experiencing right now.

Hyun lets out a shuddery gasp, and then he briefly collapses on top of Saeyoung who was _so_ close. He can’t really bring himself to be disappointed, though, because this was way better than he could’ve ever expected. Hyun seems to notice that Saeyoung hasn’t gotten to come yet, though, because he rolls over on his stomach to crawl downwards and position himself right over Saeyoung’s dick.

“You don’t have to,” Saeyoung says, but Hyun puts up a finger against his lips to keep him from talking.

“I know I don’t.”

And if Saeyoung hasn’t spontaneously combusted up until now, he might just do that just from watching Hyun suck him off.

“Jesus,” he hisses. “I know you hear this a lot, but you… are _so_ sexy.”

Hyun makes a sound akin to a laugh, but he doesn’t stop until he’s left Saeyoung a near-breathless mess still clutching at the sheets beneath him for dear life. He still doesn’t move when Hyun disappears into the bathroom briefly, but finally manages to get out of bed once Hyun returns just to freshen up a little.

He’s convinced to stay the night, and falls asleep in Hyun’s arms that night. It’s been a long time since Saeyoung’s been in a position like this, and he’s pretty sure he’s never been in a _relationship_ like this. Everything’s always been temporary for him, because that’s what it had to be, that’s what it was _supposed_ to be. He himself was never supposed to be permanent, and he’s always had to disappear the second he’d started feeling at home somewhere.

It certainly hasn’t been the ideal way to live, but it’s all he’s known for so long that it’s hard to shake off. Stability is a concept that still scares him, because he fears that it’ll turn into impermanence at some point, either by his own hands or someone else’s. With all of the loose ends he has yet to tie up, Saeyoung can't possibly  _hope_ to be truly happy and feel relieved with someone like Hyun by his side.

Which is what has him sneaking out of Hyun’s house at four in the morning, only leaving a message on Hyun’s phone before heading out the door.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyun turns to someone unexpected in an effort to understand things better, and he tries to go back to living his life as normally as he can now that Saeyoung's suddenly disappeared.

_Hyun_.

 

He hasn’t had an evening or a night quite like this in years. Hell, Hyun’s not even sure he _ever_ has. If he fell asleep with a stupid smile on his face, he’s glad Saeyoung’s the only one who was able to see it, if he did. There was just something about getting to fall asleep with someone he cares so deeply for in his arms.

Which is why the feeling that greets him the following morning is so out of place. Saeyoung isn’t in his arms, he isn’t even in bed, and the side he slept on is cold. Hyun isn’t an idiot—that obviously means Saeyoung hasn’t been in bed for quite some time. Which means he’s probably gone back home, and god knows for what reason. Was it that bad? Does Saeyoung regret it? Did he get cold feet? Does he not _want_ a relationship, after all?

Hyun knows there are many possibilities to be considered since this is Saeyoung, a man who’s never had a proper lover in his entire life because he was never meant to. Since he’s still with the agency, maybe this is the reason he left. That still doesn’t mean Hyun isn’t hurt, confused, and maybe a little angry, too.

Sighing, Hyun rolls over to his nightstand and picks up his phone. His heart skips a beat when he finds a draft message open on his phone the first thing he does.

**[it’s not your fault, i just need to sort some things out. i’m sorry.]**

 

Hyun frowns lightly as he reads the message twice, letting the words sink in. He still doesn’t quite know what it means after his second read; is this the end of what was only just the beginning? Should he just leave Saeyoung be for a while, and hope to hear back from him at all? Is it worth bothering Saeran about this considering everything he’s already been whining to Saeran about so far?

A knot of worry forms in the pit of Hyun’s stomach as he thinks about the possible reasons for why Saeyoung left before Hyun had a chance of waking up. He can’t help but think of the worst possible reason—that Saeyoung’s planning on leaving the agency, and that he knows they won’t let him do that so easily. Hyun’s had the feeling Saeyoung would want to leave the agency eventually now that he has everything he wants, most importantly his brother, and is no longer in need of his secret identity. But he knows that maybe it’s too soon to assume this is all related to why Saeyoung left so early in the morning without a proper explanation.

The only one Hyun knows he could talk to about this whom he _hasn’t_ bothered yet is Jumin, and Jumin is someone Hyun mostly does his best to avoid having to interact with. But now that he cares so much for Saeyoung, he finds himself quickly running out of other options.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” he says into the phone, his jaw tightened. He’s fully expecting Jumin to laugh at him, think he’s an idiot, ridicule him—because that’s what Jumin does. But Jumin does no such thing, and it’s surprising Hyun.

“ _I won’t. I’m assuming he hasn’t told you he’s leaving the agency._ ”

Hyun nearly drops his phone. He’d suspected it would happen, but hearing Jumin say that Saeyoung’s actually planning on leaving the agency is completely different from what he’d expected.

“He _is_? I… haven’t heard anything. I mean, I kind of expected he’d want to someday, but… this is still unexpected.”

Jumin sighs. “ _I prefer having conversations like these in person. Would you like to meet somewhere? I know how much you despise Elizabeth the 3 rd, so I’m willing to meet you elsewhere._”

“I’m _allergic_ ,” Hyun bites back, but he quickly calms himself down and takes a deep breath. “I know a place.”

The two decide to meet outside a coffee shop Hyun frequents, and after Jumin’s driver has dropped him off, the two go inside to get coffee to go. A coffee shop probably isn’t the ideal place for this conversation, either, and Hyun would much rather prefer being outside on a day like this.

Jumin is dressed as formally as he always is; the only difference is that he’s loosened the top two buttons on his dress shirt beneath the suit jacket, and that’s apparently what signifies casual clothing for him. Hyun will never understand the world of Jumin Han, and he’s not so sure he’d want to, either. It’s so vastly different from his own—one of the biggest reasons the two of them rarely get along.

A ten-minute walk later and after having discarded their coffee mugs, the two sit down on a bench in a park almost completely empty of people. Hyun frequently checks his phone for any signs of life from Saeyoung, but he’s slowly starting to realise it probably won’t happen anytime soon. All he hopes is that he’ll _eventually_ hear from Saeyoung, but he also doesn’t want to think about the worst-case scenario too much.

“Saeyoung decided he wants to quit the agency because he’s no longer in need of their protection. He also doesn’t want to keep dirtying his hands with a job he’s never once enjoyed if he doesn’t have to, either financially or for security.”

“Okay,” Hyun replies, unsure of what else to say. He feels Jumin briefly regard him from the side, but he doesn’t turn to meet Jumin’s gaze.

“It isn’t going to be easy. Mind you, I do not know all of the details, because there’s a lot Saeyoung simply _can’t_ tell us. But he has a lot to deal with, and it’s going to be very dangerous. Which is why I’m assuming he didn’t tell you.”

Saeyoung has always been a difficult man to understand. His ways of thinking, working and handling things in general haven’t always made sense to the people around him, but Hyun knows he’s always, _always_ , wanted what’s best for everyone he holds dear. His methods may not be the ones Hyun would’ve chosen, but Saeyoung’s the best in his field for a reason. There’s never been a point where Hyun doubted Saeyoung, but that doesn’t mean he’s never been worried.

“So what now? How do I make sure he’s alive?”

Jumin sighs, and shrugs. “You don’t.”

Hyun almost jumps up from where he sits, but just about resists doing so despite the anger that quickly bubbles up within him. “How can you take this so lightly?! What if he doesn’t make it out of the agency alive? What if they kill him?”

“I told you I don’t know, Zen.”

And now that Hyun finally takes the time to look at Jumin, he can see how tired the other man is, how worried Jumin actually is for Saeyoung. It slowly dawns upon Hyun that Jumin _isn’t_ taking this lightly, he’s very much worried but he’s choosing to bottle up his feelings like those bottles of wine he has in his penthouse apartment. They’re very different people, but that doesn’t mean they can’t have their similarities, no matter how few they may be.

“There’s no way for us to find out,” Jumin continues. “All we can do is wait, and hope it all goes well.  No matter how many strings I pull, no matter who I hire to try and help him, it isn’t going to work. In fact, I’m fairly certain that if I try to help Saeyoung at this point, I may just make things a lot worse. So I have no choice but to step back and trust him like I always have.”

It’s an odd feeling to _understand_ Jumin, but Hyun certainly does. He understands how difficult it must be for Jumin to admit defeat, admit that there isn’t anything he can do, and that all he _can_ do is just sit back and wait for something to happen. It isn’t the way Hyun liked to go about doing things, either, and he knows that if not even Jumin Han can do something about this, then he certainly can’t even dream of it himself.

 

* * *

 

If focusing on work was difficult before, Hyun had absolutely no idea just what it’d be like now, after having come to terms with his feelings, had them reciprocated, and having shared an intimate night with Saeyoung. Realistically, they hadn’t spent much time together at all after the original ‘confession’, but since they’ve known each other for so many years, to Hyun it felt like they’d been lovers for quite some time.

Which is why it’s difficult for him to readjust to having to be without Saeyoung again, to immerse himself in work and to essentially attempt going back to his previous lifestyle. Well, if _something_ has come back into his life from said lifestyle, it’s his habit of stress-smoking—something that doesn’t excite people around him. That’s not to say he’s really enjoying it, because that would be as far from the truth as one could come. If anything, Hyun’s disappointed in himself for so easily falling back into that old habit of his.

“He isn’t at home, either?”

Hyun barely resists laughing humourlessly. The first place he went to look was the Choi household, but he already knew before going that he wouldn’t find Saeyoung there. “No. Saeran doesn’t know where he is, either. I don’t know how he deals with it.”

Jaehee frowns in concern. “I don’t think that’s anything you could ever get used to, no matter how many times you get separated and reunited with someone. I’m sure it’s tough for him, too.”

“It’s just… he disappeared so _suddenly_. Like he straight up just stopped existing,” Hyun says miserably, running his fingers through his hair with a sigh. “All I have is a drafted message he left on my phone. No pictures, nothing.”

To be fair, Saeyoung rarely ever gets caught on a photo to begin with. Hyun can’t even count the total amount of photos he’s seen of Saeyoung on _one_ hand, unless you were to count those of ‘Mary’. Too bad Hyun’s gotten rid of those photos a long time ago, because at least those would’ve been _something_.

“I’m sorry, Zen.”

He shrugs, and hates that it’s all he can do in response. “I guess all we can do is just wait and see what happens. I hate it, but I don’t have any other choice.”

“Unfortunately, I think you’re right.”

Smoking doesn’t help calm him down. No amount of beer can drown his worries. Work becomes a chore instead of something he loves doing. Several days pass, and then they turn into a week, then two. Hyun initially stays in regular contact with Saeran, but he eventually starts feeling bad for reminding Saeran about his missing twin brother who could be just about anywhere right now. Is he still in Korea? Is he even in Asia? Where could he have gone? Would the agency really chase him across the planet?

The concern coming from his friends is both touching but sometimes also a bit annoying. He’s not the one they should be concerned about since he isn’t the one whose life is in danger just for wanting to quit his job and go on to live a normal life. Much like Jumin’s life would never make sense to Hyun, the same goes for Saeyoung’s work and many things from his past. Hyun and Saeyoung are like polar opposites with what they do for a living; Hyun is a public figure whose name is starting to become known in more parts of the country, whereas Saeyoung’s barely even in the system to begin with.

One evening when he’s feeling particularly lonely and down, Hyun tries calling Saeyoung. He knows it’s dumb, that it’ll probably send him straight to voicemail, but at least that way he might still get to hear Saeyoung’s voice telling him to leave a message after the beep.

But when he isn’t even greeted with such a message, and he instead hears that the number he’d dialled is no longer in use, his heart sinks in his chest and Hyun finds it hard to breathe. He knew it was a possibility Saeyoung would have to dispose of his phone in case the agency tracked him, but it still makes his stomach churn with worry at the sound of the robotic voice letting him know Saeyoung isn’t using this number anymore.

He hangs up, sighs, and barely resists chucking his phone at the wall. Love is dumb, and he’s always heard it from various sources through his life, but he still won’t say he regrets falling in love with Saeyoung. Falling for Saeyoung probably made Hyun blind to certain things, put a pair of rose-tinted glasses on the bridge of his nose, but it still somehow made the world a more beautiful place to live. Even now when Saeyoung isn’t around, Hyun still prefers things the way they are now than how it was before all of this happened.

Hyun does his best to try and rehearse for his upcoming shows, tries to live his life as normally as he can despite the name that keeps repeating itself in the back of his mind all the time like a mantra. At this point, getting over Saeyoung isn’t even on his mind, not now that they’d only just recently started dating—not when they’d been so close to obtaining happiness together. Maybe he’s naïve, but Hyun wants to believe they’ll find it someday, and that they’ll do it together, too.

So all he can do is keep hoping, be patient or at least _pretend_ to be, and wait for the day he hears from Saeyoung again.

 

* * *

 

The curtain lowers once again, and Hyun releases a sigh of relief. His fellow actors are all laughing, hugging, shaking hands, celebrating. He does his best to participate, and it’s a good thing he’s an actor in a situation where he needs to hide what he’s really thinking and feeling. He agrees to go out for drinks that evening with a few of the members, and it somewhat helps to get his mind off things. It’s a nice bunch of people with their hearts in the right places, and most of them are easy to make conversation with.

Most of the time he just feels like he isn’t there. Their voices are muffled, as if he’s trying to listen in on their conversation through a window. Hyun tries to shake his negative thoughts off, and it works for a little while so he can actually hang out with his friends, but then it doesn’t take long for him to zone out again. Even so, he keeps trying to convince himself that this is better than going home and spending the rest of his evening in solitude before he goes to sleep in a bed that still feels too big for him alone.

It hurts knowing he can’t talk about this with any of the other actors, even though he’s gotten pretty close to a few of them, being able to call them friends. Hyun has an image to uphold as a ladies’ man, and the truth would not only shatter said image, but probably his career, too. He wants to believe there are other people in the industry like him, hiding who they truly are in order to keep their jobs, but since he’s never met anyone like himself, he can’t be too sure.

For now, all he can do is be like he’s always been, even though the identity he’s had up until now hasn’t been his true self. Acting and singing is all he has, and if it gets taken away from him, it’s very much the same as him getting kicked out of his house and robbed of all his belongings.

At the end of the night when they all part ways, Hyun walks all the way back to his house. The cold night air helps keep him alert and awake, but as soon as he comes back to the house, he feels like crashing on the spot. It’s a good thing he’s already had dinner or he would’ve had to eat something before going to bed; at least that only leaves him taking a shower before attempting to get some sleep.

If there’s something he hopes will disappear with time, it’s the feeling as if every day lasts for a week.

“ _Are you at home right now?_ ”

Hyun sits up better on his couch, and he stretches his upper body. “Yeah, sure. Why?”

“ _Coming over. You want anything?_ ”

He frowns to himself, and looks at the clock on his microwave in the kitchen. It’s not very late at night, but it’s still weird for Yoosung to want to come over uninvited at this time. Hyun also realises that it’s been a while since he actually hung out with Yoosung, and he feels bad.

“Uh, beer would be nice.”

“ _I mean as in actual food, because I know you don’t eat like a normal human being_.”

Hyun snorts. “You’re one to talk.”

“ _I am_!” Yoosung protests. “ _I’m actually doing better about eating these days. I actually cook, which I doubt you do._ ”

Well, he’s pretty sure shoving food into the microwave doesn’t count, so Hyun doesn’t mention it. He does cook for himself occasionally… sometimes… maybe once in a blue moon. If he’s going to be perfectly honest with himself, it’s probably been a while since he made something from scratch, but he usually blames it on the fact that he doesn’t have time to cook since he works all the time.

“Fine, uh… I don’t know, you pick.”

“ _Yeesh, you’re no help. Fine, but you’ll have to eat it, okay? I promise I won’t burn it or poison it_.”

Hyun manages a laugh at that. “If it’s actually _edible_ , then sure, I’ll eat. I’m not picky.”

It’s a little weird, but Hyun thinks this is Yoosung’s roundabout way of making sure he’s still alive and that he _stays_ alive. It’s touching, and Hyun wonders what he did to deserve it considering the fact that he’s been a terrible friend as of late.

Yoosung shows up, and makes them both stir-fried chicken with vegetables and sweet potatoes, a dish Hyun hasn’t had in a long time. He can’t hide the surprise on his face, and it makes Yoosung snort.

“What, you don’t think I can cook?”

“It’s not that, I’m just… not used to it. Seeing you cook, I mean.”

“Well,” Yoosung says and rolls his eyes. “I learn a thing or two every time my mother comes to visit.”

 _That explains a lot_ , Hyun thinks to himself and bites on his lower lip to prevent himself from laughing. Ever since Jumin’s intervention a few years prior, Yoosung’s mother started coming over semi-regularly to make sure her son wasn’t starving to death and that he was properly taking care of himself, including attending his classes. Now that he’s out of school since a while ago and actually working, she isn’t coming by as often, however, but it seems Yoosung’s still learning a thing or two from her, at least when it comes to cooking.

This is one of those instances where Hyun’s jealous of Yoosung for having such a loving and caring mother. He’s practically never had one, and hearing Yoosung complain occasionally about his mother makes Hyun a little upset. If his relationship with his mother had been like the one Yoosung has with his mother, he’s not sure whether he’d take his mother for granted like that if she were in his life to begin with, or if he’d appreciate just having her around. But since he hasn’t been in the situation, he wants to think he definitely wouldn’t be like Yoosung.

“So, uh,” Yoosung says after a while, hesitantly. “I… don’t know what’s going on, or where Saeyoung went. But I’m here if you ever wanna talk or hang out, okay? I know I’m probably not the most fun to be around, but still.”

Hyun smiles a little. “Thanks, I appreciate that.”

“To be honest, I never thought I’d see you two get together. Mostly because I thought you just liked women, but also because you’re just… different, you know? No offence.”

“None taken; I thought so, too,” Hyun admits. It’s a little weird talking to Yoosung about this, but in a way, he’s glad Yoosung offered to talk and listen, and that Hyun actually gets to vent his thoughts and feelings. “I guess I just wasn’t done figuring myself out.”

Yoosung hums. “I… hope he comes back. For you, of course, but… I miss him.”

Hyun’s chest aches, and he takes a deep breath. “I miss him, too.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeyoung settles things in an attempt to go back to where he belongs, to be free.

_Saeyoung_.

 

Saeyoung’s used to taking risks; it’s something he’s had to do constantly for as long as he can remember. Sometimes it doesn’t involve the risk of him losing his life, but sometimes it does. And this is why he’s gotten used to sleeping with an eye open, figuratively. Even if he’s asleep, he’s alert, and wakes up immediately if something happens around him.

But sometimes nightmares wake him up, making him believe it actually happened, and now that Saeyoung’s standing with his gun pointing at the cabin door right by his bed, his face dripping with sweat, he’s glad it _was_ just a nightmare. He hasn’t slept for very long, but he rarely does when he’s on the run. After having made sure no one’s actually outside trying to disarm his security system, Saeyoung goes into the bathroom to wash his face with cold water before he attempts to go back to sleep for a bit.

Now that Saeyoung’s softened after rescuing Saeran, he finds himself desperately wanting to at least let the others know he’s alive. Hyun probably thinks Saeyoung left because he got cold feet, and while that _is_ one of the reasons Saeyoung couldn’t stay, it certainly wasn’t the main one. He has to settle things properly with Vanderwood before he can even dream of relaxing and going back to living a normal life. The agency is a piece of cake, but his hopefully soon-to-be former partner is a completely different issue.

Vanderwood knows where this cabin is. He’s been here once before, and even if it was just once, Saeyoung is confident Vanderwood remembers where it is, and that he knows he’ll find Saeyoung there. All he needs is Vanderwood to show up, and no one else. It’s a whole lot easier if it’s just the two of them, because that means less people for Saeyoung to not have to kill in order to get what he wants and _needs_.

Luckily, he has an ace up his sleeve, and while he’s pretty confident this will work, he knows he can never be a hundred percent sure.

Back in the day, Saeyoung would’ve probably packed his backpack and extra duffel bag full of Dr. Pepper and bags of Honey Buddha crisps, and that had barely been enough to keep him alive for as long as he needed to be. But now, years later, he’s actually learnt to cook for himself, and has stuffed the fridge full of Tupperware with various dishes. Saeran had prepared some of it, too, but Saeyoung wants to save his brother’s food for last.

He misses Saeran. It feels like they’re almost back to the way things used to be when Saeran was with Mint Eye, and the RFA knew him as ‘Unknown’ since they’re separated much like they had been back then. But he knows things are vastly different now, because their bond is restored to the way it was when they were children—Saeyoung would even dare say it’s stronger now than it was back then—and Saeran’s _safe_. Saeyoung knows everyone’s a lot safer now than they were then; all it takes is him getting himself out and away from the agency.

The agency itself had, albeit reluctantly, agreed to let him go. He’s always been their top agent, much to Vanderwood’s chagrin, but maybe that’s exactly why it’s a good thing Saeyoung leaves. So Vanderwood can take the throne, and get the attention he wants and probably also deserves.

Saeyoung’s tired. He wants nothing but to get out of a job that’s dirtied his hands probably for life, a job that paid well, sure—but it all came to a very high price. It’s a debt he’ll have to pay back in instalments for a long time, he knows that, but that’s exactly why he’s got to get out now and not later.

His cabin is well-secured, but even if it wasn’t, Saeyoung wouldn’t feel too worried as long as he’s in there, and he’s awake. He knows the surrounding area well, too, so if it has to come down to a chase, Saeyoung knows he has the upper hand. Not many things could go wrong, but the chance is still there that he could screw up like he has in the past.

To be honest with himself, his life is the last of his concerns. He can’t stop thinking about Hyun, about whether or not Hyun is angry with him for leaving just like that, without any explanation. They’d barely started dating before Saeyoung cut things off, and he feels bad for letting himself be selfish in that short moment where he decided to let Hyun in. If he hadn’t done so, maybe this wouldn’t have been as difficult. Now, he knows Hyun’s warmth, his kindness, his generosity, and it’s a lot more difficult for Saeyoung to be apart from him than it was when he’d been avoiding Hyun’s confrontation.

“This is exactly why I can’t do this anymore,” he laughs bitterly to himself as he sits down on the couch to open up his laptop again. He’s become too soft, too weak to be in a field of work where personal feelings are a mere nuisance and a potential way of getting himself or others killed. He’s never been fragile, not even as a child, but maybe he’s just reverted to the way he was before he joined the intelligence agency in a desperate attempt to save himself and his brother.

 _If only I hadn’t let myself be so easily convinced by V_.

Saeyoung clenches his jaw as his mind wanders off towards V, a man he once considered a father figure, who, together with his fiancée, had in the end screwed him over and nearly crushed his life to pieces. If only Saeyoung would’ve kept looking for another way out, for a way that wouldn’t separate him from his brother for over five years, and for something that wouldn’t end up destroying his perception of human relationships.

On Jumin’s birthday, Saeyoung has a gift box sent over to the penthouse apartment without a return address on it. It’s filled with things mostly for Elizabeth the 3rd, but that’s only because he knows Jumin appreciates things for his cat more than anything, even if it’s for _his_ birthday. It’s a good thing Saeyoung doesn’t have to let Jumin know it’s his gift, because Jumin will just _know_. It’s probably one of the better things that have come out of their friendship.

 

* * *

 

Some days, he swears he can _feel_ Vanderwood’s going to come banging on that door. And then there are some days when Saeyoung wonders if maybe Vanderwood might never come at all. It drives him nuts, and makes him want to seek out Vanderwood himself, just to get things over with. All Saeyoung wants is to be free, and even though it sounds so simple, there’s a lot that would come _with_ that freedom.

Which is why it makes him wonder if maybe he’s asking for too much. Is it really fair for him to leave Vanderwood behind after all this? He knows he probably _still_ owes his partner a lot still; they _have_ been together for a long time after all. At the same time, Saeyoung wants to be selfish, and do something for himself for once, but it comes at a very bad time when the chase for freedom _could_ risk his life.

Even so, if he doesn’t try, he won’t know whether he’ll succeed or fail. So Saeyoung finally decides to contact Vanderwood instead, and speed up the process.

**[Unknown number: i know you’re looking for me, so i thought i’d help you by letting you know i’m at the cabin.]**

 

It should really just be a matter of time now. Vanderwood probably wants to get this out of the way as quickly as Saeyoung does, especially considering he’s even less patient of a person than Saeyoung is, too. As much as Saeyoung hopes he won’t have to resort to using a gun, but he also doesn’t know just how pissed and betrayed Vanderwood feels. Maybe he doesn’t care on a personal level, sure, but being left behind in a field where you greatly benefit from having a partner to always back you up can’t be easy.

When there’s a hard rap on the door, Saeyoung flies up from the couch, and his hand instinctively touches the gun at his side. It _should_ be Vanderwood, but it could be just about anyone from the agency, too. Maybe Vanderwood brought reinforcements, maybe he bribed someone into breaking a few rules. The higher ups at the agency have already let Saeyoung go, even if it hadn’t gone all _that_ smoothly, but Saeyoung knows to never take things for granted in this field.

Saeyoung quickly checks the security feed on his laptop, and is relieved to see that it _is_ Vanderwood. Well, as relieved as one can be when still not being sure of whether he’ll come out of this alive or not. While still being cautious and alert, Saeyoung slowly opens the door, and stands face to face with Vanderwood for the first time in weeks.

“I didn’t bring anyone else,” Vanderwood says immediately as he walks past Saeyoung inside, and makes a point of it by shutting the door behind him.

He’s got his hair up in a messy bun which looks like it _was_ neat at first, but he’s probably been on the move for a while. Even so, he’s still wearing his normal, black outfit as he does whenever they’re out on missions, except he’s missing the jacket. It could be because it’s easier for him to move around that way, which is why Saeyoung still stays on his watch even though Vanderwood seems composed right now.

“I assume you know why I wanted you to come here.”

Vanderwood glares at Saeyoung. “Yeah, I do. What the fuck, 707? What made you go soft? Or _who_?”

Saeyoung leans against one of the chairs by the table, and he sighs. “I think you know why. I want out, because I don’t want to get anyone hurt again. If I stay when I don’t need to, I might end up causing unnecessary damage.”

“This isn’t just because of your brother, though.”

His heart skips a beat as an image of Hyun flashes across his mind for a very short moment. It isn’t as if he’d planned on hiding things from or lying to Vanderwood, because he knows that’s impossible after all the years they’ve spent working so closely together. As little as Vanderwood knows about his past, Vanderwood probably still knows more about Saeyoung than many others do. Than _Hyun_ does, even.

“No,” he admits. “It’s not just for him; it’s for other people, too. And myself. I’m tired of this, Vanderwood. I was never cut out for it to begin with.”

Vanderwood scoffs, and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, says the guy who’s the best hacker in the goddamn country.”

“I _had_ to become that,” Saeyoung argues. “I had to make enough money to go save my brother. It was all I could do to save him, to give us both freedom.”

“So why’d you stick with it so long?”

Saeyoung doesn’t even know the answer to that question himself. At first, he’d told himself he’d started liking this job, working in a field where he’d get an adrenaline rush from knowing he’d barely just dodged a bullet that was aimed at his head. But to be honest with himself, Saeyoung’s never once liked this job. He’s done it because that’s what he had to do, and at some point, the original reason as to why he was with the agency was nearly forgotten by himself. What if he hadn’t let himself forget? What if he’d stayed on the same track, gone to find his brother, stopped Mint Eye before they became as big and powerful as they were when Saeran was rescued?

“I think it was because I felt guilty,” Saeyoung says. “I didn’t wanna leave you behind because I still owe you a lot after all these years. Staying with the agency was my way of trying to repay the favour.”

“I didn’t do it for _you_ ,” Vanderwood replies with a humourless laugh. “I did it because it would be inconvenient to have your ass die on me during a mission. And I sure as hell wasn’t gonna let you miss a deadline, either, because that would mean _my_ ass would be on the line, too.”

It comes to Saeyoung’s realisation that he and Vanderwood have yet to draw a weapon. Even if the mood isn’t necessarily hostile right now, you can never be too sure. Vanderwood may have been sent to the cabin to kill Saeyoung, and maybe some of the higher ups in the agency went corrupt and want him dead before he gets to leave his job. In his line of work, anything goes. Anything one can come up with is very much a possibility, and it’s something Saeyoung has stopped being afraid of a long time ago.

“So?” Vanderwood continues. “I know that's not all of it. What’s the _entire_ reason I’m here?”

Saeyoung reaches for the folder on the table by his laptop, and tosses it over to Vanderwood. It contains everything Saeyoung has been working tirelessly on gathering ever since he came to the cabin, everything he needs to obtain freedom, everything _Vanderwood_ needs for the same reason. It’s the best Saeyoung can do, and while he’s pretty sure this is an offer Vanderwood can’t refuse, he also doesn’t know if Vanderwood’s still very much the agency’s puppet, or if he’s managed to cut at least _some_ strings loose from himself.

Vanderwood’s true feelings and thoughts of him may never come to light, but at least Saeyoung wants to see his partner off in the most peaceful way he can. All he knows is that they won’t ever be able to see each other again once this is over, no matter how their partnership ends.

Vanderwood opens and looks through the folder, his facial expression remaining completely blank the entire time. Saeyoung holds his breath, doesn’t know what to say or what to think. He clenches his fist to prevent himself from drumming his fingers against the table, which is something he often does when he’s restless or nervous. A bad habit Vanderwood has _always_ hated, as someone who’s greatly disturbed by the smallest of sounds and always has a pair of earplugs with him wherever he goes.

“Why’d you do this?” Vanderwood finally asks, closing the folder.

Saeyoung frowns. “Because I know it’s something you need. Even if you might wanna deny it.”

“You’ve always been a weird guy, Seven,” Vanderwood says, and then he laughs a little. “I never understood you, your intentions, the way you think. And the same goes for this thing you’re doing for someone who never treated you with respect. I really don’t get you.”

“You don’t have to. Just take it. It’s just a favour from a guy who doesn’t want anything in return.”

Vanderwood lets his eyes fall on the front of the folder again, and he sighs ever so lightly. Saeyoung thinks he might see the tiniest hint of a smile on Vanderwood’s face, but maybe that’s just wishful thinking. “Fine. It’s a weird way of trying to repay favours, though.”

“You _did_ say I’ve always been a weird guy.”

Saeyoung’s now former partner turns around toward the door. He puts his hand on the handle, but he doesn’t immediately turn it. Instead, he turns his head to the side.

“Don’t go getting yourself killed now that you don’t have the protection of the intelligence agency, 707.”

Saeyoung smiles. “Likewise, Vanderwood.”

Vanderwood finally opens the door, and when he’s walked outside and closed it behind him, Saeyoung goes up to lock it. And as silence once again settles in the cabin and Saeyoung has absolutely made sure Vanderwood won’t ever come back, he sinks down into the couch with a long sigh.

It’s been a long climb uphill, but now that he’s reached the top, Saeyoung can finally start making his way down again. And at least that won’t take as long, and won’t be nearly as strenuous.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeyoung comes back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many apologies for the delay; life (and internet problems...) got in the way of me finishing this update earlier like I would have wanted to. I would also like to take the opportunity to say a huge thank you to everyone who's left super incredibly nice comments on this fic so far, way more than I could've ever hoped for. Thank you. ❤
> 
> And now we're on the home-stretch!

_Saeyoung_.

 

As much as he’s been yearning it, freedom does feel weird at first. Saeyoung feels like he’s a bird who’s just been let out of his cage for the first time, and he’s not sure if he wants to leave quite yet. Maybe there’s danger outside, no matter what people told him before, even if they said it wouldn’t be. The agency can’t chase him down now that they’ve actually let him go, since that could get them in legal trouble, and being an intelligence agency that works underground for the most part, that would obviously be the worst outcome for them.

So Saeyoung _knows_ he’s safe from them, and he’s sure Vanderwood’s now long gone even though they’d met just yesterday. Even so, it does feel a little odd being able to just drive his car all the way back to the house not having to worry about looking in the rear-view mirror too much.

He wonders what Vanderwood’s going to do now, with the freedom Saeyoung had essentially granted him. Unlike Saeyoung, Vanderwood hasn’t been permitted to leave the agency, and they’re sure to try and track him down now. But Saeyoung’s confident that all of the research, hacking and data-trespassing he’s done will mean Vanderwood can’t be touched by the agency. He _was_ the best hacker in the country for a reason, and for once, he chooses to believe in his skills, and that they’ll save instead of risk lives.

His phone hasn’t been turned on in ages, and the sim-card is still taped to the back of it. As he’s sitting in traffic waiting to move forward, he inserts said card into the phone again, and turns it on. If he’d been a normal person who up until just recently hadn’t been working as a secret agent, he’d probably be offended at the lack of messages and missed calls he has. In a way it does kind of hurt, though, because it means they’ve gotten used to this, and they know they can’t reach him no matter what they do. But things will be different from now on, and that’s what Saeyoung’s looking forward to the most.

As traffic finally starts moving again, Saeyoung calls his brother and turns on speaker phone. One thing about Saeran is that Saeyoung never knows what reaction he’s going to get. Is Saeran going to be happy now when he’s calling out of the blue? Is he going to be mad that Saeyoung _is_ just calling out of the blue?

He doesn’t have much time to think about it before Saeran picks up, and Saeyoung suddenly feels nervous.

“ _Hello?_ ”

“Hey,” Saeyoung replies, knowing full well how nonchalant it sounds, but not knowing how else to greet his brother after all this time.

“ _Saeyoung?_ ”

“Yeah. I’m… coming home. On my way right now, actually.”

Slight pause. “ _Everything okay?_ ”

He raises his eyebrows slightly. “Yeah. I left.”

Then there are a few seconds of silence that follow again, more now than before, during which Saeyoung more than before wonders just what Saeran’s going to say, how he’s going to react. The time they’ve been apart now is nothing compared to when Saeyoung first joined the agency, and Saeran had gotten roped into Mint Eye, up until they finally reunited and Saeran was rehabilitated. Even so, being apart from his twin _again_ has been hard on Saeyoung, and he knows it wasn’t easy for Saeran, either.

“ _I’m glad it’s over_.”

This time, Saeyoung smiles to himself. “Me too. See you soon.”

“ _… Yeah. Yeah, see you soon._ ”

Saeyoung wants to hurry back home. All he can think about is seeing his brother, never having to be separated from him again. He’s finally managed to get rid of all the obstacles in the way, and now they’re free to live their lives however they want. _Freely_. It’s scary, but also exciting, knowing he’s got all this freedom all to himself now. Not having someone ordering him around, telling him what to do, not to mention not having a deadline to meet. He wonders if maybe he’ll feel empty without having so much to do and not having things around him be hectic all the time.

It’s certainly going to take time getting used to not working for the intelligence agency anymore, but it’s something Saeyoung doesn’t mind. Something so trivial and simple as a normal sleep schedule is something he’s looking forward to achieving hopefully soon.

Saeyoung drives the forty-minute drive back to his house, parking in the garage among his other cars. Out of habit, he checks his car for any kind of tracking device, but quickly realises it doesn’t matter because the agency knows where he lives, anyway. And even if they do, they can’t come after him for legal reasons, which now serve as Saeyoung’s new protection. It’s a bit ironic to finally be protected by the law rather than an intelligence agency who mostly _disregarded_ the law. Now he’s under the protection of Korea’s law system just like any other person in the country.

He doesn’t even make it up to the front door before it opens and Saeran comes out to greet him. Saeyoung barely manages to hold back the tears as Saeran practically attack-hugs him, a hug that makes him stumble a step backwards.

“Welcome home,” Saeran says, and Saeyoung grins from ear to ear at the sound of his brother’s relieved voice.

“Thanks.”

 

* * *

 

 

Saeyoung wakes up not knowing for how long he’s been asleep, and it doesn’t make it better that it’s dark outside. Shortly after waking up and confirming where he actually is, Saeyoung finds out that it’s about five, and Saeran’s either on his way home right now, or he’s heading to Yoosung’s after work.

Loneliness quickly reminds itself of its presence, and Saeyoung grabs his phone to call Hyun. His finger hovers above Hyun’s name, but Saeyoung freezes, and realises it’s been weeks since he last talked to Hyun. What if Hyun doesn’t want to see him again? What if he’s angry that Saeyoung just up and left without more than a short message on Hyun’s phone? Does Hyun know the _entire_ reason as to why Saeyoung had to leave?

Saeyoung can’t help but wonder just how much Jumin has let the others know; Jumin often tends to withhold information if he deems it to be better that they _don’t_ know. And maybe that’s the case this time, too.

Instead of calling Hyun, Saeyoung calls his brother. It’s probably a wiser decision in more ways than one, because he feels like he could very much make things worse between him and Hyun given this weird state he’s in right now.

“ _Yeah?_ ”

“Hey,” he says. “You with Yoosung?”

“ _No, I’m on my way home. Was gonna get takeout, what do you want?_ ”

Saeyoung suddenly realises he still doesn’t know what _day_ it is, even if he’s confirmed what time of day it is. But since Saeran’s on his way home and is in the mood for takeout, it’s probably Friday. He quickly looks at his phone and finds out that yes, it _is_ Friday.

“Pizza. With lots of meat and as little vegetables as possible.”

Saeran huffs a light laugh on the other end of the line. “ _Do you want me to ask them to leave out the tomato sauce? Tomatoes are vegetables, you know_.”

“Actually, the tomato is a fruit; people just call it a vegetable because it’s apparently weird to put fruit in food. But no, I’ll allow it.”

Saeyoung hangs up, and he sighs. He knows he needs to talk to Hyun sooner rather than later, but he has to figure out just what to say and _how_ to say it so he doesn’t make things worse. He has a history of saying things he doesn’t mean when he gets annoyed or angry, and he fears that might happen as a response to Hyun most _definitely_ lashing out at him first. He has all the right to do so, because Saeyoung could’ve handled things a lot better than he did, but that still doesn’t mean Saeyoung won’t think he’s got the right to defend himself.

But for now, Saeyoung spends the rest of his evening with his brother as company, and the two catch up on everything that’s happened these past weeks.

“Are you _sure_ Vanderwood won’t come after you? Or the agency?”

“Absolutely sure,” Saeyoung responds. “Vanderwood has no interest in me, he’s just thinking about what’s best for himself. And I can’t blame him, because that’s what I did, too. As for the agency, if they try to come after me now that I’ve gotten their permission to leave, I can just call the police on them.”

Saeran frowns lightly, not looking too satisfied with his brother’s answer to his question. He looks down, fidgets with his fingers; a habit he’s had since he was a little kid that breaks out whenever he’s nervous. Saeyoung can’t blame him; they’ve been through far more than they probably deserve throughout their entire life, and Saeyoung’s sure his twin is as tired of this as he is.

“I just want to make sure.”

“I know,” Saeyoung says. “And I _am_ sure. We’re okay now.”

This time, Saeran sighs, and he seems to relax a little. It’s going to take them both some time to get used to this newfound freedom of theirs, among many other things that came with Saeyoung quitting his job. At the same time, Saeyoung can’t get _too_ used to it since he still does want to work, or he knows he’ll quickly start to lose his mind not having anything to do all day. Having worked such a strict and hectic schedule for most of his life, it won’t take long before he starts getting restless.

The thing is, Saeyoung’s never had to look for a job before, seeing how he was practically pushed into the intelligence agency when he was barely fifteen. Now, eight years later, he’s thrown himself out of it all only to have to do something that’s considered normal for most people, but is something that’s completely foreign to him.

He allows himself one day to properly land and take everything in, but the second day he’s free from the agency, Saeyoung finally makes the decision to get in contact with Hyun. He’d considered just calling, but quickly realised it probably won’t make things better that way. At the very least they should see each other in person, so Saeyoung heads over to Hyun’s bunker-like house. He hasn’t been there in a long time, and just walking up to it makes his heart both beat faster with nervousness, but also swell with nostalgia.

Maybe Hyun isn’t home from work yet, but even if he isn’t, Saeyoung’s going to wait. He’s gotten too far and waited too long to just turn around and leave. And even if Hyun initially tells him to leave, Saeyoung’s going to fight for his right to stay there, because that’s where he wants to be. He can’t just try once, he has to _fight_. And if Hyun still doesn’t want him, that’s when Saeyoung will have to give up. It wasn’t that long ago that their roles were reversed and Hyun had been the one to be in a position similar to Saeyoung’s, and he wonders if maybe now that he’s been on both sides, he’s gotten a better perspective on things.

Saeyoung parks his car a bit away from Hyun’s house, just in case Hyun might see it and choose _not_ to come home for the night. Anything is possible at this point, Saeyoung thinks. He has no idea what’s been going on in Hyun’s life these past few weeks, and as much as he doesn’t want to think about it, his brain keeps telling him ‘ _what if Hyun has already met someone else_ ’. With Saeyoung’s usual luck, it’s certainly a possibility he can’t ignore no matter how hard he tries.

He sits down just outside Hyun’s house on the ground, leaning his back against the wall. It’s a little risky sitting there, considering the fact that Hyun has fans who could drop by and find him there. Maybe they’d even go so far as to call the police on him for suspicious behaviour, and if they did, it’d be difficult for Saeyoung to explain to the police that he’s been a friend of Hyun’s for years. He isn’t in the system, so they can’t look him up, and if they decide to talk to Hyun, who knows what he’d say? Saeyoung doesn’t want to believe Hyun would flat-out deny their friendship, but after how he’d just up and left Hyun like that, he almost wouldn’t blame Hyun for not wanting to know him anymore.

Out of the two, Hyun is less likely to give up on things in general, whereas Saeyoung might give it a shot before he decides it isn’t worth trying anymore. So maybe it’s something Saeyoung has picked up from Hyun over the years, because now he’s the one who wants to keep trying should it not work the first time around. To be fair, the first time had barely even had time to begin before Saeyoung left, but that gives Saeyoung all the more reason to keep trying to make things work, for once.

The faint noise of what sounds like a motorcycle wakes Saeyoung from his deep thoughts, but he doesn’t get up from where he’s sitting because he doesn’t trust his legs to keep him from collapsing immediately since they currently feel like overcooked noodles. It might not even _be_ Hyun, but the possibility that it might be is what makes Saeyoung nervous. He has no idea how Hyun’s going to react to seeing him after so many weeks of them not having been in any contact whatsoever; he doesn’t know whether Hyun’s going to welcome him back or tell him to leave.

As the sound grows louder, Saeyoung’s hopes, fears and suspicions are confirmed all at once, and when he sees the rider on a motorcycle he knows all too well go right by him, Saeyoung swallows hard, and he takes a deep breath. Soon, the motorcycle’s engine is turned off, and Saeyoung _wishes_ he could hear Hyun’s footsteps so he knows just how much longer he’s got to wait until they’re standing face to face again. Ever since the day he’d practically abandoned Hyun, Saeyoung has both dreaded and longed for the moment they’d reunite. And now, the moment is so close Saeyoung can practically touch it.

Hyun finally appears, but he doesn’t notice Saeyoung sitting outside his door at first, as he’s looking down at his feet where he walks. It’s a little dark out, too, but not so dark that Hyun wouldn’t be able to tell that Saeyoung’s right there in front of him. It’s only when he’s a few metres away that he looks up, and stops dead in his tracks at the sight of Saeyoung.

“Hey,” Saeyoung says sheepishly. “Been a while.”

Hyun raises an eyebrow. “You don’t say. What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you.”

He knows it isn’t reason enough, that he’ll have to explain himself further. It’s the main reason he’s here, after all—to explain himself and his actions to Hyun who deserves said explanation more than anyone else right now, considering how Saeyoung had just left him when their relationship had barely even had a chance to start.

So he takes a deep breath, and starts over. “I want to explain to you why I did what I did, and why it took so long for me to come back. If you would listen.”

Hyun regards him for a moment, probably considering Saeyoung’s words, and as he sighs, Saeyoung thinks he might see a hint of relief washing over his face for a split second. “Okay. Come inside instead, so we won’t have to sit out here and talk.”

 

* * *

 

 

When Saeyoung talks, Hyun doesn’t say a word. Instead, he sits and listens, occasionally reacts minimally with the change of his stoic facial expression. Saeyoung appreciates being allowed to talk until he’s finished, because now that he’s finally decided on telling Hyun everything without hiding anything or taking any shortcuts, he doesn’t want to stop talking until he’s gotten it all out there.

He tells Hyun about the intelligence agency’s strict policies, how he originally hadn’t been allowed to have any personal relationships and how that had been the reason why he’d had to cut off all contact with Saeran and everyone else he knew before joining. Saeyoung tells Hyun that he couldn’t tell Hyun everything when he left several weeks earlier, because it could potentially put Hyun’s life in danger. No matter how much Saeyoung would want to tell Hyun why he had to leave like that, he couldn’t, because he doesn’t want to risk people’s lives anymore.

Saeyoung also tells Hyun about Vanderwood, the former partner whose name Saeyoung had borrowed to create the ‘Mary Vanderwood the 3rd’ alias, and how he’d been the one to give Vanderwood the freedom he’d probably wanted for so long but never attempted to seek.

“I’m surprised he didn’t come after you,” Hyun finally says when Saeyoung gets quiet.

Saeyoung smiles bitterly, and shakes his head. “It would’ve been inconvenient for him if I died, even now as we’ve parted our ways. It would be far too risky if he killed me, because try as he might, people would eventually trace it back to the agency, and they could in turn easily deduce it was Vanderwood’s doing. And with all the work I’d put into getting him all those papers he needed to be free, I’m sure he wasn’t willing to risk it, either.”

Did Vanderwood like him? Probably not. But was it the other way around, then? Saeyoung can’t say for sure. For as long as the two worked together, not to mention how closely they worked, Vanderwood’s true intentions were always a mystery to Saeyoung. Neither of them even knew the other’s real name, but that was always for the best just in case one of them went corrupt or tried to go against the intelligence agency. Sometimes it’d been tough to keep everything to himself, but Saeyoung somehow made it work for so many years, and not even as they parted did he have the chance to tell Vanderwood about who he really is.

Hyun frowns down at his hands in his lap, and then he hesitantly reaches forward to take Saeyoung’s hand in his. “I’m sorry. I got upset and started assuming things when I had no idea.”

“I don’t blame you,” Saeyoung responds quickly. “I could’ve handled things better, told you I had some things to take care of before I could come back to you.”

“No, I understand you. Well… sort of. It couldn’t have been easy to live under those conditions for so long, and it isn’t surprising if some of those things are still deeply engraved in your everyday life.”

Saeyoung manages a little laugh. “I don’t deserve you being so understanding after what I did.”

“That’s not what this is about. Yeah, we both screwed up—but we’re here now. You’re here. You’re… you’re back. And that’s all I’ve wanted ever since you left.”

Saeyoung tightens his grip on Hyun’s hand, and he bites his lower lip, exhaling through his nose, but then he smiles again. “I really missed you.”

Hyun lets go of his hand, only to throw his arms around Saeyoung’s neck, and they both fall down on the couch where they’ve been sitting for the past half hour or so. Saeyoung puts his hand on the back of Hyun’s head, and he sighs in relief.

“I missed you, too.” A slight pause, a tightened embrace. “Welcome home, Saeyoung.”

Saeyoung sobs, he _sobs_ , and he buries his face into the fabric of Hyun’s sweater. “Yeah. I’m… I’m home now.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyun has a change of heart, possibly 'inspired' by Saeyoung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay- life gets in the way a lot these days and prevents me from writing as much as I would like to. But here it is, at last! There will be one more main chapter after this, followed by an epilogue.

_Hyun_.

 

He didn’t want to be naïve and think things would be drastically different already the next day. But when he actually wakes up next to Saeyoung, Hyun can’t help but wonder if maybe some things _are_ different, after all. He knows he shouldn’t be completely trusting just yet, since things might still change back in the next day or so until they’ve gotten used to each other again. Even so, Hyun can’t help but smile at the sight of Saeyoung still asleep in his bed, and he scoots closer to pull Saeyoung into his embrace.

Never in his wildest dreams would he have thought he’d be this close to someone like Saeyoung. Being able to run his fingers through Saeyoung’s red locks, feeling his heartbeat and breathing—something that probably sounds trivial to others means a lot to Hyun. Saeyoung is a person who initially never wanted anyone to get close to him since they could get hurt, and as much as it hurts to admit it, Hyun knows it was probably true for a longer period of Saeyoung’s life.

And even though they both know things have changed now, Hyun still thinks it must take a lot more courage than he can imagine for Saeyoung to stay in place like this, to be with Hyun like this, without wanting to run away because it would be safer for Hyun if they weren’t together.

Hyun runs the tip of his finger along Saeyoung’s skin, and while it’s smooth at first, he soon comes across scars on Saeyoung’s arms. Some look like slashes, some look like scars you’d get from being shot, and the realisation hits Hyun so hard he finds it difficult to breathe for a second. Yes, he knows Saeyoung’s worked as a secret agent up until now, but he’s never known exactly what Saeyoung does besides sit in front of a computer to hack into some organisation or company, or he’s dressing up as women with various wigs to infiltrate some place.

The thought of seeing Saeyoung getting shot sends a shiver down Hyun’s spine, and he wonders just how Vanderwood managed to do it for so long. Even if Saeyoung’s apparently the best hacker in Korea, he’s also just a human being who’s bound to make a mistake or two during his years as a secret agent, and the evidence of his missteps are right in front of Hyun’s eyes, beneath his fingertips.

Saeyoung stirs a little in his sleep, and Hyun looks down at him to see that he’s frowning a little before letting out a soft groan, and opening his eyes.

“Hey,” he says, still squinting. “What time is it?”

Hyun shrugs. “No idea.”

“You don’t gotta work?”

“Nah. Not today.”

Saeyoung smiles a little. “Bet you’re just skipping, huh.”

“Maybe.”

It’s half true; he’s more than welcome to attend today’s practice, but he isn’t essential right now as he knows his lines and dance moves more than some of the others who are actually required to come in today. Many people he works with tend to call him a workaholic, but it’s on days like these when he wishes he could stick his tongue out at them and say that all of his hard work was worth it. Because it gave him a day off where he can essentially do nothing but stay in bed with Saeyoung.

“We should probably eat breakfast,” Hyun says. “What do you want? I’m going out to get us something.”

Before he has a chance to get out of bed, though, Saeyoung grabs his arm and pulls him back down again. “Stay. No rush today.”

Hyun raises an eyebrow. “Didn’t take you for a cuddly person.”

“Really? I’m hurt. For your information, I’m actually cuddle-deprived. Help me fix that.”

Those specific words make Hyun overthink a little, think about how Saeyoung’s probably been very lonely these past few weeks when he’s had to hide and stay out of touch with everyone around him to keep them safe. Anyone would probably be deprived of physical closeness after something like that, even Saeyoung who up until just a few months ago didn’t want anyone to come near him.

But he lies back down again as Saeyoung tells him to, not being able to keep back a giggle when Saeyoung sighs happily. They’re probably gross right now, and it’s a good thing it’s just them and no one else around. But Hyun thinks they’re allowed to have this after all they’ve gone through these past few months, not just these recent weeks Saeyoung’s spent in hiding. Slowly but surely, things will go back to normal, but something Hyun wishes never becomes normal is what he’s sharing with Saeyoung right now. If it becomes normal, it won’t feel as special anymore, and since most of his days consist of practically the same thing, Hyun wants something that feels special, even if that just means cuddling in bed in the morning.

They spend a little time just talking about whatever comes to mind, learning a few things about each other they hadn’t known before like little quirks, habits and other parts of their personalities they’ve kept hidden on purpose or just never thought about sharing before. Hyun learns that Saeyoung apparently used to play the guitar a few years back; self-taught in the time he had between missions, but as time went on and his workload got bigger, Saeyoung eventually stopped, and now his guitar is stashed in a closet somewhere in his house.

“You should pick it up again,” Hyun suggests. “You can play guitar and I sing along. It’d be a good combination.”

Saeyoung laughs. “It would. Well, now that I’ve got a lot of time on my hands, that sounds like a good way to spend whatever time I’ll have over.”

“Have you thought about what you want to do in terms of work? Or is it too soon?”

“I haven’t,” Saeyoung confesses. “Right now, I’m just thinking I want to take things as they come. But at the same time, I don’t wanna fall into a rut where I keep putting things off, either. Eventually, not having a job is going to start driving me up the walls, so I _do_ have to figure something out eventually.”

The first thought that comes to Hyun’s mind isn’t a pleasant one, and Saeyoung probably notices that on his expression, because Saeyoung raises his eyebrows quizzically, and props himself up on his elbows in bed.

“What?”

Hyun grimaces. “I hate to admit that the first thing I thought of was that you could ask Jumin if he’s got anything available at C&R. I don’t really know what they do there, but it’s a start. Or you could ask Jaehee if it’s worth the risk.”

“Ha,” Saeyoung replies, smiling a little. “Well, it’s not a bad idea. If anything, it could just be a temporary job until I figure out something else. Or I might wanna stay there, who knows.”

Apparently Jumin’s company was a good suggestion, who would’ve thought. Well, as much as Hyun wants to think C&R is probably the worst place on earth to work at, Saeyoung’s previous workplace was most definitely a lot worse, in many ways.

They finally get out of bed to get a shower and put some clothes on, and then the two head out to a diner down the street for a late breakfast, or what’s really more of a lunch at this point. It’s strange, because after all the years they’ve known each other, this might just be the first time they’re doing something like this. Something as simple as having lunch out together. It’s nice, and as much as Hyun liked just lying in bed with Saeyoung talking, he enjoys this a lot, too.

“You know,” Saeyoung says, reaching a hand up to tip down Hyun’s sunglasses a little, “I think you’re enjoying this a whole lot more than you’re complaining about it.”

Hyun sighs. “It’s a struggle between wanting to show off my natural beauty and just wanting to have a normal lunch without being interrupted.”

Saeyoung rolls his eyes, and he snorts. “Yeah, okay. It’s fine, they suit you, anyway.” He lets his gaze sweep across the diner before he continues. “What if someone _does_ recognise you, though, and you’re sitting here with me?”

“It’s fine,” Hyun shrugs. “They wouldn’t suspect anything, because they all think I’m a ladies’ man, anyway.”

“ _Think_?”

Hyun lowers his sunglasses further, raising an eyebrow, and looking at Saeyoung. “I think we both know very well that I’m not.”

He snickers when Saeyoung averts his gaze and his cheeks change in colour ever so slightly.

Hyun doesn’t know where the two of them stand, what exactly their relationship is right now. The last thing he wants is to pressure Saeyoung into making a decision he’ll soon regret, and knowing how easy it is for Saeyoung to get cold feet, Hyun chooses to keep his mouth shut for now. Unless a situation arises that requires him to bring up the subject, he won’t say anything. It doesn’t really bother him, at least not yet, so it would be unnecessary to say something about it.

“Hyun?”

He realises a little too late that he’s been staring out into nothing, and when Saeyoung calls his name, he shakes his thoughts off and faces Saeyoung again.

“Yeah?”

“You okay?”

He smiles. Another time, another day. “Yeah. Come on, let’s go take a walk.”

“A walk?”

“Right, you don’t do that very often, huh,” Hyun jokes, and Saeyoung sticks his tongue out at him. “It’s a nice day out today, and I want to take advantage of it. Please? You get to choose what we do next time.”

Saeyoung hums. “So there’ll be a next time?”

“Of course.”

 

* * *

 

The cold and rainy weather does the exact opposite of motivating Hyun to go back to work, but he does so anyway, despite his many sighs and grunts. He definitely doesn’t feel as beautiful riding his motorcycle while wearing several layers of clothes and a pair of gloves as well, and this is one of the reasons why Hyun can’t wait for spring to roll around. Unfortunately, he’ll have to wait a few more months for that to happen since it’s not even December yet.

“At least there’s no snow here,” Hyun tries telling himself, but the clattering teeth and his disgruntled voice kind of defeats the purpose of him attempting to cheer himself up.

Despite the weather and everyone initially being in a pretty sour mood because of it, practice goes off pretty much without a hitch that day. It isn’t often Hyun ends up working with someone he doesn’t get along with, and thankfully that hasn’t happened for this tour, either. Even so, he never stops being thankful for having cooperative and kind actors to work with. What matters to him more than anything is that he enjoys working with people, and the fact that maybe they aren’t the best at singing, dancing or remembering their lines comes second.

Sometimes, Hyun thinks about going into a different branch, not just occasionally but completely. Has he gotten tired of musicals? A little, admittedly, and it’s a _difficult_ thing for him to admit. Being in musicals has been what he’s wanted to do for so long, almost all his life, so he feels almost guilty for wanting to go off that path to pursue something else now.

Hyun owes so much to the people in the musical branch of the entertainment industry—people who supported him, helped him back up when he fell, showed him new doors he could open—so he’d feel like he’d either be abandoning them, or at least letting them down. For now, it’s just a thought that comes back every now and then, but it does get more persistent as time goes on. He’s turned down so many casting offers for feature films that maybe he could’ve gone into film completely a long time ago if he’d wanted to, but then he’s held back by both guilt and the inability to decide on whether or not he’s brave enough to take the step.

“Did God Seven influence you, perhaps? Maybe my newfound freedom is knocking on your door?”

Hyun snorts, and rolls his eyes. “Don’t get too full of yourself, ‘God Seven’. I’ve thought about it on and off for a while. I guess I’m just… too scared to retire from musicals.”

“Well, if you still like being in musicals, then maybe it’s not time yet. But on the other hand, if it _is_ something you keep coming back to, maybe you’ve just gotta sit down and really think about it.”

Hyun raises his eyebrows, a little impressed. “Wow. I didn’t think you had a single word of wisdom in your vocabulary.”

“Hey, that’s mean; I’ve got my moments. Quite often, too! Give me your hair tie.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he sighs, reaching behind him to give Saeyoung the hair tie he’s had around his wrist. Saeyoung finishes the braid, and Hyun takes it in his hand to inspect Saeyoung’s handiwork. “Not too bad.”

“You keep sounding surprised at my words and actions,” Saeyoung complains. “I really need to step up my game here.”

Saeyoung places his hands on both sides of Hyun’s head, gently tipping it backwards and leaning forward to let their lips meet in a kiss. It’s a little awkward, but Hyun reciprocates nevertheless, and his heart jumps when he feels Saeyoung smile against his lips.

“Mmm, I’d say there’s no need for that. At least regarding your actions,” Hyun murmurs as Saeyoung’s still lingering close, almost as if he’s considering leaning in once more, but in the end, that’s where he chooses to leave it, and then he finally pulls back and stands back up. It doesn’t matter if he’s ‘Mary’ or if he’s Saeyoung, he’s always a tease, Hyun concludes as he sighs quietly and smiles to himself.

It’s a bit relieving to have vented his thoughts to Saeyoung, to at least let someone know what he might want to do, or at least what he’s heavily considering. Saeyoung might not say it outright, but Hyun senses that Saeyoung just wants him to be happy with what he chooses to do for a living. For someone who’s been working with something he was forced to do for most of his life, it makes sense for Saeyoung to feel like this, for him to be adamant about Hyun making sure it’s what he wants to do. It isn’t that Hyun’s unhappy mostly working with musicals, but he feels like his feelings are slowly starting to shift towards something else.

The more they spend time together, the more often Saeyoung ends up spending the night at Hyun’s place. Soon enough, it isn’t too uncommon for Hyun to come home and find Saeyoung either in the kitchen or the living room of his house, and it’s really nice to come home to after a day full of rehearsing or nothing but shows. In less than a week, they go on another tour around the country with a musical Hyun has really enjoyed being a part of. Even so, as he _has_ been thinking more and more about a career shift, he’s probably not enjoying himself as much as he otherwise would have.

 

* * *

 

It feels like it’s been forever since Hyun saw Jaehee, so when the two finally meet up for coffee and Hyun sits across from her, he’s hit by a wave of guilt. Of course, Jaehee is as understanding as she’s ever been, and she swats away his attempts at apologising with a little smile.

“Life’s been a little weird for all of us lately, I’d say,” Jaehee says. “Well, not like mine normally _isn’t_ , but you know what I mean.”

Hyun raises an unimpressed eyebrow. “The jerk pushing you hard as always?”

“Well, I do work for one of the most powerful men in the country, so I’d say working hard would be a given. But things have certainly changed, and I don’t work as hard as I used to. He even gives me days off every once in a while.”

“He doesn’t,” Hyun gasps with light sarcasm. “Well, at least things are getting better. I just can’t believe you’re still willing to work for him.”

Jaehee shrugs, and she takes a sip of her coffee before talking. “It’s a job I feel confident doing. And maybe that’s because I’ve worked for Mr. Han for so long, but… I guess I’m still too scared to take a chance at doing anything else. It takes a certain brand of courage I have yet to acquire for myself.”

Hyun hums, considers her words. If there’s something he’d describe Jaehee as, it’s ‘strong’. She’s incredibly strong-willed, independent, and has her heart in the right place. But at the same time, now that Jaehee’s made him think more deeply about it, he has to admit to himself that she doesn’t have the best self-confidence. He even sort of recognises himself in her sometimes, in the way that he fears feeling inadequate doing something he originally thought himself to be _good_ at.

“You and Saeyoung seem to be doing well,” she continues before Hyun has a chance to say anything. “You both seem happier, and it’s nice to see.”

Hyun scratches his chin awkwardly, smiling a little. “Yeah, I guess we are. I know he’s happy to have gotten away from the agency, too, but he’s getting restless not having anything to do during the day.”

“I noticed that, too. At least he’s considering your suggestion to talk to Mr. Han. Trust me when I say this, because as much as I _could_ be biased after all this time, I’m not. But I think Saeyoung could definitely be happy working at C &R, whatever job position Mr. Han could find for him.”

“You’d be okay with having Saeyoung as a colleague?”

Jaehee laughs. “I may say he’s a jokester and a bit of an annoyance at times, but… I know Saeyoung is clever, a hard worker, and that he’s loyal. Maybe _too_ loyal. I don’t think it would be too bad working alongside him.”

It’s strange trying to imagine such a scenario, where Saeyoung, Jaehee _and_ Jumin all work at C &R. It’s definitely a very big change from the intelligence agency, however, and it’ll undoubtedly be a _good_ change, at least in comparison. No matter how little Hyun may get along with Jumin and how often he reminds Jumin of the fact that he’s a jerk, Hyun thinks that C &R might be a good place for Saeyoung to work, especially surrounded by people he knows and trusts.

He also talks to Jaehee about his own thoughts of going into a different career branch, which she’s all in favour of. It was a little surprising for Hyun to hear, seeing how Jaehee’s always been a fan of him and going to see his musical performances; traditional films are obviously a lot different from musicals, and even he himself had been doubtful of being in more films than musicals. It isn’t something he’ll be able to give up completely, but after so long, Hyun finally feels like it’s time to take a step back for the foreseeable future.

So when this tour begins, it becomes Hyun’s last tour as a fulltime musical actor, and therefore it’s a lot more emotional for him. Many of the actors he works with support his decision, but there are some who are doubtful, who wonder if he’ll be as successful going into film.

Even so, Hyun is certain that this is what he wants to do. There are several people who have recently contacted him about starring in films of different genres, so it isn’t as if he’ll have to look around for jobs, thankfully. It’ll be good for him, he’s sure of it now that several people have supported him in what he wants to do. It’s very different from what he was used to growing up in a family who _never_ supported his dreams, but this is a good kind of different Hyun doesn’t mind getting used to.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeyoung confronts demons of his past, and makes a decision about his future.

_Saeyoung_.

 

During all of these years of knowing Hyun, Saeyoung has never been able to go see Hyun’s musicals as himself. As Saeyoung, and not as ‘Mary’, or some other disguise of his. It’s a little scary, but exciting, too, knowing he finally has the freedom to do basically whatever he wants. He has everything in his hands, and that’s what’s so scary about it. Once he has something in his possession, that also means he’s got something to lose.

His freedom, his brother, his friends, Hyun.

In reality, Saeyoung knows the possibility of anything happening anytime soon is very small—minimal, in fact—but sometimes his mind won’t give him a break and keeps reminding him of what once was. In time, he hopes things will get better for him like they did Saeran. They probably won’t ever completely be free from their past, but as long as it won’t weigh heavy on their shoulders, Saeyoung considers that good enough.

Watching Hyun perform what’s going to be his last musical as a regular musical actor feels… strange. Intimate, personal, and Saeyoung almost feels like most of the people watching shouldn’t be there. Like this is a performance only for those close to Hyun. And knowing that Saeyoung has become one of those people still feels a little surreal, and at times Saeyoung wants to deny himself that luxury, but Hyun keeps insisting on him ‘indulging’ in it.

Saeyoung never really saw himself as a guy who would enjoy musicals. His old self would scoff at it, say there’s too much singing, too much happiness and too many bright colours blinding him. Not something for a guy like him. But now, watching a musical in which Hyun is a leading actor, he finds himself really enjoying it. And maybe he’s biased, but he doesn’t care.

When the show finishes and the curtain has lowered, Saeyoung heads back to Hyun’s house. Hyun told him earlier they were going out for a beer (“just one, I promise”) as some sort of farewell party for Hyun, as well as a celebration of the last show. Hyun has worked with most of them in several musicals in the past, and Saeyoung can’t even imagine what Hyun must feel knowing he’ll from now on be in a neighbouring branch, and not seeing them as much anymore.

The whole thing with Hyun changing career path has stuck to Saeyoung’s mind stubbornly for the past few days, and now when he’s alone in Hyun’s house, it finally hits a high. Saeyoung takes his phone out of his pocket, and makes a call to Jumin. After so many years of having known Jumin, he knows Jumin won’t even be close to going to bed yet, even though it’s almost midnight. He might also be inebriated, but that only makes for a more fun conversation.

“ _Hello, this is Jumin Han_.”

“As formal as ever,” Saeyoung singsongs. “Are you having a pleasant evening, Mr. Han?”

Jumin sighs, and Saeyoung can almost _see_ Jumin pinch the bridge of his nose with a deep frown. “ _What do you want, Saeyoung?_ ”

“To talk! Is it so strange of me to just call out of the blue only for an innocent conversation?”

“ _It is_ ,” Jumin responds without a hint of hesitation. “ _And even if you did want to ‘just chat’, I do not have time nor interest in it since I have two more contracts to go through before I can go to bed_.”

Saeyoung laughs shortly before he gets serious, clearing his throat. “You’re right, I did call about something in particular. Remember that time you said you could find me a position at C&R should I ever quit my job? Well, I’m interested.”

He has no idea what kind of job he’d be doing at Jumin’s company, but it’d definitely be computer related since that’s what he’s good at. The pay will undoubtedly be good, and the work conditions can’t possibly get worse than what he’s had to live with for the majority of his life. And even if this doesn’t work out, at least Saeyoung can get out of this job without having to fear for his life. It’s strange for him to think that normal people don’t have to think about the things he does, and that at some point he’ll be in their shoes.

“ _Oh_ ,” Jumin says, sounding genuinely surprised. “ _Then let me arrange a meeting; you can come in and then discuss things with myself and assistant Kang, and then we should be able to work something out_.”

“Alright, that sounds great. Thanks, Jumin.”

“ _Sure. I will send you the details when I’m not buried in paperwork. Probably sometime tomorrow._ ”

Saeyoung laughs, and that just about marks the end of their relatively short conversation. To be fair, Jumin _was_ in the middle of work, still, and as much as Saeyoung might act like it, he doesn’t actually like to keep people from doing their job. He knows just how infuriating that can be himself, especially when being on a deadline.

He goes to flop down on Hyun’s bed, staring up at the ceiling with his phone still in his hand. Ever since he and Hyun started dating, more and more of Saeyoung’s things have started appearing around Hyun’s house, most notably in the bathroom and in one of Hyun’s bedroom drawers. Hyun’s offered him all the space he needs for his things, but Saeyoung doesn’t take up much space to begin with. Besides, he’d feel weird taking up too much space in a place he doesn’t even live. He just visits more than just every now and then, but even so, he can’t take the liberty of properly making himself at home.

Saeyoung’s thoughts are interrupted at the sound of the front door unlocking, and he sits up in bed again. Just hearing Hyun walk inside makes Saeyoung’s heartrate increase, and he shakes his head, smiling a little to himself. Will he _ever_ get used to the mere presence of Hyun as more than just his friend?

“’m home,” Hyun slurs as he walks inside, his steps uneven and a little heavier than usual. Soon enough, he shows up in the doorframe to the bedroom, and to support himself and probably prevent himself from falling, Hyun leans against said doorframe. “Did you miss me?”

“I saw you a couple of hours ago, Mr. Actor. I’ve been fine here.”

“Aw,” Hyun says, disappointed as he takes his dress shirt off. Something Saeyoung definitely appreciates. “What if I told you I missed _you_?”

Saeyoung rolls his eyes, smiling. “Wouldn’t be surprised.”

Hyun approaches the bed, moving to sit on top of Saeyoung with one leg on each side. He leans forward, placing his hands on the bed, and Saeyoung leans back. Eventually, he ends up lying down, and Hyun leans down to kiss him. A strong smell of alcohol hits Saeyoung, and he winces the second Hyun’s lips meet his. This is not how he wants things to go.

“Hyun—”

“I can’t help it that I’ve grown addicted to you. Maybe this is what people call the honeymoon phase?”

Saeyoung puts a hand up against Hyun’s chest, attempting to push him away. “Hyun, I need to use the bathroom.”

Not that he does, but the bathroom is a good excuse for him to escape. _Anything_ is at this point, where things can only get worse if he doesn’t get away from here right now.

“Wait,” Hyun whispers into Saeyoung’s ear. “I just… wanna be with you a little. You know?”

Now he knows the reason for his heartrate increasing earlier. Saeyoung’s instinct reacted way sooner than his brain could connect things, and now that things _are_ connecting for him, all he hears are alarms going off in his head.

 _I need to get out of here I need to leave I don’t wanna be here_ —

“Hyun, I can’t do this,” Saeyoung says, voice higher this time. “Please get off me.”

This time, Hyun actually pulls back, and he looks at Saeyoung with a confused look before he nods dumbly. “I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything bad, promise.”

“I know,” Saeyoung says, though his entire body is telling him otherwise. No, he _knows_ Hyun wouldn’t do anything to hurt him, but that still doesn’t mean he’s okay with what was happening up until just now.

Hyun gets off him, and Saeyoung sits up in bed. He hesitates, feeling bad for the way he reacted. “I should probably go home.”

When he stands up, Hyun takes his hand and hinders him from taking another step. “Wait, please don’t be mad at me. I didn’t mean to do anything bad to you.”

“I know,” Saeyoung says. “It’s… it’s not you. I promise. I just need a little time to think, but… I’ll call you.”

His chest aches a little at the sight of Hyun’s disappointment, but Hyun still tells him it’s okay. So Saeyoung leaves, walking back home in the middle of the night. The fresh, cold air of the night helps a little to clear his head, and he makes a mental note to call Hyun the next day. He’s going to _have_ to tell Hyun why he reacted the way he did, and he’d rather do it sooner than later. Things are different between them now, and Saeyoung doesn’t want to run away from Hyun like he may have wanted to in the past.

Twin telepathy might not actually be real, but it sure feels like it between Saeyoung and Saeran, as the latter seems to gather from just one look at his brother that now isn’t the time to talk or ask why Saeyoung’s coming home at this time of night. Saeyoung only has the energy to brush his teeth before he walks into his bedroom, almost immediately falling asleep upon his head hitting the pillow.

 

* * *

 

Saeyoung wakes up after what definitely must be too many hours of sleep, but he feels refreshed, like he was able to sleep on whatever happened the night before, process things, and wake up feeling a lot better. His brother isn’t up by the time Saeyoung’s gotten out of the shower and is about to make breakfast, so he ends up making enough for the both of them.

Saeran often ends up staying at Yoosung’s place overnight, and Yoosung is a much better cook than Saeyoung is, which he’s secretly envious of. He’s getting better, though, and he’s learning to like cooking, as well. If he’s to be completely honest with himself, he can’t remember the last time he had Honey Buddha crisps or Dr Pepper, and he figures that’s got to be _some_ sort of accomplishment. Hell, a mere bowl of rice is probably a lot better than that.

When he’s about done plating up, he hears dragged footsteps behind him, and then a yawn that makes him laugh.

“Mornin’. You made breakfast?”

“Who said there’s enough for you?”

Saeran snorts. “I can _see_. And I’m willing to bet you wouldn’t be able to finish all this even if you tried. Please don’t try eating it all by yourself.”

Of _course_ he had to add that last part. “Nah, I made sure there’s enough for you.”

The twins sit down by the kitchen table and eat in comfortable silence. He looks out the window, at the street which is very slowly starting to show signs of life, of other people living around them. He can’t wait for winter to be over, for warmer temperatures to arrive; it feels like it’s been far too long since he was able to walk around outside wearing just a t-shirt.

When he turns back to look down at his more than half-empty plate, he notices Saeran casting a glance his way, and he raises his eyebrows.

“What is it?”

“Can I ask what happened last night? You seemed pretty shook up, and I didn’t wanna ask.”

Saeyoung sighs through his nose, and he shrugs. “I… probably overreacted a little. Hyun came home drunk, and when he wanted to make out and probably… well, you know… I freaked out. I immediately thought of _her_ , and that’s why I ended up leaving.”

They haven’t talked about this in years. It’s a subject Saeyoung hoped they’d _never_ have to touch again, but at the same time, it’s very obvious that at least he needs to deal with it and get past whatever happened when they were both very young. He usually doesn’t want to believe the cliché stuff people say about these things, but when it comes to this certain matter, Saeyoung’s pretty certain they _have_ to talk about it in order to properly be able to move on with their lives.

“Did he… hurt you?” Saeran asks slowly, almost warily. Saeyoung shakes his head.

“No. It didn’t get very far, but I also don’t think Hyun would do such a thing, even if he was drunk.”

He wouldn’t say he has blind faith in Hyun, because god knows how long it’s taken him to be able to trust _anyone_ around him who wasn’t his own brother. Saeyoung has been through a lot, he’s seen his fair share of people unworthy of trust, and Hyun isn’t one of them. He may have parted with V on more than just bad terms, but one thing he has to be thankful to V for is his ability to spot dependable people he would end up recruiting to the RFA, people who would become Saeyoung’s closest friends.

“Okay,” Saeran responds, with the slightest hint of relief. “How did he take it when you left?”

“I think he was ashamed of himself, maybe he realised what he’d done. He doesn’t know everything about what she did, so there’s no way he would’ve known how I would react to him being like that near me.”

He almost wants to say that he shouldn’t even have reacted this strongly to it since the one who was most affected and hurt by their mother under the influence of alcohol was Saeran, but resists the urge since he knows that definitely won’t be of any help. Saeyoung most often got off scot-free, escaping in an attempt to make it better for the both of them, but later realising he should’ve done more to try and get Saeran away from it before anything. Even if it meant getting hurt in the process, Saeyoung wouldn’t have minded as long as it meant Saeran would’ve gotten away from it all.

“Then that’s good, I suppose. I mean, that he seemed to reflect on his behaviour and regret it. You _are_ going to talk to him about it, I’m assuming?”

“Yeah,” Saeyoung says, and nods. “I just needed a little time to process things, but I’m gonna call him today, and sort things out. I’m tired of having secrets from the people I care about; I don’t even _need_ to anymore.”

Saeran huffs, smiling. “We’ve come a long way, though. Even with stuff like that occasionally haunting us, you’ve gotta admit that.”

“I guess we have.”

 

* * *

 

His first thought is to maybe expect Hyun being angry with him after what happened the night before, but his second thought tells him that they’ve gotten past all that now, and that when it comes to Hyun, there’s no need to doubt. At the same time, Saeyoung doesn’t want to take Hyun’s seemingly infinite kindness for granted, since it’s bound to run out at some point for everyone, even him. There are a lot of things Saeyoung has to learn or re-learn since having quit his job and gotten out of that environment, and sometimes when he thinks about it, it gets a little overwhelming.

Saeyoung drives over to Hyun’s house with a knot in the pit of his stomach, but said knot completely disappears when Hyun opens the door and greets him with a smile.

“Hey,” Hyun says. “Come in.”

Doing as he’s told, Saeyoung kicks his shoes off in the hallway, and then follows Hyun into the living room. It’s probably just his brain overthinking things or trying to trick him into thinking about things the wrong way, but they’re a little quieter than usual as they go to sit down. Saeyoung doesn’t sense any hostility or in general negative emotion from Hyun, though, so he decides to try and trust his instinct. If he can do so while risking his life working for an underground organisation, he can definitely do so in interpersonal relationships.

Saeyoung fidgets with his hands in his lap, and chews on his lower lip as he tries to think of how to begin talking about something he hadn’t talked to anyone about up until the day before with his own brother. He takes a deep breath, and closes his eyes briefly as he prepares himself.

“I don’t assume you to know a lot about my past, because I haven’t told you much of it. But I reacted the way I did last night because it reminded me of how she… how my _mother_ was near-constantly drunk around myself and Saeran. Whenever she was drunk, she would hit us. Whenever she brought home men and she was drunk, they were, too. Hell, she didn’t even have to be drunk and the men would _still_ be.”

Hyun looks back at him with a frown, showing an expression of shock and anger, but he doesn’t say anything. Saeyoung once again appreciates being allowed to finish talking before Hyun might want to say something, because he feels like if he were to be interrupted, he wouldn’t want to pick up from where he left off once he’d be allowed to. The images he sees in his head as he talks are still as vivid as if he would’ve looked back on this even just a week after the last time he saw his mother, and it makes him shiver.

“They never got a chance to do anything to me and Saeran, because I would never let them. And then she would scold me or hit me for upsetting the guy of the night, for fighting back. I’ve never had a drop of alcohol in my entire life, and I’ve usually used my religion as the excuse for that, but the truth is that just catching the slightest whiff of something alcoholic makes me want to throw up because it reminds me of her.”

One of the reasons why Saeyoung hesitated in telling Hyun this is that he doesn’t want to guilt-trip Hyun into not drinking alcohol anymore. It’s Hyun’s own, free choice, and Saeyoung has no right to interfere with it. He knows he has to get over it because Hyun isn’t in the wrong for simply drinking alcohol, Saeyoung’s mother is at fault for traumatising him to the point where just smelling an alcoholic beverage makes him uncomfortable.

In the past, Saeyoung has blamed himself for not being able to save Saeran and himself from their situation, but he’s since learnt that there was probably nothing he could’ve done on his own, or even if it was just him and Saeran. And the fact that he couldn’t have done anything about it by himself is what upsets him the most.

“I don’t want you to stop drinking alcohol,” he says. “I want to get over this so that I can be with you even if you have had a drink. I know you wouldn’t do anything to me like those men would have if I hadn’t been able to defend Saeran and myself.”

Hyun takes his words in, and his expression changes to a sorrowful one as it all seems to sink in. He tentatively takes Saeyoung’s hands in his, rubbing his thumbs over the backs of them. “I don’t blame you for not having wanted to talk about this, but I’m grateful that you did. I know you say you don’t want me to stop drinking alcohol just because you told me this, but I want to at least drink less when I’m around you. Not because you told me this, but because I want to, because I care about you.”

“… Really?” is all Saeyoung can think of asking, and Hyun nods.

“Yeah. I know it’s annoying to hear people say they know how you feel, and while I actually don’t, I _do_ know what it’s like to have abusive parents, and the effect they have on you.”

Saeyoung feels bad, because this is something he’s known for a long time, yet it’s not something he’s really thought about in quite some time. Hyun grew up in an unhealthy environment just like the twins did, and it surprises Saeyoung how Hyun managed to come out of it like the person he is. How he managed to stay so humble, generous, kind and caring, after what his parents told him, how they treated him. Once again, Saeyoung’s reminded of how strong Hyun is, and it makes his heart ache with a weird sense of affection but also grief.

He smiles sadly, shaking his head. “I guess the more you’re alike, the better you’ll understand each other, huh.”

“Maybe, yeah. And… if you want to continue taking things slow, I don’t mind. Just tell me so.”

Saeyoung knew even before he walked inside Hyun’s house that taking things slow is something he’s gotten tired of. At the same time, rushing it isn’t on his wishlist, either. So he scoots forward on the couch to get closer to Hyun, and Hyun lets Saeyoung kiss him, but he doesn’t let go of Saeyoung’s hands.

 

* * *

 

It might be a little ironic that their second time having sex together is slower and more filled with emotions than their first. To be honest with himself, Saeyoung feels like they’re _making love_ more than having sex, but he feels like if he tells Hyun that, Hyun might cry. And while Saeyoung knows those would be tears of joy, he still wouldn’t want it to happen while they’re still making love, as sweet as it might sound.

Having had next to no sexual experience before Hyun, Saeyoung only now realises he prefers being on the receiving end more than the opposite. Not that he minds switching every now and then, of course, but having a preference isn’t something he’d previously considered.

Hyun leans down, slowly kissing Saeyoung, and then he lingers close to the point where their noses are touching. Saeyoung can feel Hyun’s nasal breaths fan across his face, and it tickles a little.

“Saeyoung,” Hyun says in a low voice, as if it’s a secret even though it’s just them. “I don’t wanna freak you out, but I love you. I really do.”

Saeyoung’s eyes widen as he looks up at Hyun, who looks back at him with an earnest expression. The sight is powerful enough to knock the air out of his lungs, and the love confession only amplifies the feeling. He’s known for a long time, despite many failed attempts at denying and forgetting it, but now he isn’t scared of admitting it, and saying it back.

“I love you too,” he replies. “Probably way before you realised your feelings.”

Hyun laughs, shaking his head before tilting his head up a little to plant a tiny kiss to Saeyoung’s nose. “A contest, really?”

“What can I say, I’m pretty competitive.”

He spends the night at Hyun’s place, and when he wakes up, he does so to breakfast in bed.

“How romantic of you to get takeout,” he says. Hyun sticks his tongue out at him.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never been this lazy before. Be glad I bought you breakfast.”

“I am, don’t worry,” Saeyoung laughs. His eyes fall on a bundle of papers neatly stacked and stapled together next to where Hyun sits on top of the bed, and he tilts his head to the side in curiosity. “What’s that?”

Hyun looks down, and lets out an _ah_ -sound. “I was sent a script yesterday, but I haven’t had a chance to read through it properly yet.”

“Wow,” Saeyoung says. “That was fast.”

“Yeah,” Hyun smiles. “The director told me he’s been impatiently waiting for the right opportunity to send this my way, and now was apparently a good time. It looks pretty interesting.”

Before Saeyoung has time to say anything else, his phone rings on the nightstand next to him, making him flinch. As he looks over, he sees Jumin’s name on the screen, and he raises his eyebrows.

“Oh. Better take this.”

Hyun looks over as well, and he gasps in offence. “You’re prioritising a call from _Jumin Han_?!”

Saeyoung rolls his eyes. “Yes, because it could mean I get a job. And I actually like the guy, unlike someone else I know.”

He picks up the phone before Hyun continues protesting, stifling a giggle. “Mr. Han, good morning.”

“ _Please stop calling me that_ ,” Jumin sighs. “ _I was calling to ask if you are free to come in for a meeting today. Are you?_ ”

 _Oh, speak of the devil_ , he thinks. Well, there’s very few other reasons Jumin could have for calling him so early in the morning.

“Oh. Yes, yes I am. What time can I show up? Is there a risk of your multitude of guards assaulting me by the main entrance?”

“ _Come over in an hour. I will tell my guards you are coming, even though they would not assault you unless I told them to. And Elizabeth is not here, so there is no reason for that, anyway_.”

“Alright,” Saeyoung says. “So if you hire me, will I _then_ be allowed to call you Mr. Han?”

Jumin hangs up almost as soon as the words are out of Saeyoung’s mouth, and it makes him laugh as he puts the phone away again.

“What’d he say?”

Saeyoung picks up a container of soup, peeling off the lid. He’s glad he isn’t wearing glasses right now, because the steam that immediately rises up from the container would’ve fogged up his glasses and made him unable to see for a few seconds. One of the reasons as to why he’s considered getting contacts more than once before. “I have a meeting with him in an hour. That’s basically it. He also told me there’s no risk of me being welcomed with a dropkick by one of his guards when I go in through the main entrance.”

Hyun snorts. “How generous of him.”

The two eat breakfast together, and Saeyoung takes a quick shower before Hyun lets him borrow his clothes as he hadn’t brought anything with him the night before.

“Might be a _little_ too big,” Hyun says teasingly. “But it should be fine.”

Saeyoung laughs sarcastically. “You’re not _that_ much taller than me. And I think I have a more muscular body than you.”

They say goodbye at the door, and then Saeyoung drives off to C&R’s building. It’s strange; he knows he should probably be nervous, but nervousness isn’t something he’s feeling even remotely right now. Maybe that’s because he knows that, even if this doesn’t work out, he won’t be inconvenienced like he would have if the salary at his previous job hadn’t been ridiculously high.

He doesn’t need a job _financially_ , but more for his sanity’s sake. People would probably say that if he wants a job for his sanity’s sake, Jumin’s company is a bad place to search for it in, but Saeyoung knows nothing can get worse than what he’s already experienced at the intelligence agency.

As Jumin promised, the guards don’t threaten to throw him out or dropkick him when Saeyoung walks in and announces why he’s there, and who he’s there to meet. He rides the lift all the way up to Jumin’s office, and barely hesitates before knocking on the door. Jaehee opens the door for him, welcoming him warmly, and as he walks further inside, he finds Jumin by his desk. As proper as ever.

“Thank you for coming,” Jumin says. “Well, since you already know why you are here, let us get right to it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is the epilogue!


	13. epilogue.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeyoung and Hyun's lives together continue to intertwine as their relationship deepens.

_Hyun_.

 

Hyun’s a romantic, he can admit to that without a single shred of shame. Does he believe in love at first sight? The answer is no. After all this time, Hyun has learnt what love actually means, and it is something that grows over time. To him, love isn’t something you feel at first sight, that’s what they call infatuation. To him, love means wanting the best for someone, caring for them, putting their needs above his own. To him, love spells out only one name.

“Saeyoung!”

A flurry of orange-red hair begins moving through the crowd, and Hyun starts seeing more and more of the person pushing through to get up to where he is. When Saeyoung finally comes up close, he jumps right into Hyun’s arms, locking his legs around Hyun’s waist.

“Missed you,” he says into Hyun’s jacket, his voice muffled by the fabric. “How was your flight?”

“It was okay. Too long, though, and I’m dreading the jetlag that I know is coming.”

Saeyoung jumps back down, and he grins. “I look forward to making your life a living hell until you readjust, then.”

Hyun picks up his bag again, and the two begin walking out of the airport. He’s been in California for three whole weeks shooting scenes for an upcoming thriller, and while he’s really enjoyed it, he’s also very glad to be back home. It’s going to be a while now until he has to travel again, so in the meantime while he has essentially nothing to do, Hyun’s going to just enjoy being home.

They talk in the car on the way back to the house about Hyun’s stay in California, as well as Saeyoung’s experiences as the project manager at C&R. With him working so close to Jaehee now, it means Jaehee actually has free time after work, thanks to a much lighter workload, a lot of which has been given to Saeyoung instead. Their relationship seems to have improved, too, or at least Jaehee isn’t constantly annoyed with Saeyoung like she used to be in their more active RFA days.

Hyun glances to his side when their conversation’s been over for a bit, leaving them in a comfortable silence, aside from the humming of the car’s engine. He reaches out a hand to touch Saeyoung’s glasses, which makes Saeyoung raise his eyebrows, though still not look away from the road.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Hyun says. “I just think these glasses really suit you.”

Saeyoung smiles, and shrugs. “Well, I did have to start looking a little more proper when I started working for C&R. Striped and colourful wouldn’t have worked.”

Hyun rolls his eyes. “I’m sure Jumin’s happy about that.”

“Probably, yeah.”

Hyun remembers the first day Saeyoung was going to work for C&R, and how blown away he’d been at how _good_ Saeyoung looks in formal clothing. Saeyoung rarely ever wore formal clothes to begin with, unless it was a party hosted by the RFA which wasn’t often, anyway, so it was definitely weird seeing him emerge from the bedroom that morning. A good kind of weird. Hyun hopes that this never, ever becomes something he takes for granted, much like everything else regarding his boyfriend.

It’s taken a little time getting used to their new lives, but Hyun’s still enjoyed the time they’ve spent together in figuring things out. They still learn new things about each other, and what’s probably more frequent than ‘normal’ relationships, at times Hyun feels like he’s either falling in love again, or they’re entering their umpteenth honeymoon phase. Since he doesn’t have much experience with romantic relationships, he can’t say for certain that this is normal, but having talked to Saeran and Yoosung, it seems it isn’t.

In the first two weeks or so following Saeyoung’s departure from the agency, he’d had terrible nightmares that woke him up and often kept him up for the rest of the night. Hyun quickly developed a habit of placing Saeyoung’s head on his chest, and many times, the sound of his heartbeat and rhythm of his breathing would eventually calm Saeyoung down. He can’t ever imagine what it must be like having lived most of his life the way Saeyoung did, and he knows he probably doesn’t want to—but Hyun’s promised himself to be by Saeyoung’s side even if things _are_ tough.

“Anything else interesting happen while I was gone?”

Saeyoung hums, drumming his finger against the steering wheel. “Well, Yoosung moved into the house I share—or shared—with Saeran. Finally moved out of that cramped dorm of his.”

“Oh,” Hyun replies, raising his eyebrows. “That’s a pretty big step.”

“Yeah.” The look on Saeyoung’s face softens a bit, becomes almost sombre. “He… Saeran was a little hesitant at first, about them moving in together. You know how he’s been with the whole… uh, love-thing.”

Hyun lowers his gaze to the hands in his lap. “I do.”

This wasn’t just something that affected Saeran, but both twins. Considering their upbringing, Hyun can’t blame them—hell, he’s even been there himself, at times. Feeling undeserving of love, wondering if he’d ever get to a point where he’d achieve happiness and _deserve_ it. It most definitely affected Saeran more than anyone else Hyun knows, and with his forced involvement with Mint Eye, it’s easy to understand.

Hyun had originally been far too loyal to both V and Rika, but has in recent years realised their negative impact on both twins, and Rika’s on Saeran, in particular. It scares him to think about the way love both figuratively and literally blinded V, and how V’s strong love for Rika suffocated her and ended up with her finally having had enough. Love comes in different forms, and that’s something Hyun’s only realised in recent years.

“He’s been far worse things than I have, but he came out of it all a better person than me, too,” Saeyoung says with a little smile, and he shakes his head.

Hyun lightly slaps Saeyoung on his forearm. “It’s not a contest, you know.”

If there’s someone Hyun truly admires, it’s Saeran. Someone who grew up weak, was often abused by his own mother, was roped into an organisation that brainwashed him into believing his brother abandoned him… Hyun considers Saeran to be the strongest person he knows. To have come out of that all and be incredibly humble, generous, and caring.

“I guess whatever Yoosung did must’ve worked, because obviously they live together now. And they’re happy.”

Hyun’s heart swells a bit at those words, and he smiles. “Yeah. I’m glad.”

 

* * *

 

He keeps in semi-regular contact with the crew members, mostly the director and writers, but some of the cast, too, while he’s still waiting to go back and film the rest of his scenes. Some of them are American, and his English isn’t good enough to the point where Hyun feels confident in talking to them as often as he does his Korean colleagues. It’s something he’s still working on, more so now that he’s gone into film and might have a chance at appearing in foreign productions. This is a joint production between Korea and America, though the majority is Korean, but even so, Hyun’s starting to feel the pressure of having to study English more often and more intensely.

“I could help you, you know,” Saeyoung suggests one night in bed before they try to get some sleep. Hyun faces him, raising his eyebrows.

“Funny how I hadn’t thought of that. You’d be willing to help me study English?”

Saeyoung grins playfully. “’Course. And tease you in English you don’t understand yet while I’m at it. Sounds great.”

“Actually, I might ask Jaehee instead.”

“Oh, come on!” Saeyoung whines, and he scoots closer. “You know you’ll want me to be your teacher. We could do roleplay, even. Student and teacher relationships!”

Hyun snorts at that. “Yeah, right. I’m older, so I should be the teacher, in that case.”

Suddenly, Saeyoung sits in bed, and before Hyun knows it, the light on Saeyoung’s nightstand is on. He squints, and hisses at the bright light shining right in his face, and at the same time tries to see what the hell kind of idea Saeyoung’s suddenly had fly into his mind. Saeyoung fumbles in the drawer of his nightstand briefly, and then with an ‘ _a-ha!_ ’-sound pulls out his glasses case, from which he pulls out his new, black glasses.

Hyun watches Saeyoung put said glasses on him, and his vision goes blurry. “Whoa. What’s this for?”

“I was right. _Wow_. Why do you look so good in glasses?”

He can’t help but chuckle lightly. “Oh, Saeyoung. Has it really gone unnoticed by you that I look good in most anything?”

“Mmm, you’re right. You do look like a sexy teacher this way, that’s what I wanted to find out. Maybe we could switch roles occasionally.”

“Yeah, right,” Hyun says, rolling his eyes. “Now get these off me, your vision is terrible and mine isn’t.”

The glasses are off within seconds, and thankfully, Saeyoung turns off the light again as he lies back down in bed. Silence falls, but he feels Saeyoung playing softly with his hair, and he can only take that as a sign that Saeyoung has something on his mind that he’s hesitant on talking about.

“Saeyoung.”

“Hmm?”

“Something on your mind?”

Silence again. Hyun knows to be patient; Saeyoung hasn’t always been the best at verbalising his thoughts, and he tends to worry about things not worth overthinking in the least bit. Not that Hyun can blame him, because Saeyoung is only human, and it isn’t as if Hyun is free of fault, either.

“I just… sometimes think about you when you’re gone filming and stuff. Like… you’re popular, handsome, social, and all those things. And maybe… maybe someone would try to hit on you, or something like that. It’s not that I don’t trust _you_ , of course, I just don’t trust people I haven’t met before.”

Saeyoung seems embarrassed now that he’s finally said what’s on his mind, because his fingers leave Hyun’s hair, and he turns to lie on his back and stare up at the ceiling in the darkness. Hyun exhales slowly, and he reaches out to his side to find Saeyoung’s hand under the duvet. Hesitant fingers tangle with his, and then he takes a steady grip.

“Saeyoung,” Hyun begins, voice soft. “Even if people were to try and do something, I would tell them off. It’s true that I probably can’t come out, since I risk losing my job that way. But I wouldn’t hesitate on telling people that I have a partner that I love, and I wouldn’t risk what I have with you for anything in the world.”

Saeyoung shifts a little. “Anything?”

“Yeah. I love you, you know.”

“I love you, too.” Saeyoung sighs in what sounds like relief, and then he properly returns the grip on Hyun’s hand. “Sorry, I know this is dumb.”

“No, it’s not dumb. I would’ve probably worried about similar things if I’d been in your shoes. You never know with people. But just know that I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Saeyoung moves in close again, leaning his head on Hyun’s shoulder. “Okay.”

Hyun ends up taking English lessons from both Saeyoung and Jaehee, whenever either of them have some time left over. He downloads language learning apps on his phone to use whenever he’s out of the country, and promises himself to practice every day. If he works hard, he might get bigger roles in the future, and star in films produced abroad. As much as he’d doubted in the past that he’d ever use English to this extent, he’s now realised how practical it is to know a second language, especially one as widely used as English.

In the beginning of February, Saeyoung drives Hyun to the airport and sees him off before he flies to California one final time for this film, but hopefully this isn’t the last time he visits America to shoot scenes for a film.

 

* * *

 

 _Saeyoung_.

 

When he first started working for C&R, Saeyoung felt like he’d just landed in a new country which language he didn’t speak and which culture he had never even heard of. He’s always assumed that Jumin’s company was cold, that people were strict and that it would just remind him of working at GFX, except actually working _among_ other people. That instead of working at home and being bombarded by emails and phone calls from these cold and strict people, he’d _physically_ be surrounded by them.

But he couldn’t have been more wrong. In the department he starts working in, people welcome him, are interested in getting to know him, and it really does feel like a completely different world than the one he’s been living in up until now.

“Mr Choi, good morning.”

Saeyoung turns his head, facing where Jae-in Shim sits by his desk. He smiles, because he sees that Jae-In hasn’t quite succeeded in tying his tie this morning as it’s a bit crooked and loose, not to mention the dark circles under his eyes.

“Good morning,” he greets back. “It got a little late last night, I’m guessing?”

Jae-in flinches, hurriedly attempting to fix his already impeccable hair. “I, uh… yeah. That obvious?”

Saeyoung laughs, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, you’re fine. I just figured since you stayed after I left.”

“ _Long_ after,” Jae-in sighs. “I really should learn when enough is enough, and when it’s actually getting too late to stay out on a weekday night.”

Having left way earlier than his other colleagues, Saeyoung has no idea what happened after that. He doesn’t like staying at these company parties when people start getting inebriated, and gladly people don’t try to get him to stay if he doesn’t want to. Overall, he enjoys working there.

He’s gotten to know Jaehee a lot better, too, working alongside her and often having lunch with her, too. Once in a blue moon, they get Jumin to join them, but Saeyoung doesn’t try to force it if someone’s unwilling. Even though it _has_ gotten better, Jaehee’s and Jumin’s relationship is still a bit stiff since she’s his chief assistant. Saeyoung has taken over many of Jaehee’s duties, which he of course doesn’t mind, and it’s given Jaehee a lot more breathing room as a result.

Things are good, and that’s something Saeyoung can say without hesitation. A job he’d at first thought would be something in between the agency and something more long-term instead _became_ what he hopes will be long-term. Contrary to popular belief, C &R is a good workplace, and it’s not something Saeyoung would want to give up for the foreseeable future for something he isn’t so sure would be that much better.

“I still think he’s a jerk.”

“But less of a jerk.”

Hyun grunts in dissatisfaction. “Fine. Less of a jerk, but still a jerk.”

Saeyoung shakes his head, smiling. Those two may say whatever they want, but Saeyoung has seen just how much Hyun’s relationship with Jumin has improved. These days they’re at least able to tolerate each other, which is a huge improvement from their more active RFA days when they’d be bickering constantly. They do have things in common that Saeyoung hopes they’ll realise someday.

His move into Hyun’s house has been an incredibly slow process. There are a lot of reasons to it, but he’ll only admit to himself that the biggest reason has his brother’s name written all over it. Yoosung lives there with Saeran now, so it isn’t as if Saeran lives alone, but it’s just something about the twins being separated again that makes Saeyoung a little depressed and maybe even anxious. He knows it isn’t the same as when they were kids, not at all—but in some way, it does remind him of it.

Saeyoung heads over to what is from this day known as Saeran and Yoosung’s house, to gather the rest of his things, with Hyun as company. They’ve taken two cardboard boxes with them, which should be plenty enough to gather the last of Saeyoung’s belongings.

“You know you haven’t _completely_ moved out even if you take your things from inside the house, right?” Saeran calls to them from the living room as they head towards Saeyoung’s old bedroom. Hyun and Saeyoung stop right outside the living room, and Saeyoung puts a hand up against the side of the doorframe, shooting his brother a challenging look.

“Why’s that?”

“Don’t play dumb, you know what I mean. Your _cars_ , idiot.”

Saeyoung giggles innocently to Hyun, who gives him an amused look, complete with one cocked eyebrow. “Well, I don’t have the heart to sell all but one of them, what should I do? This is the only place I can keep them.”

“Hey, if you leave them here, does that mean we can drive them?!” Yoosung asks excitedly from where he sits on the couch next to Saeran, and Saeyoung gasps in horror at the thought of Yoosung driving one of his precious cars.

“Oh no. No you don’t,” he says. “I’ll let _Saeran_ drive, not you, Yoosung.”

“Aw, come on! You’ve always been such a cheapskate.”

He laughs menacingly as he continues walking towards his bedroom, Hyun soon following him. They close the door behind them, and Saeyoung takes a look around the _mostly_ empty room, once again hit by the realisation that this is it, now he’s actually moving out.

“Wow,” he says. “This feels weird.”

Hyun puts down the folded cardboard box he’d brought, and begins reassembling it. “It does. But it’s a good kinda weird, right?”

“Yeah, of course.”

It’s bittersweet, yes, but it’s part of growing up, too. And Saeyoung wants to be committed in his very first serious relationship, not just because it’s what Hyun wants, but because it’s what _he_ wants. He’s managed to find something, _someone_ , he wants, someone he’s allowed himself to get involved with, and when he’s gotten this far, he doesn’t want to run or throw it all away. So many times in the past few months has he questioned both himself and Hyun, but now, Saeyoung is sure. This is where he wants to be, who he wants to be with.

He pulls out the top drawer in his chest of drawers, and winces slightly at what he sees inside. All of his wigs from his past life as a secret agent are right there in front of his eyes, as well as a dress or two, and other things he used to disguise himself as someone else in order to successfully complete an undercover mission. There’s a blond, curly wig, which was the very first one he used once he’d decided he’d dress up as a woman in order to infiltrate and get information that they needed. The one he bought most recently is right at the top; it’s the brown, short-haired wig he bought to hide from Hyun after his confession.

Then, of course, Saeyoung finds the wig that started the whole thing, the ‘Mary’ wig that has a slightly more red colour than his natural hair—long hair that trailed down his back that he sometimes would braid when he was bored. It stings a little to think back on what he’d been willing to do just to pull a prank on a friend of his. A friend who would later become his boyfriend, yes—but Saeyoung still thinks it all could’ve started differently, more honestly.

“Saeyoung?”

He doesn’t realise he’s been just sitting there staring emptily down into a drawer full of a past Saeyoung wants to forget, and when Hyun’s voice reaches out to him, it shakes him out of his reverie, and he clears his throat.

“Yeah?”

“Something wrong?”

Hyun comes to sit down next to him on the floor, and he lets out an ‘ _oh_ ’ as he sees what it is Saeyoung has uncovered. It makes Saeyoung feel mortified and angry, and he wants to just slam it shut. But Hyun is, of course, way ahead of him, and puts a hand over Saeyoung’s.

“If you’re worried that I’m still angry at you, I want to say that I’m not. Okay?”

Saeyoung narrows his eyes. “Why not?”

“Because it honestly isn’t a big deal. Pranking and joking with people is part of who you are, and I would never want to take that away from you. Sure, you may have gone a little too far, but… it’s okay now. It turned out well, didn’t it?”

Of _course_ it did, Saeyoung can’t deny that despite how much he may want to emphasise to Hyun that he did something _wrong_ before things turned out right. It doesn’t excuse what he did in the least bit, all it does is explain it.

“You’re right,” he admits. “I just wish I hadn’t taken it that far. I’m sorry.”

Hyun laughs a little, and puts his hand on Saeyoung’s head to pull it towards him, leaning Saeyoung against his shoulder. “You’ve apologised so many times I’ve lost count. I’m saying it’s okay now. We’re in a better place than we were then. Both together, and individually.”

Again, Hyun is right. The road to getting here may have been bumpy, and they’ve certainly taken one or two detours, but they did eventually get to where they are right now, where the grass is greener and their lives look a lot brighter. Saeyoung left the intelligence agency for C&R, Hyun went from theatre into film, and they’re together. If none of this would’ve happened, Saeyoung would’ve still been unhappily working for GFX, thinking he didn’t have any other option, or that he deserved one.

“I think you should keep those,” Hyun says. He then clears his throat. “Don’t think too much about that, it’s just… I don’t know. You look pretty in them. And—and in a dress.”

Saeyoung smiles a little. “I didn’t know you had a crossdressing fetish, Hyun.”

“I don’t! I just—god… you really haven’t changed, have you?”

“Not at all,” he replies, and laughs.

 

* * *

 

Having emptied Saeyoung’s old room, the two head out to the car, and drive back to their house. _Their_ house. Saeyoung has been there, spent the night there so many times now that it shouldn’t feel all that weird to call it his home, too, but it kind of does. In a good way.

They walk inside with a box each in their arms, and Saeyoung dumps his on the bedroom floor barely a second after having walked in.

“I need to start working out again,” he sighs. Hyun joins him shortly after, not at all as out of breath as he is. He grins.

“We could always work out together. Go for morning runs, go to the gym—”

Saeyoung groans, interrupting Hyun. “Never mind, I’m gonna become a couch potato. Go back to my old habit of eating nothing but Honey Buddha crisps and drinking Dr Pepper. Oh, Dr Pepper…”

Not that he’d ever be able to do such a thing since boredom would settle in faster than it’d take him to park his ass on the couch, but he doesn’t say it, because Hyun probably already knows that.

He looks down at both boxes, and then exhales a sigh of relief. Hyun takes his hand beside him, squeezing it lightly. They stand like that in silence for a bit, and it’s nice. It lets Saeyoung take it all in, lets him adjust to the idea of permanently living here now, having moved out of a house he’s lived in for half his life, that he’d later get to finally share with the brother he’d been separated from for so many years.

“Alright,” Saeyoung says after a while, “let’s get rid of these boxes, they’re taking up space.”

Hyun laughs. “Sure. Let’s start living together.”

“ _God_ you’re cheesy. As if we haven’t already practically been living together for a while.”

“Touché.”

 

* * *

 

In November, Hyun’s first film following his departure from musicals finally comes out in theatres. Saeyoung, Hyun, Jumin, Jaehee, Saeran and Yoosung all go and see it together, as a group, as the RFA, and Saeyoung may possibly shed a tear or two, right beside his boyfriend who definitely cries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A _huge_ thank you to everyone who read, commented, subscribed to, and bookmarked this fic. I definitely didn't expect this kind of attention since the pairing is relatively unheard of, but it makes me so happy to know that so many people decided to at least give this thing a go. So even if you've just found this story, if you've followed it for a while, or decided to just read a chapter or two- thank you. ❤
> 
> [[tumblr](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) | [twitter](http://twitter.com/idiotmatsu)]

**Author's Note:**

> [[tumblr](http://radiodread.tumblr.com)]


End file.
